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My kids graduated from high school in 2002 and 2005. Their health classes consistently emphasized that the only sure fire way to avoid pregnancy was abstinence. They were taught about birth control methods as well. While I agree that kids have "always" (at least since I was in high school) known about condoms, many don't know much else. I think it's good to teach them methods of avoiding pregnancy, including abstinence, so that abortion is "safe, legal and rare". I think teaching straight absinence is foolish, though I have read studies about how teaching "abstinence for now" works on middle school kids. But abstinence until marriage is unrealistic.
Nope, my 13yr gets a girl pregnant, he can rack leaves, cut the grass, wash dishes, wash the car, vacuum,...I can come up w/ a whole list of jobs that can take up all his spare time, in between finishing school & caring for his baby b/c legally a 13yr old cannot get a job. But I can find LOTS of jobs around my house for a really long time. That way, he can figure out if 2 mins of sex was worth it.
I said that I was legally responsible for my child, thus his child also, but as a parent, I won't sit around & babysit for him while he can be a "teenager".
Yep, they can pay rent...in terms of paying for the food they eat in my home, the water they use, basically, everything.
I, along with a whole host of other people I know, wasn't walking hand and hand up to Planned Parenthood w/ my mommy b/c "just face it, I was going to have sex." My parents surely talked to me about sex. And that if I got pregnant, the whole list of changes. And since my parents were never my friends to begin with, I took them seriously.
As for babysitting, unless the mother takes the father to court, the father & his family are allowed to see the baby. And nope, I can be in the house, but I don't need to be changing the diapers or feeding the baby while my son texts his friends. He can do it.
My kids will decide have to sex whether I like it or not.But I see no decrease in teen pregnancies w/ condoms being available left & right, either.
But I will not get on the bandwagon of giving them all the tools to have sex & then say "oh, wait, the only way to NOT get an STD or pregnant is NOT to have sex, but here are some condoms..." It's the easy route, but that is the way of parenting today...the easiest way that makes the least amount of noise & makes the parent seem all involved, concerned and politically correct.
Ahem... no. That's why the teen pregnancy rate is so high. It's because of this totally unrealistic attitude. What good is having condoms available left and right when you won't tell your child to use them?
You can lecture them until you're blue in the face to wait to have sex, (until when, exactly?) and hopefully they will, but their biology is telling them otherwise and will eventually override your voice inside their head.
There are not very many parents who condone their children having sex. However, there are parents who are facing up to the fact that despite their best efforts it's probably going to happen. I disagree totally that giving them birth control is the easy way out. To the contrary, you then have to be extra vigilant with them and make sure they don't see it as some kind of free pass.
I hope to instill all the self respect I can in my daughter so that she makes good decisions about her first sexual experiences, but just in case - because I cannot be with her 24/7 and parents are the last to know about these things - she will be on some form of birth control when she is able to get pregnant.
She has to, because there are parents out there who will not give nor educate their boys about condoms.
I'm sorry - I missed this post and since it quoted me originally I want to answer a few of these points:
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804
That's fine & dandy. And if my boys decide & willingly choose to have sex, be it w/ or w/o protection & become a baby daddy, they can have lots of fun raising the child, also. I will not fund their baby making.
The thing is, you won't have to. Most likely your boys won't have to either. The girl (and her parents) will be left literally holding the baby, as usual. I commend boys that try to make it work. But most of them can't. It's too big a job for a 16/17 year old.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804
I'm not going to store & buying them condoms as that does not protect against pregnancy.
They don't, always. But having sex without them is a making it much more risky. For both of them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804
Most teenage boys know about condoms and birth control, as do teenage girls. Whether or not they chose to use it, that is their choice, as is having sex. My choice as a parent is to teach abstinence as that is the one & only true method of avoiding teenage pregnancy & STDs.
Yes you're right. Abstinence is the one and only true method. If they stick to it. Good luck with that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804
If they are mature enough to have sex at 13, guess they are mature enough to raise a child. Legally, I have responsibility of my children for some time, but that does not mean I have to financially tend to the baby or babysit while they work nights & weekends to buy diapers and clothes. Oh, and pay rent. Again, mature enough to have sex, mature enough to be an adult & reality is what it is.
