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Old 04-04-2010, 06:52 PM
 
Location: here
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pappy&Me View Post
Being away from your familiy will not make you stronger but it will make you lonely late on .

Once you are away for so many years you will NEVER get back the closeness you once had . Your kids will return the favor when they grow up and , imo , you'll both end up old and alone .

A visit once a year is not enough and you will feel like strangers before long . Your kids will never ' love ' their families because you can't love somebody you don't know . Plus the wasted years will not be forgiven by the ones you left .

Too bad most of us have to get old or sick before we know whats really important.

If you love the ocean then visit it once a year . Once you live near the ocean the charm is not as intense and you'll seldom even visit it .
this may be true for some but not everyone, as you state it. You can't speak for everyone.

ETA, I grew up in the same town as most of my extended family, and within an hour's drive of the rest. I am not particularly close to any of them. Geography isn't everything.
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Old 04-04-2010, 08:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by littleelvis View Post
Where would would this world be if we never left our families. Everyone must do what is right for them. If everyone's mommies and daddies guilted them into staying in one place we would not have discovered the world. Some people are meant to set out on their own while others are better off being sown to their families side.
Can you imagine Columbus' mother telling him how awful it would be if he went on that darn old boat and left the family?

What about all those pioneers who braved leaving their families to go west? What about all our ancestors who left their countries and came here to start a new life?

Moving about is a million times easier than it was for our forefathers, yet they left home and moved on and NEVER had even the chance to visit or see those still at home.

Mobility is the way of life. If it wasn't, there would be no U.S.A.. It would be inhabited by Native Americans and no one else. Most of the country would be void of people. That goes for a huge percentage of the world as well.
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Old 04-05-2010, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
4,489 posts, read 9,286,864 times
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I've lived 3000 miles away from my parents for 6 years now. I am closer to my mom than ever, because we call each other and talk all the time, something we rarely did when I lived in the same town. Distance doesn't have to break apart families. It's not all doom and gloom to follow your dreams and find happiness for yourself somewhere outside your home town.
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Old 04-05-2010, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Aurora, Colorado
2,212 posts, read 4,495,378 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pappy&Me View Post
I don't think this thread starter was asking about leaving a crack headed, dropout,hot tempered , violent bunch of relatives . Seems to me he or she just wanted advice about moving away from a loving familiy .

Sorry you feel bad about your grandfather, I wish i had of had more days with my mother too , but I 'choose ' to live away .
You didn't read my post...I miss my grandfather very much of course, but my point was that when he died, I had no feelings of guilt because I didn't live close so I made sure I spoke with him regularly and told him exactly how much I loved him...it is my cousins who are having a hard time with his death because they took it for granted that he would always just live down the road.

I know what the OP wrote. I was responding to YOUR post that said that those of us who don't live near family will pass on to our kids that family is not important and that my husband and I are going to regret our decision and end up lonely and alone. Plenty of families are not worth staying near and plenty of relatives are bad influences.
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Old 04-10-2010, 01:13 AM
 
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My advice is to do it now when the kids are young and have not started school. You have to make yourselves happy. This country was built on people exploring and moving around. Hubby and I wanted to move for basically the same reasons you do. We wanted a better quality of life. We waited too long though. We got guilted into staying and I wish we would have jumped ship a long time ago. But better late than never

Our son was 11 when we moved. It took him a while to adjust and every now and then he will say he wishes we could move back. I think you would be in a much better position to move while the kids are young. They wont know the difference after a few months.

But be prepared for some hurt feelings and hostility from family. This surprised me the most when we finally announced we were leaving. My family was okay but my in-laws? OMG. Nothing brings out the beast in people like change.

For me, moving away from my in-laws has been bliss. My husband has a very large family and all sisters. They have made my life hell on occasion and I am glad to be away from the gossip and catty behavior. It was a strain on my husband as he was put in the middle a lot. He says he feels more relaxed and so do I. Our new life is much better. We have a home we never could have afforded in our home state and my in-laws think he makes a ton of money now. LOL. They don't get it that not every place has high property taxes.

Also, another poster stated that vacation time gets eaten up every yr by visiting family. Arugh...yes it does. This is where you will have to put your foot down over time. My MIL expected us to drive home for every stinking holiday. We actually didn't move very far but the drive gets old quick and so does staying at people's houses.

But there are going to be occasions where you will miss the family. My husband had a medical emergency last year and it just so happened my mom was visiting us. I had to call 911 and it was a huge help that my mom took care of my son. It really hit me how if she hadn't been here visiting, I would have felt very alone. So yes, there are going to be times when you realize being away has drawbacks.

Life is short and don't waste anymore time dreaming. Make it happen. If it doesnt turn out the way you want, then move back. Good luck and keep us posted!
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Old 04-10-2010, 05:40 AM
 
2,252 posts, read 4,312,915 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
My advice is to do it now when the kids are young and have not started school. You have to make yourselves happy. This country was built on people exploring and moving around. Hubby and I wanted to move for basically the same reasons you do. We wanted a better quality of life. We waited too long though. We got guilted into staying and I wish we would have jumped ship a long time ago. But better late than never

Our son was 11 when we moved. It took him a while to adjust and every now and then he will say he wishes we could move back. I think you would be in a much better position to move while the kids are young. They wont know the difference after a few months.

