U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-16-2010, 01:59 PM
 
1,414 posts, read 2,482,704 times
Reputation: 1744

Advertisements

Quote:
"walking on eggshells kissing his behind trying to get a smile out of him."
Well, that's perhaps the parent's problem. You're the Dad, not his pal. You need to understand that he's growing up and maturing into his own person. You can't ground him into skipping the emotional growth process that teenagers experience.

And whoa! I think the others are being really hard on the kid by advocating grounding. Again, I ask, for what? Grunting? This kid is being a normal, teenager who will be obnoxious at times. And his involvement in sports are GOOD and CONSTRUCTIVE. You are lucky he's involved in them. Maybe you're wanting more from him than is reasonable as he's growing apart from you and finding his own way. Give him room to grow. You have to adjust to the changes he is going through as well.

If he sasses back (if he does), then handle it. But if he's just being grumpy and short, let it pass. Don't nag the kid; he's going through a normal phase. Read the attached and there's so much more info about this online.

How to Help Your Child Deal with the Emotions of Puberty - Associated Content - associatedcontent.com
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-16-2010, 02:55 PM
 
2,906 posts, read 4,170,466 times
Reputation: 3978
It's rather ironic that just yesterday I perused a book that was quite fun about just this subject.

In essence the author explains that often a teen's behavior really cannot be explained, justified or understood. It just is. The title sums it up pretty well - "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind" by Michael J Bradley. Basically he tells parents that if you accept the idea that your teen really is nuts (temporarily), then you can more easily stand back and not take everything they do/say personally, which is what most often causes all the strife.

For example, if a teen asks to do something that you KNOW they know the answer will be no, instead of getting involved in a long raging argument, expect that they will try to argue because that's their way of having a prolonged conversation with you. They are not currently capable of having the 'nice' conversation, but that doesn't mean they don't want to talk to you at all. The young child in them in conflicting with the closer to adult being they have become and they don't know where to step.

I've raised 2 girls to adulthood, have one more girl and a boy to go and this book was being read by some fellow moms who have boys that have just turned 13, so I only skimmed it since my boy is only 7. However, some of what was in it was spot on and since it's a humorous book, I might check it out of the library at a later time just to see what else it has. Anyway, thought it might be a fun read to help put things into perspective.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 03:08 PM
 
707 posts, read 821,885 times
Reputation: 341
Punishing him and taking things away will just make it worse. Trust me after growing up with 4 other sibilings that backlashed in our house.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 03:21 PM
 
2,019 posts, read 2,612,710 times
Reputation: 3132
If he asks you for something or comes in excited to tell you something, roll your eyes, grunt, don't smile and walk away. When he looks surprised or upset about that, ask him how it feels and the explain that this is the way he treats you all the time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 03:25 PM
 
21,870 posts, read 12,632,880 times
Reputation: 23401
If he's just grumpy, grunts out one word answers and doesn't talk much then yes, he's a teenager. But if he's talking back, being sarcastic and is rude, (the rude especially bothers me) no way I'd let him get away with it. I think there's something else going on.

And the only time a parent should be kissing his son's behind is if said son pulled said father from the flaming wreck of a car.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 03:28 PM
 
42,989 posts, read 49,269,547 times
Reputation: 28645
Quote:
Originally Posted by flycessna View Post
WELLLL ... idk about that.. but I think you ment his mothers (my wife lives with me!) and that might be the case?? at least when compared to mine.. I think consistancy may be an issue.. But we have done every punishment under the sun.. !
That's not the problem. Children are very capable of knowing how to behave differently in different houses. Your exwife doesn't need to do things differently in her home to get him to behave in your home. You're the one who needs to figure out how to make things work in your own home.