Since when did you have to be mature to have sex??? The fact that any teenager at all gets pregnant in this day and age proves that you don't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804
I have a relative w/ 3 baby daddy's. No high schoo diploma. Grandparents provide everything, even the trip to the GYN when she was a teenager for birth control. She still got pregnant. Not once. Not twice. But 3 times before she was 21. Now, grandparents have custody of #1.
I kind of see how the first one would happen. But why the hel* didn't this girl get an IUD immediately after giving birth?? That would pretty much guarantee she wouldn't have had two more. If she'd have been placed on something at puberty NONE of this would have happened. It's an argument FOR birth control, not AGAINST it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804
Condoms and sex ed have been going on in our schools for years. Kids can get condoms as easily as they get drugs and alcohol.
Yes, but they have to actually put them on before the act. They don't do any good sitting in your wallet. Therefore, if all of the girls are protected by some other means, the numbers of pregnant teens will reduce significantly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804
And I, as the parent, will not fall victim that if we provide condoms and birth control to them when they are 12, it will cut down on pregnancy.
Absitenence is not being encouraged, but rather condoms and the pill. Obviously, condoms and b.c. in our teenagers is also not working....
It's not working because abstinence is being encouraged and abstinence doesn't work. And I, as the parent of a daughter, am terrified by your attitude that giving your sons condoms when they are old enough to be sexually active is something to "fall victim" to. It's not working because people with your POV will not give their children birth control.
This is why you can never, ever rely on the boy for adequate protection. Girls will always need to be proactive about it as soon as possible.
Ahem... no. That's why the teen pregnancy rate is so high. It's because of this totally unrealistic attitude. What good is having condoms available left and right when you won't tell your child to use them?
You can lecture them until you're blue in the face to wait to have sex, (until when, exactly?) and hopefully they will, but their biology is telling them otherwise and will eventually override your voice inside their head.
There are not very many parents who condone their children having sex. However, there are parents who are facing up to the fact that despite their best efforts it's probably going to happen. I disagree totally that giving them birth control is the easy way out. To the contrary, you then have to be extra vigilant with them and make sure they don't see it as some kind of free pass.
I hope to instill all the self respect I can in my daughter so that she makes good decisions about her first sexual experiences, but just in case - because I cannot be with her 24/7 and parents are the last to know about these things - she will be on some form of birth control when she is able to get pregnant.
She has to, because there are parents out there who will not give nor educate their boys about condoms.
If you drag your daughters out to be given a birth control implant or hand your sons condoms when they go out on dates, what other message can you be giving them but that they're being given a pass and that you assume they will be having sex?
I highly doubt that children of parents who sit down and discuss the seriousness and consequences of sex such as the cost to their careers and education, child care costs, child support for 18 years and how to avoid getting to "the point of no return" and all are more likely to run out and have sex than those being handed birth control and shown how to use them.
I am also quite sure that 99% of girls today knew full well where babies came from before becoming impregnated, and that birth control failure is a lot of the cause of teen pregnancy.
I don't think a girl being put on birth control at age 13 and shown how to use condoms is less likely to become impregnated than a girl who is not allowed to date until age 16 or 17 and is taught that she can say no and how to avoid the situations.
And a boy handed a box of condoms when he tells the parents he likes some girl is more likely going to impregnate a girl than a boy who is taught that his parents hold him responsible and that he needs to keep it zipped.
Parents can guide their children - it's not true that all kids are getting it on by the time they hit 12 or 13 years of age. Parents can certainly help children delay sex until adulthood. There's a huge difference between pregnancy at 18 years of age and at 13 years of age. And another huge difference at 21 years of age. Really all parents might be able to do is get them to adulthood but of course at some point the decision is theirs to make.
Either I'm getting soft in the head or malamute is; this is the second time today I've agreed with him!
