Expectations vs. Praise (boy, clothes, activities, smart)
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Thanks for all your advice. However, I think most of you are in a dream world. And your just give your all ill take you out for Pizza if you get a C attitudes are the reason that America is falling so far behind in education. You guys over value happiness right now. Your kid's not gonna be happy when he misses out on opportunities later in life because you guys didn't make them work harder than they wanted to and praised their mediocrity. The world wont praise their mediocrity your setting your kids up for failure.
Unless you guys are rich and dont care what your kid is able to do because your going to subsidize their living anyway.
My oh my! You never answered my question however. Did you go to an Ivy league school? Yes? No? No but you went to MIT/Stanford/Vanderbilt instead? Where did you attend college, grad school and your Doctorate program? Where was it? Did you get an A in every single class K-doctorate?
My ex went to Stanford and his brother went to Princeton and his dad was SO sad that no one went to Yale, the reason being he went there. BUT he was still so happy that both his kids went to school. His mother went to Michigan STATE University. Gasp the horror. They even went to look at it as an option when who would ever want to go there! Omg the horror.
My sister who went to online high school for a while and no college makes $50 a day doing pedicures and hair cuts.
I attend fashion school, and we have a little saying here, "If your brilliant youll drop out your junior year" and it's very true. Tom Ford, Marc Jacobs, Donna Karan and Anna Sui all went to my school and none of them finished.
I honestly feel so bad for your daughter, she will probably try and please you her whole life and never be able to. I really feel sorry for you.
I want my kids to be happy. But I feel that if I accept mediocrity, I'm setting them up for failure later in life. Should a parent ever just "accept" that they have a B or C student? When there are students at her school getting straight A's? It only gets harder from middle school. If I don't have high expectations for my children who will? I'm just struggling to find that balance. If I just accept it and say great job I feel like I'm giving up on my kids.
Define failure. A lot of B and C students in high school end up ahead of the ones that got As.
Sometimes it's better to teach kids how to pick themselves up after they fall, a C isn't the end of the world. Depending on the class and the teacher, a bright child can be very bored sitting in class. For some A students, they do well in elementary and high school because the work is easy but also because they make themselves noticed by the teachers. When they get to college and can't cozy up to the professor and the work is a little tougher, they get a C and can't handle it. The kid who had a C before might not see the grade alone as a big deal, pick himself up and go on. The grade isn't the important goal, it's the overall plan.
Parents like the op cause their children to have low self esteem and feel like they will never be good enough. I wouldn't be surprised if the daughter does things to spite the mother.
Thanks for all your advice. However, I think most of you are in a dream world. And your just give your all ill take you out for Pizza if you get a C attitudes are the reason that America is falling so far behind in education. You guys over value happiness right now. Your kid's not gonna be happy when he misses out on opportunities later in life because you guys didn't make them work harder than they wanted to and praised their mediocrity. The world wont praise their mediocrity your setting your kids up for failure.
Unless you guys are rich and dont care what your kid is able to do because your going to subsidize their living anyway.
You will see when your children are teens/young adults how very wrong you are. Unless of course, you don't recognize your children for who they are and what they can accomplish.
Remember, your kids are not you. You don't get to live out your dreams through them.
My oldest child is very, very bright, particularly in science and math. He could have done anything and made a lot of money. He has his Masters and is just starting out his career.....as a coach. You know what? He LOVES it and is ridiculously happy. He makes very little money but runs to work each day. He is very well respected, takes a ton of pride in what he does and the kids love him.
This child makes me beam with pride because he is such a wonderful young man who had a dream and acheived it. Should I be disappointed? Not ever going to happen.
You will see when your children are teens/young adults how very wrong you are. Unless of course, you don't recognize your children for who they are and what they can accomplish.
Remember, your kids are not you. You don't get to live out your dreams through them.
My oldest child is very, very bright, particularly in science and math. He could have done anything and made a lot of money. He has his Masters and is just starting out his career.....as a coach. You know what? He LOVES it and is ridiculously happy. He makes very little money but runs to work each day. He is very well respected, takes a ton of pride in what he does and the kids love him.
This child makes me beam with pride because he is such a wonderful young man who had a dream and acheived it. Should I be disappointed? Not ever going to happen.