Quote:
Originally Posted by flycessna View Post
I can see where he feels we are overbearing.....
If you know you are being overbearing, stop being overbearing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by flycessna View Post
to be honest... most of the time we are on eggshells kissing his behind tryiing to get a smile out of him...
This is a huge problem YOU have. You don't kiss your children's behinds to get them to smile! Try just being NORMAL. Ignore his attitude. Don't kiss his behind. Kissing his behind rewards him for being a jerk. He has learned that if he acts unhappy around you, you will do anything to make him happy. Why would he act happy around you? Parenting 101: You don't kiss your children's behinds! LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by flycessna View Post
which is why this attitude thing hurts us.. and for me makes me angry!!
Sounds like you have the issue more than him. His behavior can be explained as a normal teenager. Your reaction is immature. You tried to buy your son's affection by giving him everything. You're hurt? You're angry? Try spending time with him instead of giving him stuff.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerbaby112 View Post
Punishing him and taking things away will just make it worse. Trust me after growing up with 4 other sibilings that backlashed in our house.
That's not true with all children, but a wise parent will back off if it does become worse instead of just becoming harsher.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 03:29 PM
 
42,989 posts, read 49,269,547 times
Reputation: 28645
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
And the only time a parent should be kissing his son's behind is if said son pulled said father from the flaming wreck of a car.
LMAO!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 04:59 PM
 
4,476 posts, read 5,996,022 times
Reputation: 3637
Quote:
Originally Posted by kahskye View Post
I think sometimes, teens don't even realize how disrespectful they sound. I use to roll my eyes at my mom w/o even realizing I was doing it. I now see my daughter do this too. Punishment wasn't always working, so I just flat out let her know how hurt I was at her attitude towards me. I mean, I got teary eyed letting her know my feelings. It wasn't long before she came to me, hugged me and apologized.

As far as her talking to me, I found the best conversations we have take place in the car. If you can, maybe ask your son to run the next errand w/ you. Ask questions that demand more than a "yes" or "no" answer. Alot of times, I start off by telling my daughter what I did during the day, or something funny that happened to me. This opens her up to telling me about her day.

Text you son! I love receiving texts from my daughter.
Great advice.

Are you actually having conversations with him or just grilling him? Teenagers have a tendency to want to open up at the most unusual times. It has to be when they are ready - not when it's convenient for you.

My son is 16 (well, 17 in a couple of weeks). I'm proud of him beyond words - he's a good student, responsible, works, pays for his own stuff, etc.

But still can get eye rolling or a grunt - well, it's more like a mumble. He doesn't realize he's doing it. I don't think I hear him at the decibel his voice is (it has been changing after all). When he's been disrespectful and we've had a real heart to heart with him, he's always remorseful and apologetic.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 05:15 PM
 
42,989 posts, read 49,269,547 times
Reputation: 28645
Quote:
Originally Posted by jkcoop View Post
My son is 16 (well, 17 in a couple of weeks). I'm proud of him beyond words - he's a good student, responsible, works, pays for his own stuff, etc.
This is so true. I can't tell you how many times mine wanted to talk to me right before I was heading to bed. I've spent many hours up until the early morning talk to my children.

Sure, I don't get to bed until 2am on occassion (sometimes even later), but that's okay. My children are more important than sleep. Some things you just can't schedule.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kahskye View Post
As far as her talking to me, I found the best conversations we have take place in the car. If you can, maybe ask your son to run the next errand w/ you. Ask questions that demand more than a "yes" or "no" answer. Alot of times, I start off by telling my daughter what I did during the day, or something funny that happened to me. This opens her up to telling me about her day.
The car is an amazing place!

When my children are totally stressed out, upset, or disagreeable, I say, "Grab your coat and shoes. We're going for a ride!"

Once in the car, they just start emoting all of their feelings and worries.

There's just something magical about car rides!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 06:35 PM
 
1,933 posts, read 1,822,059 times
Reputation: 1909
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
If he's just grumpy, grunts out one word answers and doesn't talk much then yes, he's a teenager. But if he's talking back, being sarcastic and is rude, (the rude especially bothers me) no way I'd let him get away with it. I think there's something else going on.

And the only time a parent should be kissing his son's behind is if said son pulled said father from the flaming wreck of a car.
DewDropInn, I wish I could rep you on the flaming wreck of a car quote.

OP, does he have a girlfriend and this maybe the root of his problem? Sometimes the frustations of young love can be the source of many a grunt, eye roll and sarcastic quip.

I find that at that age it is not you as a parent but usually outside influences and activities unbeknowst to mom and dad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top