U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-14-2010, 08:09 AM
 
Location: Nova
486 posts, read 1,456,349 times
Reputation: 275

Advertisements

With my first little girl, I was told not to start the Cry it out method until she was 6 months old. And even then I did a modified version of it. To this day she's not a great sleeper in that she is needy. She can fall asleep on her own, but will fuss and fuss (and get out of her bed) first so she doesn't have to.

Now, I have a three month old who I really want to learn to sleep on her own early. My friend said she started letting her two month old cry it out for about 15 minutes at a time to fall asleep. Now her baby sleeps 12 hours a night straight. Both my good girlfriends are saying to start now at 3 months and let her cry it out because by 6 months, it will be harder.

What do you diverse opinion mom's and dad's think? 3 months too early? Go ahead it will be a good thing to start early? Any other ideas?

I think the bedtime training will be two-fold: one is to get her to fall sleep on her own (which she does every now and again, otherwise I rock her), two is for her to not use a paci in the middle of the night to get back to sleep. (because when it falls out, I'm up putting it back in....arrghhh).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-14-2010, 08:28 AM
 
12,913 posts, read 19,787,452 times
Reputation: 33915
Personally, I think 3 months is way too early to expect a baby to sleep through the night (what 2 month old doesn't need a night feeding?), and to self comfort. Here is a recent discussion on the subject from our local paper:

Do 'spoiled' babies grow up to be smarter, kinder kids? | Momania: A Blog for Busy Moms
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-14-2010, 08:29 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,711,659 times
Reputation: 12046
I think 3 months old is way to young.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-14-2010, 08:30 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
2,352 posts, read 3,916,078 times
Reputation: 3033
This time with an infant can be so hard, but it does pass VERY quickly - some things to read and consider, from something I posted in another thread:

Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlotteGal View Post
An infant crying it out doesn't learn to self-soothe; they learn that their parents - the people to whom they rely on for life itself, at that stage - are not there for them.

I think so many of these responses are indicative of dis-connected people. Close, supportive connection with parents leads to MORE independence later on, when the child is ready to move on. Most co-sleeping kids move to their own beds around 3 or so; if your child is reluctant, perhaps they have a larger need for connection. Meet that need NOW, and they won't carry that huge unmet need around with them.

Make sure they are getting plenty of true, present, connected time with you through the day - not with you distracted by the phone or computer or chores, but true presence, just BEing with your child.

Some articles here:

peaceful parenting: The Science of Attachment: Biological Roots of Love

HANDOUT - Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies (http://askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp - broken link)

Cry it Out (CIO) - Atachment Parenting - Leave Baby to Cry (this one has a popup "join this site", but you can close that window)


I would listen to your child's needs, and put a separate mattress in the room. Maybe you can ask your husband to try it out on a trial basis. It won't last forever! My 11 and 17 year old no longer sleep with me! LOL This time of intense neediness is short, and if you meet the needs, it won't last forever.

One thing that helped me keep perspective is that I had a friend whose child died when she was just 5 years old. EVERY moment with that child was precious to the mom, and she was so glad she learned about attachment parenting, and had a close, loving relationship with her daughter. She was grateful for every night she got to snuggle with her, a short time that passed all too quickly.
Why the rush to get her to sleep on her own? I know when you're in the middle of it, it can seem like it's lasting for-ev-er, but looking back? That time was the blink of an eye. Meeting my kids' needs early, as much as they needed, has created an amazing foundation for our relationships today. They're 11 and 17, and they're such happy, FULL, generous, loving guys, it blows my mind.

I'm sure folks who let their kids CIO also have great older kids! I wanted to give you my experience - I'm so glad I grew into the kind of parent who was able to give my kids what they needed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-14-2010, 08:31 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,529,398 times
Reputation: 1916
I would do ten minutes but only if it is not a full blown wail. If it is just the fussing/crying, I think ten minutes max.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-14-2010, 08:56 AM
 
4,267 posts, read 5,140,780 times
Reputation: 3579
It's very normal for a 3 month old to awaken at night for a variety of reasons. I think it's way too soon to expect your baby to sleep through the night. At that age isn't sleeping through the night defined as sleeping for a 5 or 6 hour stretch anyways? How old is this baby that sleeps for 12 hours straight? Does the baby really not awaken or does Mom and Dad just not go in the room when the baby cries in the night?

Here's a link that talks about infant sleep research and patterns. Maybe it will give you a better understanding of what is normal in terms of infant sleep.
kellymom.com :: Studies on normal infant sleep
a few key points:

Quote:
•Only 16% slept through the night at six months old -- 84% were not sleeping through the night at 6 months

•Sleeping through the night: 71.4% did this on at least one occasion by 3 months of age, but many of these relapse into more frequent waking in the 4 to 12 month period. It is not until after 24 months that regular night waking (requiring attention) becomes much less common

Baby's age % babies waking at night
*3 months 46% *6 months 39% *9 months 58% *12 months 55%
You could try watching your baby's cues to see when she is getting tired and put her down sleepy but awake. You could rock her until she's almost asleep and then lay her down to sleep.