But be prepared for some hurt feelings and hostility from family. This surprised me the most when we finally announced we were leaving. My family was okay but my in-laws? OMG. Nothing brings out the beast in people like change.

For me, moving away from my in-laws has been bliss. My husband has a very large family and all sisters. They have made my life hell on occasion and I am glad to be away from the gossip and catty behavior. It was a strain on my husband as he was put in the middle a lot. He says he feels more relaxed and so do I. Our new life is much better. We have a home we never could have afforded in our home state and my in-laws think he makes a ton of money now. LOL. They don't get it that not every place has high property taxes.

Also, another poster stated that vacation time gets eaten up every yr by visiting family. Arugh...yes it does. This is where you will have to put your foot down over time. My MIL expected us to drive home for every stinking holiday. We actually didn't move very far but the drive gets old quick and so does staying at people's houses.

But there are going to be occasions where you will miss the family. My husband had a medical emergency last year and it just so happened my mom was visiting us. I had to call 911 and it was a huge help that my mom took care of my son. It really hit me how if she hadn't been here visiting, I would have felt very alone. So yes, there are going to be times when you realize being away has drawbacks.

Life is short and don't waste anymore time dreaming. Make it happen. If it doesnt turn out the way you want, then move back. Good luck and keep us posted!
Best post in the thread.

It's interesting to read all the different opinions but I just don't get why there are some people who think that the way they think is the right way and everyone else is wrong.

It's like the scenario that inevitably erupts on a jury. Everyone is sitting there listening to the same case thinking "Wow, this person's guilty/not guilty. Easy trial." Then they get into the jury room and the people are split 10 ways and some jurors are just shocked that someone could say this person was guilty/not guilty.

The reason is that people's life experiences form their way of thinking. Not everyone wants to live on top of one another. Not everyone thinks that because a sibling has a child that this obligates them in any way. Not everyone wants family in their business or to deal with squabbling relatives and whatnot.

And then there are just some people who have none of the above issues but want to explore the world or experience other cities/towns/states. Maybe they've always wanted to live in the mountains or in a warm climate. To guilt someone for pursuing something they are excited about to me is selfish.

And, like a lot of folks on this thread have said, if you find that you don't like it, you can always go back.
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Old 04-10-2010, 08:18 AM
 
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We moved away when our son was 5.

So much better for us - we get along with the family better being away from them. We would be at each others throats if we were there all the time because we have very different ways of viewing things.

As a matter of fact, my in-laws are visiting right now. We can enjoy the short visit and they can be on their way, and we will still all be speaking
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Old 04-10-2010, 10:20 AM
 
5,703 posts, read 15,494,170 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jkcoop View Post

As a matter of fact, my in-laws are visiting right now. We can enjoy the short visit and they can be on their way, and we will still all be speaking
LOL. I know exactly what you mean!!
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Old 04-10-2010, 10:30 AM
 
5,703 posts, read 15,494,170 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cleasach View Post
Best post in the thread.

It's interesting to read all the different opinions but I just don't get why there are some people who think that the way they think is the right way and everyone else is wrong.
Thanks!

It is interesting how some feel so passionately about relocation. Like I had said earlier, I was completely shocked when my in-laws lost their minds. Actually a few years early we had expressed moving to NC. We causally mentioned it at Christmas one year. They flipped their lids! My son was about 8 yrs old at the time and my in-laws who are highly educated actually said to us, "Everyone in NC is a hick and live in tar paper shacks." When we left my son was upset and said, "Mommy...I do not want to move into a tar paper shack." Then between slight sobs, he asked, "what is a tar paper shack?" He had no idea what they were talking about but he could tell tensions were high and whatever my in-laws were saying about NC was not positive. So hubby and I decided that when we had real plans set in motion, we would then break the news to the family. We didn't end up in NC though. Sometimes I wonder where we would have ended up if we had moved when we wanted too. The economy got a lot worse when we finally made the jump. Fewer places were available to us. Like I said the guilt factor kept us around longer than I had wanted.
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Old 04-12-2010, 07:33 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 3,937,595 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
Thanks!

It is interesting how some feel so passionately about relocation. Like I had said earlier, I was completely shocked when my in-laws lost their minds. Actually a few years early we had expressed moving to NC. We causally mentioned it at Christmas one year. They flipped their lids! My son was about 8 yrs old at the time and my in-laws who are highly educated actually said to us, "Everyone in NC is a hick and live in tar paper shacks." When we left my son was upset and said, "Mommy...I do not want to move into a tar paper shack." Then between slight sobs, he asked, "what is a tar paper shack?"
That's funny. Give that boy a hug.

My best friend from high school finally ended up with a PhD and he and his wife moved from Michigan to NC when he accepted an administrative position at a university there. They love it and have been there for years now. They do not live in a tar paper shack.

By the way, his sister moved with her two little kids from Cleveland to Japan so they could be with her husband who was transferred for his job in a Fortune 500 company.

Yep, it's a mobile world.
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