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Old 03-02-2010, 09:46 PM
 
Location: California
29,613 posts, read 31,923,958 times
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Quote:
That's kind of a sweeping generalization...making people who don't live near their families out to be selfish and unfeeling while those who do stay close are nurturing and responsible.
Nope. Read the rest of my post. It's all what's important TO YOU. Not all families need or want support from each other, heck some don't even LIKE each other so by all means GO. GO if you have a wonderful opportunity too good to pass by, GO if you can't do what you want to do without moving, GO if you are miserable. But like I said, AT LEAST THINK ABOUT THOSE YOU CARE ABOUT AND WHO CARE ABOUT YOU. Maybe it's not a problem at all or maybe you will see something you have taken for granted and think twice or maybe you will realize that you need to make some accomodations for those staying behind. That's all I'm saying. Way too many people end up miserable because they are stuck far from those most important to them, for something that soon looses it's appeal.
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Old 03-02-2010, 09:54 PM
 
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The problem is that many, if not most, families are notoriously short-sighted about the consequences of living so far apart as the elder generation ages. There is typically a long period of infirmity at the end of life, and living apart can create huge challenges once that time comes...and it will come sooner than you can imagine! My husband and I live near his parents, because he is an only child. For them, we are it! I am one of two, and while my brother lives more than an hour away from our parents, he can be there on a regular basis when it's warranted. Although this isn't optimal as far as I'm concerned, it's the best possible solution for our very small family.

I think the children of Baby Boomers are in for a rude awakening about how much help, financial and otherwise, they will need to provide once their parents begin their slow decline. Those sunny retirement communities are not all they're cracked up to be, and even if there is a sibling nearby who can pick up the slack, he or she isn't going to be happy about bearing the burden alone.

Last edited by formercalifornian; 03-02-2010 at 10:48 PM..
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Old 03-02-2010, 10:02 PM
 
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A year and five months ago we packed up and moved to Oklahoma and we left my husbands side of the family in Florida. I grew up in Florida, but no longer have any family there except for my sisters family and we are not really close.

My sister is ten years older and for the most part I was raised as if I were an only child. My mother was too and Dad was raised in England. Other than my maternal grandmother, I never knew what it was like to grow up with aunts, uncles and cousins.

My husbands family packed up and moved with him (youngest of six) from Pennsylvania to Florida when he was about eight. They left the five grown kids up north. His Dad was told to move to a warmer climate for his health.

My parents moved away from Florida long before I ever did. They now live in Arkansas and are seventy- two and eighty-two years young. They live in a small rural town (meaning no jobs) that I would never live in. The area we left in Florida now has a thirteen percent unemployment rate. We lived in a small town and were spending a fortune on gas. Moving to Oklahoma City was the best decision we made .

Last edited by Floridamom1970; 03-02-2010 at 10:15 PM..
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Old 03-02-2010, 10:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Floridamom1970 View Post
A year and five months ago we packed up and moved to Oklahoma and we left my husbands side of the family in Florida. I grew up in Florida, but no longer have any family there except for my sisters family and we are not really close.

My sister is ten years older and for the most part I was raised as if I were an only child. My mother was too and Dad was raised in England. Other than my maternal grandmother, I never knew what it was like to grow up with aunts, uncles and cousins.

My husbands family packed up and moved with him (youngest of six) from Pennsylvania to Florida when he was about eight. They left the five grown kids up north. His Dad was told to move to a warmer climate for his health.

My parents moved away from Florida long before I ever did. They now live in Arkansas and are seventy- two and eighty-two years young. They live in a small rural town (meaning no jobs) that I would never live in. The area we left in Florida now has a thirteen percent unemployment rate. We lived in a small town and were spending a fortune on gas. Moving to Oklahoma City was the best decision we made.
I get it. My parents also live in a region that would provide limited employment opportunities for my family. Do you worry about how your going to handle the separation as they succumb to aging? What are you going to do?
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Old 03-03-2010, 05:49 AM
 
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The plight of the elderly is going to be a huge problem for this country as the babyboomers become less able to care for themselves.

The elderly in my neighborhood rely on neighbors. I live in a great neighborhood that cares.

