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Aren't people assuming a little much? Just because he is a bully and his parents don't care doesn't mean he is abused.
I don't always agree with you on everything but on this I do.
How presumptious the OP would be if she told the principal that this child was being abused at home. That is a very serious accusation to make, especially if she doesn't know all the circumstances. All she knows is that this child has hit several kids and noone likes him, beyond that everything else is purely speculation.
Does everyone seriously think that every person who bullies has been abused?
I am glad that so many of you can be so empathetic to someone who is hurting your child, I think I can figure out better ways to teach my kids empathy that to try and help someone who bullied them.
In light of the incidents between David and my son and other children, I am sure that the school realizes that David is a very troubled child. In order for my son and all the children in the school to be safe, I believe that David may need more intervention than he is currently being given at school. I would like all possible resources to be used to insure that David's behavior is addressed. Punishment is appropriate, but something more is needed in order to help David learn how to resolve conflicts without violence.
Sincerely,
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear
Would you really send a letter to the school suggesting that David is a "very troubled child" and that he needs "intervention"?
Intervention is an appropriate word in this situation because intervention is a word used in the education setting, but the letter could be tweaked a bit.
Here are my changes:
Dear ----------,
In light of the incidents between David and my son and other children, I am sure that the school realizes that David's behavior is extremely concerning. In order for my son and all the children in the school to be safe, I believe that David may need more intervention than he is currently being given at school. I would like all possible resources to be used to insure that David's behavior is addressed. Punishment is appropriate, but something more is needed in order to help David learn how to resolve conflicts without violence.
Sincerely,
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear
How upset would YOU be if someone sent a letter like that to school administrators about YOUR CHILD with no proof?
The letter does not accuse the parents of abuse. It doesn't even imply abuse. And that was your original concern about sending a letter. The letter is appropriate. It puts the school on notice that Lisalan expects the school to do EVERYTHING to protect her son, which includes intervention to help David learn the skills necessary to interact acceptably in society. It also provides Lisalan stronger recourse if David's behavior continues since she will have a copy of a letter as proof that the school was notified of her concerns. The school will not tell the parents about the letter, and if they do, they will not say who sent the letter.
Intervention is an appropriate word in this situation because intervention is a word used in the education setting, but the letter could be tweaked a bit.
Here are my changes:
Dear ----------,
In light of the incidents between David and my son and other children, I am sure that the school realizes that David's behavior is extremely concerning. In order for my son and all the children in the school to be safe, I believe that David may need more intervention than he is currently being given at school. I would like all possible resources to be used to insure that David's behavior is addressed. Punishment is appropriate, but something more is needed in order to help David learn how to resolve conflicts without violence.
Sincerely,
-------------------
The letter does not accuse the parents of abuse. It doesn't even imply abuse. And that was your original concern about sending a letter. The letter is appropriate. It puts the school on notice that Lisalan expects the school to do EVERYTHING to protect her son, which includes intervention to help David learn the skills necessary to interact acceptably in society. It also provides Lisalan stronger recourse if David's behavior continues since she will have a copy of a letter as proof that the school was notified of her concerns. The school will not tell the parents about the letter, and if they do, they will not say who sent the letter.
People who work in schools are mandated reporters in most states. I do not know if Canada has those same requirements for educators but I suspect that at least some provinces do. Teachers who work with the child would have a much better idea if the child needs some sort of professional help. A parent whose only knowledge is that the child is violent is not in any position to suggest to the school that some sort of intervention (whatever that means) is in order. A parent would be overstepping their bounds to make such a claim.
As an educator I have suggested that mental health professionals at school see some of my students. However, these were children who I saw on a daily basis. I had some FIRST HAND nowledge of how these kids interacted with peers and could see evidence that I thought warranted investigation. I just don't think the OP has any way of knowing whether this child is just an out of control brat or if he has mental health issues. I think it would be irresponsible of her to suggest that she did have some knowledge.
Of course if an adult has some knowledge of abuse, or a real reason to suspect abuse they should report it to the appropriate authorities. But you know some kids really are just brats.
People who work in schools are mandated reporters in most states. I do not know if Canada has those same requirements for educators but I suspect that at least some provinces do. Teachers who work with the child would have a much better idea if the child needs some sort of professional help. A parent whose only knowledge is that the child is violent is not in any position to suggest to the school that some sort of intervention (whatever that means) is in order. A parent would be overstepping their bounds to make such a claim.
As an educator I have suggested that mental health professionals at school see some of my students. However, these were children who I saw on a daily basis. I had some FIRST HAND nowledge of how these kids interacted with peers and could see evidence that I thought warranted investigation. I just don't think the OP has any way of knowing whether this child is just an out of control brat or if he has mental health issues. I think it would be irresponsible of her to suggest that she did have some knowledge.
