Correcting Other Peoples Kids (parents, boys, playing, son)

[pjweber]

Well, I stumbled upon this Forum doing a Google search for something else so as you see I am new here. If this topic has been discussed before, I apologize.

I live in Southern CA but I was raised in Ohio. Why does it seem that adults today are afraid of 'correcting' or 'confronting' other peoples kids when they have done wrong? I will give you an example;

I live in a residential area on a corner lot, there is of course a street sign on the corner. There used to be a group of kids (11-13 yo) that would hang out; most of them were the neighbor kids along with a few from other areas of the development. Overall they were good kids; they weren't raised with a lot of common sense or courtesy but overall OK kids.

One day I was sitting in my living room and I heard the kids on the corner and a lot of noise, I looked out and there were a couple of them banging on the sign post, so I watched just for a minute and then the sign fell from the post, a couple of the kids started throwing the sign around, bending it, etc. I opened the front door walked right up to the kid that last kicked the sign post and confronted him. He said the sign was already on the ground, I told him I watched the whole thing pointed to the other couple kids that helped and told them to put the sign back.

They put the sign back in place, I went back in the house and it wasn't 5 minutes they were at it again, the sign fell a second time. I went back out with a ladder this time, had them put the sign back and told them I will call the Sheriff if they touch the sign again, I never saw the kids on the corner after this. As the group of them was walking away the youngest of the bunch came up to be to apologize for his 'friends', he called me Sir when he addressed me. I told him that I suggest he finds a new group of 'friends' before he gets in real trouble some day.

There have been other time that other adults were around and everyone seemed to just turn a blind eye to the situation. When I was a kid and doing something maybe I shouldn't have, adults then had no problem correcting us.

[golfgal]

I applaud you for your actions. Frankly, I think this is a BIG part of the problem with society these days. When we were growing up you didn't do stupid stuff like this because you knew Mr. Smith on the corner was watching and would make you fix what you broke AND he would call your parents and you would get into even more trouble at home. I know a lot of people get offended if someone corrects their child but personally if that were one of my kids I would want to know about it.

[mlv311]

I agree with Golfgal. You did the right thing in my book.

To answer your question, I think adults don't get involved in correcting other people's kids out of fear or apathy. They either are afraid of having a parent challenge them or they don't care.

Teachers these days have to walk on egg shells because many parents question their opinions/actions. I can't tell you how often I hear parents say: "I want my child to learn to question authority; or "I don't want to stifle my child's independent spirit." In the process, they are raising rude and inconsiderate future citizens....IMHO

[surfdude]

The way I see it is if the kids are destroying something that I either paid for myself or my tax dollars are going to pay for then I have every right to say something. If someone saw my kids doing something either destructive or dangerous I would hope someone would give them a talking to.

[sun queen]

It was brave of u to intervene. I personally do not correct other peoples kids especially strangers. The risk of doing so is just too great. It is a very sensitive issue and things can go wrong very quickly. I have seen parents get into actual fist fights or worse over something like this. And if u get the police involved they may or may not side with u. It becomes a case of their word against yours. In this case the kids were willing to listen and did not go home and get their parents upset, but quite often they refuse to listen, they do get their parents and they may retaliate in any number of ways. U could be the one in trouble with the law. Please be careful.

[deerislesmile]

If other people, child or adult, are causing harm to other people or their property, I usually say something. I don't say anything about manners, or other non-crucial topics.

[BlueWillowPlate]

I think you certainly did the right thing, Pwj.
And maybe you did even more good than you know. 11-13 can be a crucial time.
I can maybe count on one hand how many times I've done interfered like that. I don't regret any of them and would do it again.
Mostly it was run-of-the-mill kid stuff like throwing sticks at moving cars (I pulled over and told them of the obvious danger.)
Once I corrected a kid right in front of his mom. I think she just didn't know what to do. It involved a reptile.
We were at a soccer game. It was out in a rural area, and some of the kids, maybe 9 or 10 years old, found a bullsnake (a large but harmless snake.) They were playing with it, swinging it around. I went over there. I watched the boy's mom, who just stood there helplessly saying "Now Johnny..." When the boy slammed the snake down on the ground, I quietly said 'that's enough, leave it alone" and took the snake from Johnny and let it go on the other side of the fence. Everyone dispersed.
The mom did not say anything, and neither did I. I don't know if she was paralyzed with fear or what, but I could not *not* step in.
What golfgal says is true: too many of us are apathetic or afraid.
(Manners are another topic for another thread.)
Where we raised our boys, we all sort of "told on" each other's kids--in a good way. If my younger son crossed the street where he was not supposed to, another mom would stop him and check with me about it, things like that.
Sometimes adults really need to be the "bad cop."
It's too bad that so many people don't seem to understand that.
I have also handed out compliments to parents and their kids.

[Inthesierras]

If its something major, I have said something to a few kids. Mind your manners, etc. Recently I was a red light when an ambulance came through town on the main street. 2 boys, probably 10 or 11, started to jaywalk and the ambulance had to slam on it its brakes to keep from hitting them. I thought I was going to have a heart attack watching that happen. The 2 boys still crossed against the light after the ambulance passed. I turned the corner and scolded them for what they did.

I told them they were almost killed, not hurt, killed. When you hear a siren, you DO NOT cross the street. You wait until the vehicle has passed. I also told them crossing against the light is going to get you killed, yada yada. I think I scared them more then anything. I told them they better go home and tell their parents what they did today. They both apologized and called me Ma'am, they would never do that again. Even if they didn't tell their parents, which I am sure they didn't, maybe they will remember the crazy lady that yelled at them and not cross like that again, lol.

[DawnW]

I think it can be fine as long as it is done with the right tone. If I were a teen I wouldn't listen to someone yelling at me, but if someone came up and talked to me in a respectful and authoritative way saying, "Hey, you know, you really need to do x, y or z because (and give the reason)......" I would listen.

I am a high school counselor, so I naturally intervene even in public.....I just can't help myself.

Dawn

[mom2gurls]

Originally Posted by sun queen

It was brave of u to intervene. I personally do not correct other peoples kids especially strangers. The risk of doing so is just too great. It is a very sensitive issue and things can go wrong very quickly. I have seen parents get into actual fist fights or worse over something like this. And if u get the police involved they may or may not side with u. It becomes a case of their word against yours. In this case the kids were willing to listen and did not go home and get their parents upset, but quite often they refuse to listen, they do get their parents and they may retaliate in any number of ways. U could be the one in trouble with the law. Please be careful.

Ditto...unless its a dangerous or life threatening situation....