Last edited by Dorthy; 10-14-2010 at 09:05 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-14-2010, 09:01 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,529,398 times
Reputation: 1916
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
Personally, I think 3 months is way too early to expect a baby to sleep through the night (what 2 month old doesn't need a night feeding?), and to self comfort. Here is a recent discussion on the subject from our local paper:

Do 'spoiled' babies grow up to be smarter, kinder kids? | Momania: A Blog for Busy Moms
My oldest slept 12 hours a night at 3 weeks and never woke up again. He tricked me into having another. His brother didn't sleep until he was 3.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-14-2010, 09:07 AM
 
6,039 posts, read 9,211,258 times
Reputation: 3933
Quote:
Originally Posted by liloulou View Post
With my first little girl, I was told not to start the Cry it out method until she was 6 months old. And even then I did a modified version of it. To this day she's not a great sleeper in that she is needy. She can fall asleep on her own, but will fuss and fuss (and get out of her bed) first so she doesn't have to.

Now, I have a three month old who I really want to learn to sleep on her own early. My friend said she started letting her two month old cry it out for about 15 minutes at a time to fall asleep. Now her baby sleeps 12 hours a night straight. Both my good girlfriends are saying to start now at 3 months and let her cry it out because by 6 months, it will be harder.

What do you diverse opinion mom's and dad's think? 3 months too early? Go ahead it will be a good thing to start early? Any other ideas?

I think the bedtime training will be two-fold: one is to get her to fall sleep on her own (which she does every now and again, otherwise I rock her), two is for her to not use a paci in the middle of the night to get back to sleep. (because when it falls out, I'm up putting it back in....arrghhh).
Hmmm...well it depends on your kid. Why is she crying? If she's clean, warm, comfortable, and full, then it won't hurt her to cry for a bit. I wouldn't let her scream for an hour, but 15 minutes isn't an issue. If she cries for longer than that, you might try going into her room and simply stroking her back or belly for a few minutes, rather than picking her up immediately. That worked really well for my son. For my daughter, I had to cuddle her for a few minutes until she calmed down, and then place her back in the crib.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-14-2010, 09:10 AM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,240,900 times
Reputation: 3177
Quote:
Originally Posted by liloulou View Post
With my first little girl, I was told not to start the Cry it out method until she was 6 months old. And even then I did a modified version of it. To this day she's not a great sleeper in that she is needy. She can fall asleep on her own, but will fuss and fuss (and get out of her bed) first so she doesn't have to.

Now, I have a three month old who I really want to learn to sleep on her own early. My friend said she started letting her two month old cry it out for about 15 minutes at a time to fall asleep. Now her baby sleeps 12 hours a night straight. Both my good girlfriends are saying to start now at 3 months and let her cry it out because by 6 months, it will be harder.

What do you diverse opinion mom's and dad's think? 3 months too early? Go ahead it will be a good thing to start early? Any other ideas?

I think the bedtime training will be two-fold: one is to get her to fall sleep on her own (which she does every now and again, otherwise I rock her), two is for her to not use a paci in the middle of the night to get back to sleep. (because when it falls out, I'm up putting it back in....arrghhh).
As a parent, "we" are the ONLY ones that truly know our children; not our friends or our mothers or anyone on this forum.

That being said, advice helps to an extent but like anything on the internet, it all needs to be taken w/ a grain of salt.

Personally, I think 3 months is not reasonable. I have a 3 month old & know why he cried. He does cry out sometimes for 5-10 secs at night & then goes right back to sleep. But I know his cries.

I also have a 4yr old & 2yr old & was basically the same way.

Now, my 3 month old does cry during the day at times when he is tired, hungry, frustrated & he has to wait b/c I am helping the other children, in the middle of something, and so on. THis I just started & he does really good. I don't push my luck & I'd say the longest he goes is about 5 mins. If I am helping #2 wash his hands & learn how to wipe himself after going potty, I can't just leave #2 & run to #3 immediately.

One thing I am not a fan of is pacifiers. I would lose my mind if I had to wake up or deal w/ those things falling out, etc.

I just never bought them, so it was never a temptation and never an issue.

Like a sippy cup at night, I see the only method w/ pacifiers as cold turkey. It's a clutch & how the child has learned to self-soothe.

I've alway heard that up until about 6 months, a method such as crying it out is not necessarily recommended.

But again, every infant is different; reasons they are crying; and how the parents sees fit to take care of the issue.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-14-2010, 09:14 AM
 
14,777 posts, read 34,498,385 times
Reputation: 14278
I think 3 months is way too young. We never tried "cry it out" until our kids were like 18 months and even then we did a modified version where we returned at set intervals.

IMO at 3 months you are still bonding and the baby needs to know you will be there for them. Only until they are older and begin to reason does something like crying turn from getting a need satisfied to getting a want satisfied. We drew the line at want.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top