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Old 10-22-2010, 04:10 PM
 
Location: Canada
3,430 posts, read 4,317,594 times
Reputation: 2186

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Quote:
Originally Posted by strawflower View Post
Well in that case, you shouldn't be giving advice in teen related threads, since you don't have teens.

I don't agree with text queens advice. Sue me!
I AM a parent. Last time I checked I had a right to decide whose advice I feel has some credibility.
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Old 10-22-2010, 04:15 PM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,819,445 times
Reputation: 12273
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Are you saying that your mind is set? And you don't want to take 15 minutes to write a simple letter?

Are you also saying that you don't see how calling the police will make things worse for your children throughout the years living in the same neighborhood?
Can you not see that putting unfounded accusations of abuse against another person in writing is unwise and could lead to very serious legal consequences for the OP?

She does not KNOW that he is being abused. All she KNOWS FOR SURE is that this kid is violent. That's it. He might be the victim of abuse. But he might not. He might have a mental illness. But he might not. He may be witness to domestic violence. But he might not. It is unfair, unwise and unethical to write a letter accusing another person of something without any proof whatsoever. I do not know the laws in Canada but in the US it is libelous to write such a letter.
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Old 10-22-2010, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Canada
3,430 posts, read 4,317,594 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
Can you not see that putting unfounded accusations of abuse against another person in writing is unwise and could lead to very serious legal consequences for the OP?

She does not KNOW that he is being abused. All she KNOWS FOR SURE is that this kid is violent. That's it. He might be the victim of abuse. But he might not. He might have a mental illness. But he might not. He may be witness to domestic violence. But he might not. It is unfair, unwise and unethical to write a letter accusing another person of something without any proof whatsoever. I do not know the laws in Canada but in the US it is libelous to write such a letter.

Exactly. I don't want to say something in this letter that is going to hurt the situation even more. Wish I could rep you again Momma_bear.
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Old 10-22-2010, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 11,688,518 times
Reputation: 19539
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
Hopes I do have compassion. Please don't imply that I don't care. As a parent the first person I am thinking of is my son. I also have 2 other very young kids.
What about David's parents? Should they not be the ones trying to help their own son? I can't be responsible for everyone elses kids. I wish I could help every child out there but realistically I can't.
My son was the one was abused here. I am sick and tired of it. I don't want it to continue. David and my son do not live in the same neighbourhood. My son is picked up by the bus and dropped off in David's neighbourhood. I live about 20 minutes from David.
I need to protect MY son first and worry about David SECOND. If the school is not going to do anything further then my only recourse is to see if they will get David expelled. I don't think its fair that we should have to live in fear of David.
Who is to say that David can even be helped?
I am concerned that perhaps as you suggested before David is being abused. How do I go about saying that to the principal. I can't accuse his parents of soemthing so horrible without proof.
It sounds to me like you've already made up your mind. You said this little guy is 7 years old!? He has been on this earth for 7 measly years?! Already he's beyond help? OMG that is so sad. As Hopes said, this "It's all about me/mine mentality is what's wrong with this society.

I raised 4 children who were the kindest, sweetest, most empathetic kids in school. They occasionally got picked on when they were younger....mostly because they made themselves targets by NOT joining in when the "mainstream" kids were picking on someone. You know what? They were the "teachers' favorites", parents' favorites, and as they got into high school, were students' favorites as well. My children were taught that if there was a child being singled out and picked on by the other students, I EXPECTED them to step in and be a friend to the underdog. Oh...they were, however, also allowed to hit back when a bully hit them first!
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Old 10-22-2010, 04:45 PM
 
Location: The Midwest
2,966 posts, read 3,899,887 times
Reputation: 5329
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
Why are you picking on me here. Anyways tell me how you would handle this situation. What should I do? Should I tell me son to go up to David and beat the crap out of him?
You've gotten TONS of great advice on here. Unfortunately, it seems like you already have your mind made up that you shouldn't have to help David. It is okay to only want to protect your son. I get that. However, it's a sad, sad world we live in when a person can't even take 15 minutes to write a letter to the principal. The "all about me/my kids" mentality won't get you too far in life. If nothing comes out of the letter and it turns out that this boy just is a big brat, then so be it. But I'd rather that than have something actually be wrong with the kid, but knowing you didn't help.