This is a wonderful post. That is the life I want for my child. To have the opportunity to love what you do and get to live it out everyday. The best thing you can do for them is to be proud of them for doing exactly that, you can't get better, whatever your academic achievements may be.
This is going to make her son happy for a lifetime, not just his Mom happy for a few years. Bravo.
Thanks for all your advice. However, I think most of you are in a dream world. And your just give your all ill take you out for Pizza if you get a C attitudes are the reason that America is falling so far behind in education. You guys over value happiness right now. Your kid's not gonna be happy when he misses out on opportunities later in life because you guys didn't make them work harder than they wanted to and praised their mediocrity. The world wont praise their mediocrity your setting your kids up for failure.
Unless you guys are rich and dont care what your kid is able to do because your going to subsidize their living anyway.
So why did you ask? Were you looking for support in an argument with your husband?
You've gotten lots of good advice here and its been unanimous (unusual for this board) that you should love and enjoy your daughter regardless of her grades but if you think she's capable of making an "A," help her figure out how to do so. Punishing a child for making a "B" would serve no purpose whatsover.
A person doesn't have to be a straight-A student in middle school in order to be able to be successful and support themselves as adults. Nor do they have to attend an Ivy League school. There are many, many paths to self-sufficiency and happiness.
Also, regarding her performance at a swim meet, do you swim? And if so, do you compete?
I occasionally compete in 5k-10k road races and the elementary schools often have teams of kids entered. It aggravates me to be coming into the finish and have clearly out-of-shape parents screaming at their exhausted, sweaty kids to run faster. I want to yell back at them to either shut up or sign up for the next race and see what it takes just to finish one.
So, anyway, if your daughter is on the swim team, attends practices and does her best, or even if she's just getting a good workout by going to practice, leave her alone about swimming faster at the meets. Unless you're willing to join a Masters Swim team and share the experience with her.
Thanks for all your advice. However, I think most of you are in a dream world. And your just give your all ill take you out for Pizza if you get a C attitudes are the reason that America is falling so far behind in education. You guys over value happiness right now. Your kid's not gonna be happy when he misses out on opportunities later in life because you guys didn't make them work harder than they wanted to and praised their mediocrity. The world wont praise their mediocrity your setting your kids up for failure.
Unless you guys are rich and dont care what your kid is able to do because your going to subsidize their living anyway.
Imo, grades are not the best measure of whether or not a student is learning. Some people are really great at memorizing details and acing tests while others may actually have a better understanding of the content but aren't as good at taking tests or relaying that information in reports to the teacher. The most important question would be, is your daughter learning?
Also consider that she may be learning a wider variety of things if she's not so singly focused on getting the best grades in every single subject.
I posted this video in the education forum a few months ago but think it might be worthwhile to watch. It's a High School valedictorian's speech about how she got good grades but by doing so failed to really learn much.
Thanks for all your advice. However, I think most of you are in a dream world. And your just give your all ill take you out for Pizza if you get a C attitudes are the reason that America is falling so far behind in education. You guys over value happiness right now. Your kid's not gonna be happy when he misses out on opportunities later in life because you guys didn't make them work harder than they wanted to and praised their mediocrity. The world wont praise their mediocrity your setting your kids up for failure.
Unless you guys are rich and dont care what your kid is able to do because your going to subsidize their living anyway.
I don't insist that my kids get straight As. But I do want them to be challenged at school and I do expect them to make a solid effort at mastering the material that they are taught.
Some classes will come easier/be more interesting to them than other classes will be. There will be some "easy As" while other classes might be a real struggle for them to get through.
I *hated* math with a purple passion when I was a kid. Hated it. But I am very glad today that I sat through those courses, did the homework and took and passed those tests...
Thanks for all your advice. However, I think most of you are in a dream world. And your just give your all ill take you out for Pizza if you get a C attitudes are the reason that America is falling so far behind in education. You guys over value happiness right now. Your kid's not gonna be happy when he misses out on opportunities later in life because you guys didn't make them work harder than they wanted to and praised their mediocrity. The world wont praise their mediocrity your setting your kids up for failure.
Unless you guys are rich and dont care what your kid is able to do because your going to subsidize their living anyway.
Oh, goodness. This is all one big .
(Last time I was told I was in a dream world I was working for Disney and they WANTED me to be in a dream world.)
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