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Disclaimer: I am not a parent, much less of a teenager, and my views on this could change if I become one
Alcohol is not immoral. Giving it to teens is not immoral. Giving it to children - shriek - is not immoral.
However, it is easily abused, and the abuse of alcohol - like all good things - is immoral, sometimes gravely so. Getting drunk - which I define as the substantial loss of judgment - is wrong in almost any situation that one would encounter today, since it reduces human beings to animals. But enjoying alcohol in moderation is not immoral, and I would argue that it is not immoral per se whether one is 30 or 13.
On the other hand, the legal drinking age is 21 and enforced strictly,
Snipped
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It's not enforced all that strictly, especially in college towns. Almost all of the kids have fake ID's, and the local bars serve them. They'd be out of business if they didn't.
For teenagers, friends play a big role in the decision to take that first drink. And by the 12th grade, more than 65 percent of teens have at least experimented with alcohol. But what parents do during the high school years can also influence whether teens go on to binge drink or abuse alcohol. Researchers at Brigham Young University have found that teenagers who grow up with parents who are either too strict or too indulgent tend to binge drink more than their peers.
"While parents didn't have much of an effect on whether their teens tried alcohol, they can have a significant impact on the more dangerous type of drinking," says Stephen Bahr, a professor of sociology at BYU, and the author of the study that was published in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs.
For teenagers, friends play a big role in the decision to take that first drink. And by the 12th grade, more than 65 percent of teens have at least experimented with alcohol. But what parents do during the high school years can also influence whether teens go on to binge drink or abuse alcohol. Researchers at Brigham Young University have found that teenagers who grow up with parents who are either too strict or too indulgent tend to binge drink more than their peers.
"While parents didn't have much of an effect on whether their teens tried alcohol, they can have a significant impact on the more dangerous type of drinking," says Stephen Bahr, a professor of sociology at BYU, and the author of the study that was published in the Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs.
So moderation is the key -- what a concept.
And at the bottom of that page, there's a link to another NPR article about if you (as the parent) have an absolute zero tolerance policy for alcohol while your kids are in HS, your kids are much less likely to engage in drinking and binge drinking in college and later on in life.
My oldest daughter would never touch alcohol in her teens, period, and never "went out drinking" until her 21st birthday (with a designated driver, and she got sick, by the way). She still doesn't care much for any kind of alcohol. I've always offered them some wine or champagneto participate in toasts when we had it at family celebrations/dinners, and my youngest daughter (who is 18)still refuses it, saying it is "against the law", or she'll just take a drink of it to participate, but says she really "doesn't care for it". What the h*** did I do RIGHT, raising such "party poopers"?
There is some research to support what you are saying, if I interpret you correctly. Parents who "let" their kids drink, either implicity or explicity, give them the message that drinking is OK.
But even if parents don't allow their children drink alcohol, there's no guarantee they won't start doing it in college. Basically when you live on campus no one is watching over you and you'd like to try doing something you weren't allowed to do. This is one of the main problems on campus (MOD CUT BLOG LINK).
Surely, there are children who are strong-willed and simply won't drink because they think this is bad. Still, we all know how environment effects us. And your parents cannot do much about other students partying hard except making you live at home if it's possible.
All in all we cannot prevent our children from drinking no matter whether we are for or against it. It's all up to the child.
It's just important to know things can happen even when you are anti-drinking parents. In HS a 17 year old girl that was part of the cheer leading team had two girlfriends over that were also part of the cheerleading team. One of them provided the alcohol and they got wasted but thought they could drive to the local gas station, unfortunately the 17 year old went through a red light t boned another car, she and another girl who was also 17 were killed and the other girl is paralyzed from the neck down.
Also, the guy she it incidentally was a 16 year old that also went to the school, he had a broken leg but thankfully recovered.
