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Old 06-19-2012, 07:51 AM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
Reputation: 31039

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DevastatedInNYC View Post
Im 26 years old, my boyfriend and practically husband now has a 7 year old daughter. He did not have a child when we met, and eventually admitted to sleeping with his ex when we first starting dating. She got pregnant and kept the kid. I had trouble throughout the years trying to be a good "whatever" to her and felt the interaction was phony. Eventually I grew to love her even though at times I struggled still to accept her. After 7 long years of loving her, being there for her, buying her clothes, waiting on her every need when she comes over, her mother has now decided to move to California to be with her female lover. She told my boyfriend maybe 2 1/2 weeks ago and is leaving June 23rd. I've been devastated and crying the last 2 weeks wondering how she could do this when her whole family lives in NY and NJ. I am inconsolable. I know I will never see her again and we will all grow apart and after working so hard to love her, I can't believe this. I don't understand how anyone could move there children away so far from there families, the people they love, the people who have been there since Day 1. He pays child support, sees his daughter 2x a week and she comes over every other weekend. Now that's all over. I feel my boyfriend and my own family is looking at me with 2 heads at how emotional I am over this. I guess they don't understand I really treated her like she was my own so I feel as if my child is being taken from me. I don't understand why a mother wouldn't want her daughter to have a good relationship with a good father. I don't understand any of it. I hate this. My boyfriend is so upset he is taking the jerk way out and saying, screw em we will have our own children. I can't do that after I've sacraficed everything I am to accept that girl and now she's moving a million miles away. If you are reading this please think and then rethink more if its a good idea to move your child away from there family. I can tell you from experience its not.
I'm sorry you are going through this. This thread is really more about adult children moving away from their parents and siblings to raise their family; not about a single parent moving away from the other single parent. If you want advice, you may want to start a new thread. People are likely to miss your post in this thread. FWIW, this is a risk any time the parents of a child are not together. Unfortunately for you, you will have no say in the matter, since you aren't even married to her dad.
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Old 06-20-2012, 08:29 AM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,611,695 times
Reputation: 5534
Quote:
Originally Posted by DevastatedInNYC View Post
Im 26 years old, my boyfriend and practically husband now has a 7 year old daughter. He did not have a child when we met, and eventually admitted to sleeping with his ex when we first starting dating. She got pregnant and kept the kid. I had trouble throughout the years trying to be a good "whatever" to her and felt the interaction was phony. Eventually I grew to love her even though at times I struggled still to accept her. After 7 long years of loving her, being there for her, buying her clothes, waiting on her every need when she comes over, her mother has now decided to move to California to be with her female lover. She told my boyfriend maybe 2 1/2 weeks ago and is leaving June 23rd. I've been devastated and crying the last 2 weeks wondering how she could do this when her whole family lives in NY and NJ. I am inconsolable. I know I will never see her again and we will all grow apart and after working so hard to love her, I can't believe this. I don't understand how anyone could move there children away so far from there families, the people they love, the people who have been there since Day 1. He pays child support, sees his daughter 2x a week and she comes over every other weekend. Now that's all over. I feel my boyfriend and my own family is looking at me with 2 heads at how emotional I am over this. I guess they don't understand I really treated her like she was my own so I feel as if my child is being taken from me. I don't understand why a mother wouldn't want her daughter to have a good relationship with a good father. I don't understand any of it. I hate this. My boyfriend is so upset he is taking the jerk way out and saying, screw em we will have our own children. I can't do that after I've sacraficed everything I am to accept that girl and now she's moving a million miles away. If you are reading this please think and then rethink more if its a good idea to move your child away from there family. I can tell you from experience its not.
Actually he needs to take her to court to get an injunction. The custody agreement will have a clause on the rights of the custodial parent to move. Most states require a notice, and even then if it's contested they often don't allow it.
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Old 06-21-2012, 09:59 PM
 
Location: West Jordan, UT
973 posts, read 1,801,096 times
Reputation: 589
We moved from Ohio to Utah 5 1/2 years ago, with our then 2 and 3 yo's. It was for hubby's work. We do love living here and don't plan to move back. My mom and sister are visiting in a week. I am very close to them. I do miss family and friends, but, not enough to move back. My kids do know and love our extended family. Of course, we do speak on the phone and Skype quite a bit.
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Old 06-24-2012, 02:50 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 2,090,267 times
Reputation: 1026
That's a loaded question for me.

We stayed close to family. That meant everyone in my family and to put in their 2 cents in every parenting decision I ever made.

I wanted my kids to be close to their cousins. Turns out, cousins aren't always the best influences.

Yes, we've had a lot of great family holiday celebrations. We've also had lots of drama durrounding the Holidays.

If you have good paying jobs, you can travel home for the Holidays sometimes.

One of my sisters moved away and she hated not being around as much, but we often reminded eachother of the flips side of things.

Regardless of where you are, there will be pros and cons. Just make the choice that makes the most sense and make the best of the situation.

At least nowadays communication with long distance family is so much better than before. You can skype, you can text, you can e-mail, you can facebook, you can twitter.

Of course it's not the same as being there, but at least you can still stay in touch.

Trust me, going away isn't all bad.
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Old 06-25-2012, 06:57 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
27,237 posts, read 15,033,121 times
Reputation: 20851
Quote:
Originally Posted by looking4answers12 View Post
That's a loaded question for me.

We stayed close to family. That meant everyone in my family and to put in their 2 cents in every parenting decision I ever made.

I wanted my kids to be close to their cousins. Turns out, cousins aren't always the best influences.

Yes, we've had a lot of great family holiday celebrations. We've also had lots of drama durrounding the Holidays.

If you have good paying jobs, you can travel home for the Holidays sometimes.

One of my sisters moved away and she hated not being around as much, but we often reminded eachother of the flips side of things.

Regardless of where you are, there will be pros and cons. Just make the choice that makes the most sense and make the best of the situation.

At least nowadays communication with long distance family is so much better than before. You can skype, you can text, you can e-mail, you can facebook, you can twitter.

Of course it's not the same as being there, but at least you can still stay in touch.

Trust me, going away isn't all bad.
Thank you for that lovely reminder. Whenever I start feeling like I should move back - I'm going to remember this post!
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