You know, it might not be a bad idea to encourage your son to become friends with David, or at least be friendly to him. For David, I'm assuming that it would be awfully comforting to know that he had at least one friend in the class. Maybe that would encourage him NOT to be a bully.
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Old 10-22-2010, 04:48 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 10,482,203 times
Reputation: 3206
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
It sounds to me like you've already made up your mind. You said this little guy is 7 years old!? He has been on this earth for 7 measly years?! Already he's beyond help? OMG that is so sad. As Hopes said, this "It's all about me/mine mentality is what's wrong with this society.

I raised 4 children who were the kindest, sweetest, most empathetic kids in school. They occasionally got picked on when they were younger....mostly because they made themselves targets by NOT joining in when the "mainstream" kids were picking on someone. You know what? They were the "teachers' favorites", parents' favorites, and as they got into high school, were students' favorites as well. My children were taught that if there was a child being singled out and picked on by the other students, I EXPECTED them to step in and be a friend to the underdog. Oh...they were, however, also allowed to hit back when a bully hit them first!
I think one of the best things you can do as a parent (be emphatetic) & teach your child.

Our children learn by watching us & hearing us. Their growth & development & ability to defend themselves is a direct reflection of us, whether we like it or not.
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Old 10-22-2010, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 11,688,518 times
Reputation: 19539
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
I think one of the best things you can do as a parent (be emphatetic) & teach your child.

Our children learn by watching us & hearing us. Their growth & development & ability to defend themselves is a direct reflection of us, whether we like it or not.
I could not agree with you more! Not only have my husband and I constantly tried to demonstrate compassion and empathy for others, but to talk these things out with our kids as well. For instance, if the kids see someone walking down the road by themselves, having a conversation with "someone", we take it as the perfect opportunity to share "mental illness" issues with them and if the person speaks to us, we speak back. When the person moves on, we DON'T speak ill of them, but again, take the opportunity to TEACH them, share with them what could be going on with the person.

If someone does something bad to us or threatens us, we demonstrate the right to defend ourselves. Generally, a warning of "Please don't make me call 9-1-1. You don't want this and I don't want this." We try, with all of our might, to be good examples of truly good people to our children. This seems to be paying off! LOL
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Old 10-22-2010, 05:40 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 10,482,203 times
Reputation: 3206
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
I could not agree with you more! Not only have my husband and I constantly tried to demonstrate compassion and empathy for others, but to talk these things out with our kids as well. For instance, if the kids see someone walking down the road by themselves, having a conversation with "someone", we take it as the perfect opportunity to share "mental illness" issues with them and if the person speaks to us, we speak back. When the person moves on, we DON'T speak ill of them, but again, take the opportunity to TEACH them, share with them what could be going on with the person.

If someone does something bad to us or threatens us, we demonstrate the right to defend ourselves. Generally, a warning of "Please don't make me call 9-1-1. You don't want this and I don't want this." We try, with all of our might, to be good examples of truly good people to our children. This seems to be paying off! LOL
OH, and sometimes they cannot stand when we are emphatetic towards them b/c it was not a "reaction".
Such as "I know it is upsetting not to be able to watch tv right now."
It puts it all back on them to figure out.

My son has a child who has cerebal palsy in his class & told me one day he doesn't play w/ him b/c he is "too slow". I explained to him that I bet it would warm this boy's heart if my son said hi to him. Didn't TELL my child he had to say hi or even play with him. Gave him something he could relate to & would probably want himself. Empathy. It is an incredibly powerful tool.
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Old 10-22-2010, 06:09 PM
 
Location: maryland
3,966 posts, read 6,843,825 times
Reputation: 1740
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
I don't agree with text queens advice. Sue me!
I AM a parent. Last time I checked I had a right to decide whose advice I feel has some credibility.

*sues you*
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Old 10-22-2010, 06:14 PM
 
Location: maryland
3,966 posts, read 6,843,825 times
Reputation: 1740
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
Why are you picking on me here. Anyways tell me how you would handle this situation. What should I do? Should I tell me son to go up to David and beat the crap out of him?

LOL no, but you should let him know that if he does it again to pop him right back. I don't think he needs to be engaging in any revenge attacks though now since the situation has been dealt with and should be let rest.
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