I raised two daughters to adulthood, so I feel I have some cred here. I did not put my daughters on bc when they became sexually mature. I am appalled at the idea that any parent would do so. Kids should be taught how to say "no", boys and girls alike. It is my personal opinion that kids in high school should not be having sex. I am realistic enough to know that's not true for all of them, so sex education is important. I do think a lot of teen pregnancy is caused by failure to use birth control. I have taught teen parenting classes. A lot of these young ladies do not want to use birth control, even after they've had a baby. But I'm digressing.
If you drag your daughters out to be given a birth control implant or hand your sons condoms when they go out on dates, what other message can you be giving them but that they're being given a pass and that you assume they will be having sex?
I highly doubt that children of parents who sit down and discuss the seriousness and consequences of sex such as the cost to their careers and education, child care costs, child support for 18 years and how to avoid getting to "the point of no return" and all are more likely to run out and have sex than those being handed birth control and shown how to use them.
I am also quite sure that 99% of girls today knew full well where babies came from before becoming impregnated, and that birth control failure is a lot of the cause of teen pregnancy.
I don't think a girl being put on birth control at age 13 and shown how to use condomsis less likely to become impregnated than a girl who is not allowed to date until age 16 or 17 and is taught that she can say no and how to avoid the situations.
And a boy handed a box of condoms when he tells the parents he likes some girl is more likely going to impregnate a girl than a boy who is taught that his parents hold him responsible and that he needs to keep it zipped.
Parents can guide their children - it's not true that all kids are getting it on by the time they hit 12 or 13 years of age. Parents can certainly help children delay sex until adulthood. There's a huge difference between pregnancy at 18 years of age and at 13 years of age. And another huge difference at 21 years of age. Really all parents might be able to do is get them to adulthood but of course at some point the decision is theirs to make.
I don't know why people think the two things are mutually exclusive.
You can teach your children all the essential reasons why they should abstain until they are emotionally ready and mature enough to handle having sex, and the possible consequences of their actions, while still making sure they are prepared in the event that they decide to (either planned or in the heat of the moment) do it anyway.
You don't hand the boy condoms for the first time when he is walking out the door on a date, as if you're patting him on the back saying "You go Son..". You have conversations with him about sex from a very young age, explain all the ramifications of it - emotional, social, and moral, not just reproductive - and when he becomes pubescent, hand him a box of condoms and reiterate all the reasons why he should not have sex. HOWEVER, in the event he does, you expect him to take the responsible route.
Same with girls. Double with the full on discussions about the emotional and physical ramifications. I would like to see birth control (something that's semi permanent included in their first gynecological visit) become an expected preventative health measure. If we all do this as a matter of routine, without sensationalizing it, then kids are way less likely in the future to go "woo hoo, I got an IUD, I'm 14 and I'm going to run out and have sex now."
Let's face it, if you done that bad a job as a parent that when you introduce birth control to a teen they see it as a free pass to have sex, and none of the things you've taught them sticks - then you are out of luck regardless.
I don't know what parts of Germany you are speaking of so I cannot speak to that population.
Dorothy
Well... I live here and no one taught us anything! I don't think something changed since then? (I remember that in the 7th grade a doctor came and asked us if we have any questions about sex but everyone started to make fun of him and he left... and that's the norm) And no, the low teen pregnancies are not because of easy access to contraceptives but because of abstinence! Before I finished high-school just 1 guy in my class had sex.
In the south, there is a lot of opposition to sex education classes that do anything other than talk about abstinence. On the Texas ballot, we have a proposition this year that insists on requiring a sonogram and looking at it for any mother who wants a *medically unnecessary* abortion. While I don't favor abortion, I think discriminating against women when this should be a decision between her and her doctor is a crime.
Note, we were just discussing this on another board and a Canadian member talked about the fact that starting in grade 5 and continuing every year until "Grade 12 Sex Day,* they got the information to make good decisions. Also the fact that you could get the morning after pill from any clinic or hospital for free was emphasized. The gross details about STDs grossed her out as well. Condoms were easily available and kids used them.
