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I should probably bow out of this conversation though because there is no way, none, zip, zilch, nada, no way anyone will ever convince me how difficult it is to be a SAHM. Maybe boring or isolated, but not difficult.
I don't see any reason for the judgement. Working and stay at home parents have their own unique set of challenges. It's not a contest.
It's clear from your volitile first post that you intend to start another SAHM vs working mom war thread.
Working parents have to draw the line somewhere. They don't have the same flexibility as working parents. They set priorities and emails deserve to be at the end of the list.
Even as a SAHM, I have the good sense to realize that working mothers sometimes CAN'T get off work. How does that escape you?
You're busy. Now add an 8 hour work day to being as busy as you already are now and you might have an idea of how busy they truly are!
It doesn't sound like they are complaining. It sounds like they are explaining why they can't invest as much time into having a friendship with you.
Here's the thing... these are not things that "she" has done to ME personally. These are all things said in passing ; " I can't call this person" , " I can't do this, I can't do that". These are general comments that not just the person I am specifically speaking of, it is ALOT Of people.
It is SAHM's and it is working mom's.
It is the general idea that people feel that they are always too busy and giving their laundry lists of the things that they have to do is somehow a reason for them being forgetful and not able to do things.
Of course I understand working parents can't always get time off for things, you are missing the entire point of this.
See, I knew this is what would happen.
I am not jealous, it has nothing to do with it.
It is FINE that they want to work & keep their careers, yes, of course, more power to them.
It is the WHINING AND COMPLAINING AND GIVING THEIR LAUNDRY LIST OF THINGS THAT THEY HAVE TO DO ,THAT IS ANNOYING.
It has nothing at all to do with being jealous, my gosh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67
more annoying to me are the ones who whine about being at work and how busy work makes them when in actuality, they don't NEED to be there....
A woman's place in no longer in the home...LOL...again...a lot women work because they enjoy it. Who are you to say they don't need to be there??? People work for many reasons....sounds like your friends enjoy their work and are doing it for other fullfilling reasons than a paycheck.
If the whining and complaining are bothering you so much, maybe it is time for you to get a new group of friends...perhaps other SAHM's.....
I don't see any reason for the judgement. Working and stay at home parents have their own unique set of challenges. It's not a contest.
It isn't a contest...until a SAHM starts complaining that working Moms are too busy. Then it just becomes an annoyance more than a contest though, I guess.
But again, you don't know that. There are many reasons people work and honestly, it shouldn't matter. It really is no one's business. I could just as easily say that it's even more annoying for SAHM's to be this way because they have more flexibility in their schedule and don't have to answer to a boss or busy season demands.
I'd have repped you for this but could not.
Let us not presume we know the whys and hows of someone's marriage or family. I had a friend who was working and sending money to her sister in a different country so she could finish nursing college, and have the opportunity to be gainfully employed and improve her life. What a wonderful thing for her to do. She mentioned it one time during a conversation or I otherwise never would have known. I could have easily assumed she was working so she could buy new shoes or whatever. But I did not, and frankly, why she worked is really none of my business.
When I first became a SAHM 12 yrs ago, I was quite judgmental of people who would go back to work and send the kids to daycare when the choice was there to stay home. I look back with regret at the judgment I passed.
Here's the thing... these are not things that "she" has done to ME personally. These are all things said in passing ; " I can't call this person" , " I can't do this, I can't do that". These are general comments that not just the person I am specifically speaking of, it is ALOT Of people.
It is SAHM's and it is working mom's.
It is the general idea that people feel that they are always too busy and giving their laundry lists of the things that they have to do is somehow a reason for them being forgetful and not able to do things.
Of course I understand working parents can't always get time off for things, you are missing the entire point of this.
As a friend maybe she needs your support, not judgement. Just a thought.
I have an issue with my working sister. She's married, has a teen and new baby. She makes $110,000+ a year. Her husband makes about $50,000 a year.
I'm married, 2 kids under 6. I'm a SAHM. My husband makes about $70,000 a year (that is including what our medical is WORTH since we don't pay for it so his actual bring home is more like 53,000).