Unfortunately, that's not the norm. Many neighborhoods are filled with people who don't even know each other.
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Old 03-03-2010, 07:57 AM
 
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People move to other cities, other states, other countries, other continents, for sometimes no reason at all other than they want to.

There are benefits to staying forever in the same town as where one grew up, but there are benefits to moving around until one finds what better fits the lifestyle he or she, or the spouse and kids want to enjoy.

I talked to an old school friend a couple years ago. She, her husband and two teenagers live 5 miles from where she was born and raised. I told her I had moved 800 miles away from our hometown. Her reply? She was envious because they never had the courage to pick up and move somewhere else, to try new environments and be truely on their own without both their families so close they knew everybody else's business.

My mother is aging. She owns her house and car and lives in a city where there is everything she needs. She knows where I live, and she knows where my sister lives. I have two brothers and a sister who don't live far from where she is. She enjoys her independence and has a few very close friends. She wouldn't dream of expecting any one of the five of us to not live where we want to live. She has always said it gives her places to go.

I'm very happy where we live, and will be where we will be moving (about 2000 miles from here and 1500 miles from hometown).
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
She was envious because they never had the courage to pick up and move somewhere else, to try new environments and be truely on their own without both their families so close they knew everybody else's business.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
I talked to an old school friend a couple years ago. She, her husband and two teenagers live 5 miles from where she was born and raised. I told her I had moved 800 miles away from our hometown. Her reply? She was envious because they never had the courage to pick up and move somewhere else, to try new environments and be truely on their own without both their families so close they knew everybody else's business.
I believe it. I have always regretted not seeing more of the world. I think most people do. My little sister was in the military for 4 years after graduating and lived overseas, but she still regrets not seeing more of the world prior to having a family. I learned this when I was telling her that hubby and I plan to relocate as much as possible for the last two decades of our working years. We plan to start next year---our nest will be empty and our mortgage will be paid off. And our ultimate goal is to retire in a third world country, like Costa Rica, but we will postpone picking a country until we get closer to retirement age because political climates and laws will change by the time we're ready. We don't want to just vacation places. We want to experience places by spending time living at them. Anyway, my little sister started a family later in life and she had more children than the rest of us. As a result, she will be parenting close to retirement age. Her husband isn't the type of man who will pick up and move anywhere so she's going to spend her life living with regrets.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
My mother is aging. She owns her house and car and lives in a city where there is everything she needs. She knows where I live, and she knows where my sister lives. I have two brothers and a sister who don't live far from where she is. She enjoys her independence and has a few very close friends. She wouldn't dream of expecting any one of the five of us to not live where we want to live. She has always said it gives her places to go.

I'm very happy where we live, and will be where we will be moving (about 2000 miles from here and 1500 miles from hometown).
Since my husband and I both lost our parents at a young age, caring for elderly parents isn't an issue in our lives. But I've never considered it important to live in the same city as family since my parents raised us away from extended family. They did move grandparents closer to us and/or into our house when necessary. If our parents were alive, we would definitely do something like that when the time came. We certainly wouldn't uproot our lives to move to them. And I respect your mother wanting to stay near her friends. Everyone wants to do that. I wouldn't move elderly parents until they absolutely have no alternatives and can't take care of themselves anymore.
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:21 AM
 
628 posts, read 1,709,108 times
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I haven't read all of the posts just the first page or two my my 2 cents is to think about your parents aging. Sure they may be doing just fine now but what happens when one parent is gone and the other loses their license--or needs a POA or needs more care? Are you completely comfortable not being able to help out?
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:29 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,000,336 times
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Originally Posted by girlbuffalo1 View Post
I haven't read all of the posts just the first page or two my my 2 cents is to think about your parents aging. Sure they may be doing just fine now but what happens when one parent is gone and the other loses their license--or needs a POA or needs more care? Are you completely comfortable not being able to help out?
You don't have to stay in a city for your entire life just because decades later someone might need help. There's always future solutions. When my grandmother died and my grandfather didn't handle it well, my parents built an addition onto our house and move our grandfather to live with us in the city where we lived. He lived with us for a long time. He didn't die until he was 99 years old. He was healthy as could be up until the day he went to sleep and didn't wake up. He was just lonely. That's why my parents moved him to our city to live with us in our house. Living in the same city wouldnt' have been good enough. A once or twice a week visit doesn't combat loneliness.
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