U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-16-2010, 10:24 AM
 
Location: South Portland, Maine
2,348 posts, read 3,478,848 times
Reputation: 1467

Advertisements

hello folks....parents.. So my problem with my 16 year old is starting to come to ahead. Since he entered puberty he has pretty much been the same.. rude, short, grumpy, and selfish!

Now the selfish part I get.. and the rudeness I guess is some form of rebellion. But its trying to contain it that I am struggeling with..

heres the situation. He lives with me half time and with his mother half time.. we have been doing this since he was 3, we both have stable homes and are remarried with children (he has many brothers and Sisters) and we live close by. We communicate well even still today so as I think we are on the same page as much as anyone could be in the same situation. And we as an entire family have gone through counseling with him when he was little and it was determined he was a normal and adjustd child.

Now, his personality is he isn't much of a studen but gets it stuff done! Have no real behavior issues outside of home.. teachers, coaches, friends ect think he is a good kid..

So really the issue is his attitude with us! He cant give more then a one word answer, rolls his eyes, grunts, and shakes his head everytime we try to talk to him..

I am very frustrated! it is totally uncalled for.. He has a cell phone he is on texting ALL hours of the day, on his IPOD internet device all day, and other then that when he's not out involved in sports (busy busy) he's in front of the tube playing vedio games...

So what can I do? I take away the phone and the ipod and the games.. Grounding him?? he's too busy this time of year and maybe gets one night out with friends..

Right now the whole license/driving thing is coming up and of course we got that to hang over his head but jesus.. Short of locking him up which I dont think is productive what else can we do?

I know most of you will say this is normal behavior.. maybe soo but it shouldnt be acceptable! Like I said we all get along but for the sake of THIS conversation me and my wife are WAY more invloved.. we support ALL of his endeavors.. we pay for the phone, ipod ect ect. we drive him everywhere we pretty much are the ones responsible for him when it comes to everything... I can see where he feels we are overbearing but really.. we give him plenty of space and to be hones... most of the time we are on eggshells kissing his behind tryiing to get a smile out of him... which is why this attitude thing hurts us.. and for me makes me angry!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-16-2010, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Barrington, IL area
1,593 posts, read 1,478,991 times
Reputation: 4906
Congratulations - You have a teenager! There really isn't much you can do except tough it out, unless you want to have a doctor write prescriptions. Therapy might also be an option.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 11:03 AM
 
Location: 3814′45″N 12237′53″W
4,153 posts, read 6,630,421 times
Reputation: 3298
Quote:
Originally Posted by gramirez2012 View Post
Congratulations - You have a teenager! There really isn't much you can do except tough it out, unless you want to have a doctor write prescriptions. Therapy might also be an option.
drugs and therapy?

aw sheesh.

Sounds like his disrespectful behavior has no consequences in your house or your wife's.

His behavior is unacceptable to you then you must talk with him about it and lay down some ground rules of consequences.

Personally I think the house rule about the phone should be that it gets charged up in a room (and powered down) other than his at a reasonable time each night so that it will not interfere with your evening.

His attitude is teenager for sure, but it does not need to be that way.
Be the parent.

Consistency of respect and constant correction with consequences should be helpful to say the least.

and a heck of a lot less expensive than therapy and drugs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 11:08 AM
 
1,414 posts, read 2,482,704 times
Reputation: 1744
Quote:
So really the issue is his attitude with us! He cant give more then a one word answer, rolls his eyes, grunts, and shakes his head everytime we try to talk to him..

I am very frustrated! it is totally uncalled for.. He has a cell phone he is on texting ALL hours of the day, on his IPOD internet device all day, and other then that when he's not out involved in sports (busy busy) he's in front of the tube playing vedio games...

So what can I do? I take away the phone and the ipod and the games.. Grounding him?? he's too busy this time of year and maybe gets one night out with friends..
You would ground him for what....grunting rather that uttering a complete sentence?

Things could be much worse. If he's involved in sports and doing ok in school and on the computer or texting, that beats so many other bad things he could be involved in.

If his behavior is really that worrying to you, tell him you would like him to refrain from the eye-rolling and sarcasm when interacting with elders. But you're going to need to pick your battles during the next few years. Is this really worth calling out vs grinning and ignoring?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 11:11 AM
 
Location: South Portland, Maine
2,348 posts, read 3,478,848 times
Reputation: 1467
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellalunatic View Post
drugs and therapy?

aw sheesh.