If I have to hear her 1) tell me how lucky I am that I "never have to work", and "at least you don't have to get to work by 9am everyday". and 2) COMPLAINTS about how she is a slave, is always at work, never has time off, is always home late. I swear I'm going to EXPLODE!!!
My family and I sacrifice a lot of THINGS for me to stay home. And that's just what I get to do STAY HOME, there's no trips, not dinners out, no daily $5 lattes, and that's fine.
If a combined income of $170,000 a year isn't incentive enough for her to not cry martyr all the time then how much would be?
I have an issue with my working sister. She's married, has a teen and new baby. She makes $110,000+ a year. Her husband makes about $50,000 a year.
I'm married, 2 kids under 6. I'm a SAHM. My husband makes about $70,000 a year (that is including what our medical is WORTH since we don't pay for it so his actual bring home is more like 53,000).
If I have to hear her 1) tell me how lucky I am that I "never have to work", and "at least you don't have to get to work by 9am everyday". and 2) COMPLAINTS about how she is a slave, is always at work, never has time off, is always home late. I swear I'm going to EXPLODE!!!
My family and I sacrifice a lot of THINGS for me to stay home. And that's just what I get to do STAY HOME, there's no trips, not dinners out, no daily $5 lattes, and that's fine.
If a combined income of $170,000 a year isn't incentive enough for her to not cry martyr all the time then how much would be?
Can anyone relate to this?
Your sister makes double her spouse's income. Does she carry the insurance/benefits? I am the breadwinner, carrying the benefits, and some days wish I could focus 100% on family, house, etc. Those are the days that I'm tired of balancing it all. I have a career that I love too and I provide for my family. My job has carried us through two lay-offs (my husband). If I didn't work, we would have rotten credit, would be very deep in debt and likely no money in our retirement accounts.
To the OP, there are many more reasons why your friend may be working besides buying new things. I have known women to work just to sock money away for retirement. Regardless why she works, it's her family's business. The reason behind not responding to things and saying "I'm too busy" has nothing to do with working and being a Mom. It's all about being organized.
I have an issue with my working sister. She's married, has a teen and new baby. She makes $110,000+ a year. Her husband makes about $50,000 a year.
I'm married, 2 kids under 6. I'm a SAHM. My husband makes about $70,000 a year (that is including what our medical is WORTH since we don't pay for it so his actual bring home is more like 53,000).
If I have to hear her 1) tell me how lucky I am that I "never have to work", and "at least you don't have to get to work by 9am everyday". and 2) COMPLAINTS about how she is a slave, is always at work, never has time off, is always home late. I swear I'm going to EXPLODE!!!
My family and I sacrifice a lot of THINGS for me to stay home. And that's just what I get to do STAY HOME, there's no trips, not dinners out, no daily $5 lattes, and that's fine.
If a combined income of $170,000 a year isn't incentive enough for her to not cry martyr all the time then how much would be?
Just one time, I want all the stay at home Moms to work full time AND do everything else. Better yet, be a single Mom and do it.
lol
Just once, I want a "career mom" to actually DO everything I do, instead of just NOT doing it, insisting the SAHMs should do it, hiring someone else out, having a relative help them out, etc, etc.
And 'single' moms get every other weekend off, at least. Everytime one of the 'single' parents I know start whining, I generally interupt them to say something like, "Well, since you've been so busy and never get a break, why don't WE take the kids Wednesday night? Oh? You mean their dad has them tomorrow? Okay, well how about this weekend? Oh? They'll be at their dads? Well, next time you've got the kids you should really bring them by."
My daughter just came home the other day, insulted by ANOTHER little girl with a working mom. She told my daughter that only the SMART and independent moms work. My daughter explained that only the SMART moms don't need someone else telling them what to do all day and that HER mom is self-employed.
But my kids both know that most of the children that make the snide comments are either just jealous, or the children of jealous, bitter people. Those children making the comments are usually the same ones trying to hold my hand, sit in my lap or ask for a hug when I stop in the school or am volunteering - oftentimes way before I even know their names.
Children who are shuffled off to daycare from 6am to 6:30pm, Monday through Friday, from the age of 8 weeks old til 12 or so (then they become 'latch key kids) are very emotionally needy, in my experience, understandably.
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