We need to do more of that here in the US.
I have no issues with abortion (dead fetus is better than a dead newborn!)
But I think all women should be educated in what exactly they are terminating. Maybe if women got a real good look at what exactly they were destroying they wouldn't be on their 5th+ abortion.
If you drag your daughters out to be given a birth control implant or hand your sons condoms when they go out on dates, what other message can you be giving them but that they're being given a pass and that you assume they will be having sex?
I highly doubt that children of parents who sit down and discuss the seriousness and consequences of sex such as the cost to their careers and education, child care costs, child support for 18 years and how to avoid getting to "the point of no return" and all are more likely to run out and have sex than those being handed birth control and shown how to use them.
I am also quite sure that 99% of girls today knew full well where babies came from before becoming impregnated, and that birth control failure is a lot of the cause of teen pregnancy.
I don't think a girl being put on birth control at age 13 and shown how to use condoms is less likely to become impregnated than a girl who is not allowed to date until age 16 or 17 and is taught that she can say no and how to avoid the situations.
And a boy handed a box of condoms when he tells the parents he likes some girl is more likely going to impregnate a girl than a boy who is taught that his parents hold him responsible and that he needs to keep it zipped.
Parents can guide their children - it's not true that all kids are getting it on by the time they hit 12 or 13 years of age. Parents can certainly help children delay sex until adulthood. There's a huge difference between pregnancy at 18 years of age and at 13 years of age. And another huge difference at 21 years of age. Really all parents might be able to do is get them to adulthood but of course at some point the decision is theirs to make.
WOW... Condoms and BC a pass to have sex??? No you letting your teen out of the house to interact with their peers is all the pass they need. TRUST me.
They are going to have sex with or without those condoms and BC. So why not be open with them about it and help educate them in the many forms of protection.
There is NOTHING wrong with educated teen sex. What is wrong is prude parents that have no clue how the world has changed thinking their sweet little angels haven't had more sex partner before they exit their teen years than their parents have had their whole life.
My son and I were talking about this earlier tonight when I verified with him that he wasn't taught abortion in general sex education class, only abstinence and contraceptives.
In light of my discussion with my son, I'd like to comment further on the earlier discussion in this thread about contraception bias.
Since he and I were having this conversation, it reminded me to reassure him that his best friend's girlfriend went on birth control. She's 17-1/2. Her mother took her last week. She and my son's best friend have been sexually active for a month, and they are planning to live together next summer after they graduate from high school.
Because my son worries about his friend making stupid decisons that will ruin his life, I thought my son would be relieved that his girlfriend was going on birth control. I was shocked to hear his response: he thought it was tacky for her mother to put her on birth control!
When I asked why, I discovered that he somehow has that stereotype we were discussing earlier in the thread. To him, birth control pills is committment to have sex on a regular basis, but condoms are---just in case---for the rare occurrences. In other words, my son believes in abstinence but recognizes that it's important to be prepared for moments of weakness. He views condoms as something to use "on occassion" when there are lapses of abstinence. He views birth control as throwing the towel in and being a full fledged sl%t.
He recognized that the girl and his friend are a different scenario because they appear to be embarking on monomgomy and a level of committment by moving in together. He said that it was just a gut reaction when first hearing it----because that's how he has always viewed girls on birth control. But he realizes they (meaning kids his age) are entering into adulthood. And since sex is an adult decision, it makes sense that adults would go on birth control.
I'm just surprised. I never knew he held those views. They are right in line with what FinsterRufus mentioned earlier in this thread. I've raised my children rather liberal, yet peers have impressed this sl%t/birth control mentality on him. I guess this means we need to have conversations with our children whatever their age (he is an adult). Afterall, condoms are not the best protection against pregnancy. I'm glad we had this discussion for when he enters a serious, committed relationship in the future.
I'm just glad he logically thought it through during our discussion. I wasn't pushing him. He just came to it naturally while he was answering my question asking why he felt that way. I guess this means that we need to keep having talks with our children whatever their age---even when they are adults!
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