Sounds like his disrespectful behavior has no consequences in your house or your wife's.
His behavior is unacceptable to you then you must talk with him about it and lay down some ground rules of consequences.

Personally I think the house rule about the phone should be that it gets charged up in a room (and powered down) other than his at a reasonable time each night so that it will not interfere with your evening.

His attitude is teenager for sure, but it does not need to be that way.
Be the parent.

Consistency of respect and constant correction with consequences should be helpful to say the least.

and a heck of a lot less expensive than therapy and drugs.

WELLLL ... idk about that.. but I think you ment his mothers (my wife lives with me!) and that might be the case?? at least when compared to mine.. I think consistancy may be an issue.. But we have done every punishment under the sun..

We do have rules about the phone.. everything is shut down 7pm school nights! He could have had his license already but we delayed that..

I think my questions are more like... are my punishments acceptabe.. Should I be more thick skinned? should I be more sever (grounded for 2 weeks yikes!)I dont see anything productive in having a kid that basically has everything taking away from him every other day??

I am looking for tools or ideas that can WORK! he's soo busy right now with sports he basically has no life outside of them.. but during the winter when there is nothing to do he is actually worse?? ultimately he needs to learn respect and appreciation..


thank you for your input!


Drugs??? forget about it!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
1,022 posts, read 2,222,839 times
Reputation: 679
If he can't be kind and respectful at home - no phone, no ipod. Simple as that. Give it a few days, maybe a week, he'll turn around. It works with my kids.

If he can't speak kindly & respectfully to his parents (or step-parents), then he should not be phone/texting with his pals. He does have to treat you with respect. He doesn't have to sit and have heart-to-hearts, but he has to speak to you in a manner and tone that you deserve. Heck, you're the one paying for the phone & internet that he is on!!!

Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 01:06 PM
 
21,863 posts, read 12,632,880 times
Reputation: 23394
The big clue here is that you are "walking on eggshells kissing his behind trying to get a smile out of him."

What? Sounds like he has you eating out of the palm of his hand. I understand that it's been a blended family and you didn't want him to have problems because of that. But meanwhile it sounds like he has had the life spoiled out of him and he is the boss of the house.

He's got you right where he wants you. You're are giving him the life of riley. Phones. Sports. Internet. Chauffer services. Why should he even try to be pleasant to live with? You've been rewarding him for a bad attitude.

I'd let him know there is going to be a big change or the phone, the internet are gone. "Only" one night a week with his friends? What's wrong with grounding him that one night? Stand up to him. Lay some rules down and tell him from now on things are changing. You are his parent not his buddy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 01:37 PM
 
7,621 posts, read 9,095,425 times
Reputation: 13387
No to the punishments here. He isn't doing anything horrible, his personality is just in need of a little fine-tuning. You mention he has lots of siblings. Why not try spending time with him one-on-one?

We're mostly done raising three teenage boys. They have had their surly moments, but it hasn't been tough to sweeten them up. They are all car nuts, so a day with dad either working on their cars or taking in races, one boy at a time, has made it easier to engage them in dialogue. It is a good time to bring up behavioral issues without anger or retaliatory sarcasm. Inevitably we get an apology and a promise to work on the attitude.

Even at 16, kids need parental attention.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 01:40 PM
 
2,432 posts, read 3,201,408 times
Reputation: 3164
Quote:
Originally Posted by flycessna View Post
So really the issue is his attitude with us! He cant give more then a one word answer, rolls his eyes, grunts, and shakes his head everytime we try to talk to him..
I think sometimes, teens don't even realize how disrespectful they sound. I use to roll my eyes at my mom w/o even realizing I was doing it. I now see my daughter do this too. Punishment wasn't always working, so I just flat out let her know how hurt I was at her attitude towards me. I mean, I got teary eyed letting her know my feelings. It wasn't long before she came to me, hugged me and apologized.

As far as her talking to me, I found the best conversations we have take place in the car. If you can, maybe ask your son to run the next errand w/ you. Ask questions that demand more than a "yes" or "no" answer. Alot of times, I start off by telling my daughter what I did during the day, or something funny that happened to me. This opens her up to telling me about her day.

Text you son! I love receiving texts from my daughter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2010, 01:52 PM
 
4,120 posts, read 7,697,886 times
Reputation: 4446
Yes, he is a teenager and this too shall pass. Patience.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top