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I'm not sure your theory works. My daughter is in her second year of college and the group of kids whose parents allowed them to drink in their basements during high school are all hard partiers now. They are also good students, so they may just be doing what their peers are doing.
There is some research to support what you are saying, if I interpret you correctly. Parents who "let" their kids drink, either implicity or explicity, give them the message that drinking is OK.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick
I don't know where any of you are living, but in Connecticut, it's illegal to host a party and serve alcohol to minors. The parents can be arrested and DCYS gets involved as well. In fact, if the parents aren't home when the party occurs, the parents are still held responsible for the illegal drinking of underage minors in their home.
I don't believe that a minor child drinking in his/her own home at the supper table with the parents present is illegal. However, when you bring guests into the house, that changes the whole situation.
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This is similar to the law in Colorado.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
I think you are misunderstanding these posts (or perhaps I am LOL). I don't know of many parents who support underage drinking (teens in high school/party situation). What many parents are trying to do is several things. One is understanding that, like it or not, it does go on. Many/most kids will be in a situation where alcohol is present at some point in high school. Most parents I know are certainly very clear about the law and drinking but when it gets down to brass tacks, the most important thing is that IF your child makes a poor decision (drinking) he doesn't make it into a potentially deadly situation (driving) simply because he is more afraid of getting in trouble than making a wise choice. The other thing I think parents are trying to do, is temper the "taboo" of alcohol and teaching responsibility (having wine with dinner at home etc). Both my kids knew they were not to be at parties where there was alcohol. However, I am not so naive as to believe that always was the case. They know they are expected to make good and healthy choices. Along with that understanding, I always throw in and make sure that IF, despite all discussions, they find themselves in a bad position, I'd much prefer they call me, than the police, or God forbid, the coroner. You can lecture all you want on the law and responsibility but you must also understand what really can happen.
Sadly, I found that many parents actually did support high school drinking, either by serving alcohol to their kids and friends, or simply giving them tacit approval to drink. I was appalled to find that many parents enable their kids by buying alcohol for their kids' parties. I do agree the safety of the kids is paramount, and my kids knew that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower
This is the USA. I don't like the "other countries" argument- just because other countries do something, that doesn't make it right. And that still doesn't answer my question about why they need to have alcohol.
ETA- I'm fine with that drinking if it's part of your religion.
Again, it really is untrue that there are fewer alcohol problems in countries with more lenient laws than the US, particularly European countries. I have posted links to this information previously.
We did let our kids have a glass of wine with us at special meals when they were in college.
Again, it really is untrue that there are fewer alcohol problems in countries with more lenient laws than the US, particularly European countries. I have posted links to this information previously.
I was a foreign exchange student in high school, and I promise you--it's a myth that European kids don't drink to excess because they drink with meals at home.
I was a foreign exchange student in high school, and I promise you--it's a myth that European kids don't drink to excess because they drink with meals at home.
It is also a myth that drinking with meals at home is the -reason- kids in Europe drink to excess.
Back to basic math sets and subsets:
Some kids drink with their parents at meals at home.
Some kids do not drink with their parents at meals at home.
Some families abstain completely from drinking at meals at home.
Some kids drink outside the family home.
Some kids don't drink outside the family home.
These things do NOT have to intersect with each other, for ANY of them to be true. One does not cause the other. One is not the result of the other. All of these things happen, and each of them can happen independent of any of the other things on the list.
What does a child gain from having a glass of wine or beer? Its illegal in the United States no one can justify that its a legal thing to do.
But is IS legal in my state, in a private home, given by parents or legal guardians. Serving children from outside the family, that is illegal. Not sure which you meant.
It is also a myth that drinking with meals at home is the -reason- kids in Europe drink to excess.
Back to basic math sets and subsets:
Some kids drink with their parents at meals at home.
Some kids do not drink with their parents at meals at home.
Some families abstain completely from drinking at meals at home.
Some kids drink outside the family home.
Some kids don't drink outside the family home.
