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Defending ones self is neanderthal like? I don't see how. I didn't say beat up everyone just protect your self. As a former bullied kid I know that school's aren't going to do a bit of good and tattling will only make things worse so I learned to stand up for myself.
I agree with you, I have 4 boys ranging in age from 22 to 10, our boys have been taught to not pick fights, if however they are in a situation where they are being bullied and they can't get away then they are to fight back. Is it promoting violence, is it neanderthal? Possibly but when the school cannot or will not do something about a bully then I do not want my boys being picked on.
There have been to many violent instances in the news, where kids being bullied took it until they couldn't take it anymore and what happened was tragic. Our society has deteriorated to the point that bullies think they can get away with anything and there will be no consequences, because God forbid we damage a childs psyche by punishing them.
When I was growing up a long time ago, the way to stop a bully was for the one being bullied to protect themselves and that would effectively stop the bully. Today our kids that are trying to protect themselves know they face suspension or expulsion if they try and defend themselves. What kind of message does that send to these kids? Just be quiet and take the bullying?
You are very correct on the tattling part, these kids that are being bullied know that if they tell and nothing is done or even if something is done when the bully gets the chance they will get hit again.
FWIW I don't feel that every bully has issues at home, some kids and adults are just plain mean and hateful. You even see plenty of the meaness on CD, where people seem to think that the anonymity allows them to say anything they please with total disregard to others, and that is exactly what a bully does, they say and do what they please no matter who they hurt. I am sure I will get flamed for this post but that is okay, these are my opinions and so far it has worked for us as a family.
lisalan - Defending ones person with physical means is not neandarthal behavior. If we are to assume that David is our little caveman running around clubbing people, then it isn't a far stretch to assume that all the reasoning, punishment and counseling in the world will not have an immediate effect upon his behavior. If David only understands hitting as a way to get what he wants or deal with his emotions, then hitting him back is the most effective means for your son to not be his target.
Zero tolerances and consequences be damned, empower your kid to defend his person, even if that means he needs to beat little Davey to a pulp the next time he hits him. I'm not saying that you shouldn't pursue it through the system as well, as it sounds David needs some real help, but I would also make them aware that you have told your son it's OK to "take the gloves off" if someone starts a fight with him or hits him.
Anti-bullying policies can never be 100% effective in defending your child, it's impossible. Also, in this case it seems like the "bully" has subtle triggers that cause him to lash out. Chances are the fear of consequence won't be crossing his mind when it happens, but he may very well remember that the last time I hit lisalan's son he hit me back HARD and it hurt and move on to a different target. If enough people empowered their kids this way, there wouldn't be any targets left.
lisalan - Defending ones person with physical means is not neandarthal behavior. If we are to assume that David is our little caveman running around clubbing people, then it isn't a far stretch to assume that all the reasoning, punishment and counseling in the world will not have an immediate effect upon his behavior. If David only understands hitting as a way to get what he wants or deal with his emotions, then hitting him back is the most effective means for your son to not be his target.
Zero tolerances and consequences be damned, empower your kid to defend his person, even if that means he needs to beat little Davey to a pulp the next time he hits him. I'm not saying that you shouldn't pursue it through the system as well, as it sounds David needs some real help, but I would also make them aware that you have told your son it's OK to "take the gloves off" if someone starts a fight with him or hits him.
Anti-bullying policies can never be 100% effective in defending your child, it's impossible. Also, in this case it seems like the "bully" has subtle triggers that cause him to lash out. Chances are the fear of consequence won't be crossing his mind when it happens, but he may very well remember that the last time I hit lisalan's son he hit me back HARD and it hurt and move on to a different target. If enough people empowered their kids this way, there wouldn't be any targets left.
Oh give me a break Yes lets all just resort back to violence to resolve everything. How neanderthal-like.
If someone was beating on you would you roll over and ask for more?
I don't like being hit and I don't like hitting, mostly because I suck at fighting but if someone slapped my back and punched me in the face it would be on like donkey kong.
If someone did that to me now I'd pop them back.
I'm not a neanderthal or violent but if someone is hitting me I WILL show them just how bad it hurts to being hit in the face and that I won't be taking crap from them.