My oldest daughter would never touch alcohol in her teens, period, and never "went out drinking" until her 21st birthday (with a designated driver, and she got sick, by the way). She still doesn't care much for any kind of alcohol. I've always offered them some wine or champagneto participate in toasts when we had it at family celebrations/dinners, and my youngest daughter (who is 18)still refuses it, saying it is "against the law", or she'll just take a drink of it to participate, but says she really "doesn't care for it". What the h*** did I do RIGHT, raising such "party poopers"?
you helped take the mystery out of it,,i did the same with similar results,,
so when we aren't around and peers push alcohol on them,,,they don't fall to peer pressure,,
I allow my kids to drink. I always have. My daughter has had a glass of wine poured at every holiday meal since she first asked, at about age 6 or 7 (once in awhile, she actually takes a sip of it). Sometimes, when I'm having a wine cooler, she'll ask to have one also. I almost always say yes. My son usually finishes the 8 oz beer can I only use half of when I'm cooking spaghetti or chili.
They are 13 and 15. Neither of them are "problem children".
In my family, it was always forbidden. I come from a family FULL of alcoholics. Same with my husband. Somehow, we both missed the alcoholic gene. Neither of us drink much or often. My sister, also not an alcoholic and rarely drinks, has made a big deal out of forbidding her kids to drink. The 3 teens have all been in trouble for being drunk at parties or school events. Her 10 year old hasn't ... yet.
It depends on the attitude and home environment, in my opinion. I won't give alcohol to someone else's kid and I don't expect others to give it to mine.
Do you flat out (attempt to) forbid it? Do you think that teenagers and alcohol should absolutely never happen under any circumstances?
Do you try to make some sort of 'compromise'? Or avoid the issue?
My 16 year old daughter had two alcohol related issues (the consequences of which could have potentially been more serious than they were) as a 15 year old - my attitude to that was 15 years old plus alcohol plus unsupervised - no way.
But I didn't want to make alcohol taboo, I didn't want her to be secretive (that just feels like something that can result in dangerous situations too easily). So I've always tried to stay open on the alcohol issue, she brought it to my attention that alcohol had begun to be in her life, I remember being a teenager. I kept to my attitude over her being 15, let her know that was unacceptable, she was too young - I explained myself to her, I didn't just tell her no. Did she 100% stay away?...Maybe...I can only say it was never brought to my attention again...
Over summer, she was 16 by then, at family gatherings etc, I've allowed her to have a drink - I want her to know about responsible drinking, no-one overindulges at these times.
Outside of family gatherings, I've altered my policy...I expect trust and openness, I have allowed her to go to small parties of her friends who's parents I know, and have talked to about the party (my daughter has a main group of friends that been around for a long time, their parents are my friends, we're all comfortable with our kids being in each other's care). I have also not allowed her to go to other parties (the big ones that go on..) she's wanted to go to - I have also, after those incidents at 15, told her, if you were to go to one of those parties anyway, my cellphone is available at any hour of the night, my number one concern is your safety, if you're not comfortable in a situation, if you're not comfortable in a car, call me (and she has called me once when a driver got drunk at a friend's when there had been no plan for alcohol..., the friends didn't let the kid drive either).
I'm not sure yet how long I continue this approach or whether I will become more open still in the future (based on HER attitude).
I have this theory that the kid who is allowed openness and choices regarding alcohol while at high school (we can't deny it's there...) is not going to be the kid who spends freshman year drunk and in dangerous situations at college (I remember those kids really well...).
Where do you stand? Do you expect your child to hopefully develop responsibility under your care or do you expect them to avoid it completely? Or something else...?
When I was 15/16 my mom started buying me a 6 pack of stuff like Smirnoff Ice Grape.
I was only allowed to drink them on the weekend in the evening with dinner, 2 max.
I was allowed a glass or two of wine on holidays etc, special occasions like New Years, 4th of July.
Quantity was limited, friends couldn't have any, I had to stay home.
When I turned 18 she started buying things I was interested in trying.
How much I drank was up to me. It was a way for me to find my limit. I was never told I couldn't get plastered, I was told it was miserable. I couldn't go out after drinking and no minor friends could drink at the house. No one left, keys turned in, had to stay in. Holidays etc and I could drink outside the house as long I no one was going to be driving. Safety was most important.
Once I turned 21 I barely went out, too expensive and too much trouble, I didn't drink all too often and kept my quantities low. I never went crazy once I turned 21, I never got alcohol poisoning, never had issues with it.
In fact I rarely drink now, pretty much holidays/special occasions or the rare wine craving.
Keeping a very open dialogue and letting her drink at home with you will help set an example.
Key is to make it seem as meh whatever as possible.
I plan on being very open when I have kids. Being open really does work the best.
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