Of course if an adult has some knowledge of abuse, or a real reason to suspect abuse they should report it to the appropriate authorities. But you know some kids really are just brats.
I'm confused by your response because the letter says NOTHING whatsoever about abuse.
The letter is appropriately asking that the school intervene and teach David skills to manage his behavior, which will in turn help protect Lisalan's child too.
I don't understand why you have a problem with that. The word 'intervention' is used in an educational setting for many things, helping with reading, helping behavior, etc.
While the school pursues teaching these skills to David, the professionals working closely with him will have an opportunity to understand David better.
If the school district does this right, David will be evaluated by the education psychologist and provided counseling on behavior by the school social worker.
Those are two very well trained professional who might identify abuse without being asked---just like you could identify abuse in the course of your day.
Nobody is accusing the parents of abuse. But while David is working closely with trained professionals on his behavior, they might identify abuse on their own.
Either way, David will learning important life skills and the children at school will be safer too. It's a win, win.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear
People who work in schools are mandated reporters in most states. I do not know if Canada has those same requirements for educators but I suspect that at least some provinces do. Teachers who work with the child would have a much better idea if the child needs some sort of professional help. A parent whose only knowledge is that the child is violent is not in any position to suggest to the school that some sort of intervention (whatever that means) is in order.
For the record, this is what intervention means in education.
*Basics of Special Education: General Education Interventions (http://resources.sai-iowa.org/specialed/interventions.html - broken link)
I'm not sure why you've never heard of 'intervention' in the education setting.
The letter is asking for an intervention concerning David's behavior, not abuse. The word intervention is appropriate. The letter is appropriate.
School districts often use a minimum of services because services are expensive. The letter will press the district to use all resources available.
Whatever David's problem, the school district has clearly not done enough to date.
Lisalan, as a parent of a child who was injured by David, has a right to request that the district does more.
.
Last edited by Hopes; 10-22-2010 at 09:00 PM..
Reason: edited to add web link
Sending a letter like that is presuming to tell the educators their job, and presuming that you, someone else's parent, know what someone else's kid needs. It isn't your call to make, whether David needs "something more" than punishment. You, a parent, are not qualified to determine whether or not David's behavior is concerning. You CAN express that YOU are concerned with what you've heard about David's behavior.
You don't KNOW what's going on, you know only what you've heard third-hand, and some by children whose interpretation skills are not as advanced as grownups. For all you know, it could be that this kid David gets picked on regularly and all of his violence has been attempts to defend himself. Or, he might be mentally handicapped, medicated, and the staff knows perfectly well what his deal is, but it's none of your business, so they won't tell you. The only thing that's your business is that your child got hit.
The staff knows what's going on, they know what to do, they know their job. It's not your place to tell them what they need to do. It IS your place to file a complaint, to let them know, for the record that you are disturbed by the reports you've received about this situation and you'd like it looked into.
And then leave it to the professionals to decide what needs to be done.
Sending a letter like that is presuming to tell the educators their job, and presuming that you, someone else's parent, know what someone else's kid needs. It isn't your call to make, whether David needs "something more" than punishment. You, a parent, are not qualified to determine whether or not David's behavior is concerning. You CAN express that YOU are concerned with what you've heard about David's behavior.
You don't KNOW what's going on, you know only what you've heard third-hand, and some by children whose interpretation skills are not as advanced as grownups. For all you know, it could be that this kid David gets picked on regularly and all of his violence has been attempts to defend himself. Or, he might be mentally handicapped, medicated, and the staff knows perfectly well what his deal is, but it's none of your business, so they won't tell you. The only thing that's your business is that your child got hit.
The staff knows what's going on, they know what to do, they know their job. It's not your place to tell them what they need to do. It IS your place to file a complaint, to let them know, for the record that you are disturbed by the reports you've received about this situation and you'd like it looked into.
And then leave it to the professionals to decide what needs to be done.
The letter merely states the concerns of a parent whose child was injured by David and asks the professionals to evaluate what needs to be done.
Any parent whose child has been injured by David has a right to request that the school intervene and provide David with the skills to control his physical attacks.
The letter does exactly what I bolded in your post. Changing it to say "evaluate for intervention" would all that would need to be changed to meet your standards.
In light of the incidents between David and my son and other children, I am sure that the school realizes that David's behavior is extremely concerning. In order for my son and all the children in the school to be safe, I request that David be evaluted for more intervention than he is currently being given at school. I would like all possible resources to be used to insure that David's behavior is addressed. Punishment is appropriate, but something more is needed in order to help David learn how to resolve conflicts without violence.
Sincerely,
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If you have what you feel is valid advice feel free to post it. No need for the sarcasm.