And not to make light of the situation since the kid sounds like a real bully and that he has issues but your kid got punched in the face and has a bruise, big deal, it happens. Kids get bruises, they get into fights, it happens.
No need to coddle him or anything because honestly the real world is worse, and if he gets punched in the real world, there is no play ground monitor to take the kid to the principals office, there are police who will most likely get there AFTER the guy has fled the scene.
Nothing irks me more than people who can't handle things outside their bubble wrapped world.
If someone was beating on you would you roll over and ask for more?
I don't like being hit and I don't like hitting, mostly because I suck at fighting but if someone slapped my back and punched me in the face it would be on like donkey kong.
If someone did that to me now I'd pop them back.
I'm not a neanderthal or violent but if someone is hitting me I WILL show them just how bad it hurts to being hit in the face and that I won't be taking crap from them.
And not to make light of the situation since the kid sounds like a real bully and that he has issues but your kid got punched in the face and has a bruise, big deal, it happens. Kids get bruises, they get into fights, it happens. No need to coddle him or anything because honestly the real world is worse, and if he gets punched in the real world, there is no play ground monitor to take the kid to the principals office, there are police who will most likely get there AFTER the guy has fled the scene.
Nothing irks me more than people who can't handle things outside their bubble wrapped world.
I understand the point you are trying to make, but this is a little kid we are talking about, the real world will intrude soon enough no reason to rush it. You are young and don't have kids, wait until you do, all of your pre-child ideas quickly fade away as that child becomes the center of your world, and you want to rescue them from that or those which hurt them.
And not to make light of the situation since the kid sounds like a real bully and that he has issues but your kid got punched in the face and has a bruise, big deal, it happens. Kids get bruises, they get into fights, it happens.
No need to coddle him or anything because honestly the real world is worse, and if he gets punched in the real world, there is no play ground monitor to take the kid to the principals office, there are police who will most likely get there AFTER the guy has fled the scene.
Nothing irks me more than people who can't handle things outside their bubble wrapped world.
From what we learned this child has some real problems. I had no problems with my sons returning a punch. But something like this - with a kick to the head - let's just say a whole lot of alarm bells went off for me yesterday as I read lisalan's posts.
This very well could be a child that the cops and the courts and society are dealing with in the years to come if there is no intervention now.
Sorry, txtqueen, you are not one to talk about a "bubble wrapped world". Because you are still in one and you don't even realise it. (I thought I knew it all at your age too and I was out in the world a lot more than you are now. Boy, was I naive. You'll learn.)
If someone was beating on you would you roll over and ask for more?
I don't like being hit and I don't like hitting, mostly because I suck at fighting but if someone slapped my back and punched me in the face it would be on like donkey kong.
If someone did that to me now I'd pop them back.
I'm not a neanderthal or violent but if someone is hitting me I WILL show them just how bad it hurts to being hit in the face and that I won't be taking crap from them.
And not to make light of the situation since the kid sounds like a real bully and that he has issues but your kid got punched in the face and has a bruise, big deal, it happens. Kids get bruises, they get into fights, it happens.
No need to coddle him or anything because honestly the real world is worse, and if he gets punched in the real world, there is no play ground monitor to take the kid to the principals office, there are police who will most likely get there AFTER the guy has fled the scene.
Nothing irks me more than people who can't handle things outside their bubble wrapped world.
I take your advice with a grain of salt. You're young, you still live at home, you have no children of your own. You have NO idea what you are talking about here. YOU my dear are the one who lives in a bubble wrapped world not me.
Last edited by KylieEve; 10-20-2010 at 03:51 PM..
Reason: .
I understand the point you are trying to make, but this is a little kid we are talking about, the real world will intrude soon enough no reason to rush it. You are young and don't have kids, wait until you do, all of your pre-child ideas quickly fade away as that child becomes the center of your world, and you want to rescue them from that or those which hurt them.
It does not sound like bullying to me.
Sounds like boys being boys.
Bullying is ongoing.
You will only know if it is bullying sometime in the future.
For now be thankful the school called you.
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Yes lets all just resort back to violence to resolve everything. How neanderthal-like.