These things do NOT have to intersect with each other, for ANY of them to be true. One does not cause the other. One is not the result of the other. All of these things happen, and each of them can happen independent of any of the other things on the list.
Actually, I agree with that. I honestly don't think it matters if little Suzie gets to have a glass of wine at Christmas or special dinners with the grownups or not. It teaches her nothing about binge drinking, which is the real issue. This is just my opinion, but I think the real factors are the culture of the community and peer pressure. If you live in a place where the adults accept and expect kids to drink (I don't approve, but just don't get caught and don't drive) then they're going to drink. There are no real consequences--why shouldn't they have parties? If it's part of the culture of the school--all the popular kids drink--that makes it even harder. I think the biggest impact that parents can have is talking to your kids early and often about alcohol and drugs, and raising children with a healthy sense of self confidence and self esteem. In those cases, the kids clearly understand the consequences of breaking the law (and it IS breaking the law), and they have the confidence to not go along with the crowd because they're afraid of not being cool. Another thing that's been really effective in our community is getting the parents, churches and school involved in anti-drinking efforts--it's put peer pressure on the parents who are more tolerant of parties to stop. We have a parent in our community who allowed kids to drink at her house before a football game. When students showed up to the game with alcohol on their breath, our school resource officer interviewed them, the kids were charged with MIPs, and the mom was arrested. She's essentially a social outcast now. We haven't had another parent do the same thing in years.
Actually, I agree with that. I honestly don't think it matters if little Suzie gets to have a glass of wine at Christmas or special dinners with the grownups or not. It teaches her nothing about binge drinking, which is the real issue. This is just my opinion, but I think the real factors are the culture of the community and peer pressure. If you live in a place where the adults accept and expect kids to drink (I don't approve, but just don't get caught and don't drive) then they're going to drink. There are no real consequences--why shouldn't they have parties? If it's part of the culture of the school--all the popular kids drink--that makes it even harder. I think the biggest impact that parents can have is talking to your kids early and often about alcohol and drugs, and raising children with a healthy sense of self confidence and self esteem. In those cases, the kids clearly understand the consequences of breaking the law (and it IS breaking the law), and they have the confidence to not go along with the crowd because they're afraid of not being cool. Another thing that's been really effective in our community is getting the parents, churches and school involved in anti-drinking efforts--it's put peer pressure on the parents who are more tolerant of parties to stop. We have a parent in our community who allowed kids to drink at her house before a football game. When students showed up to the game with alcohol on their breath, our school resource officer interviewed them, the kids were charged with MIPs, and the mom was arrested. She's essentially a social outcast now. We haven't had another parent do the same thing in years.
The research shows that it does matter; that parents shouldn't encourage kids to break the law, though in many states it's OK for the parents to give the kids a glass of wine.
What does a child gain from having a glass of wine or beer? Its illegal in the United States no one can justify that its a legal thing to do. This is a similar argument of parents letting their children have sex in their home because they're going to do it anyway.
To many people, wine is an important part of a meal, beer less so. If you are looking at wine only as an intoxicant, it would seem odd, but not everyone does.
If it were my child (if I had one), I would call the police.
It's against the law. Children need to know that there are consequences for their action. And that LAWS ARE MEANT TO BE OBEYED.
A night in the pokey and an appearance before the judge should make an impression.
20yrsinBranson
When my brother was a teenager, he and his friends got caught with a case of beer in the woods early in the evening on New Year's Eve. The cops called my mother, who told them she had company and so they could hold her son there until her company had left. She picked him up around 2 a.m.
The research shows that it does matter; that parents shouldn't encourage kids to break the law, though in many states it's OK for the parents to give the kids a glass of wine.
That's just it--if it's legal I'm not all that concerned about it. As a parent, I'm never going to encourage my children to break the law--I think that sets up lots of contradictions that are confusing to kids. Now that they've changed our law to allow kids to have a drink at home with their family, I might consider letting them have one drink with the adults on holidays, etc., once they're out of High School. Beyond that--no way.
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