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So after you walked home and she finally came home herself did either of you apologise? Any, "I'm rally sorry I blew up Honey"s? Did you kiss and make up or did you stay mad at each other? I suspect not because she went home to Mum and Dad and you are here venting to all of us.
There should be THREE people in your family. Dad (that's you), Mom (that's your wife) and baby. As things stand now your family consists of Dad, Mom, Son, her mum, her dad, and all of her assorted relatives. And probably friends.
I don't think you want to hear it, but you truly do need some family counseling. She's running home to Mum and Dad. She should be running home to you. Mum and Dad are up here. (Raises hand above head.) You are down here. (Lowers hand to knee level.) That's not a marriage. Sorry. The good news is that a good therapist can help you both see how you ran off the rails. A good therapist/counselor (or a wise old woman who isn't related to either one of you) will also be able to put you back on the tracks. This is entirely fix-able. But you need help to do it.
And yes, you need to get your own act in gear and assume the mantle of HUSBAND, father, provider, comforter, lover, best friend. She needs to know she isn't married to mum and dad. You need to kick yourself in the butt, quit crying, and change the dynamics of your life.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 10-25-2010 at 11:06 AM..
Why don't you take this approach:
"Honey, I'd love to spend some time with the boy this weekend...just me and him...why don't you go and get your hair or nails done or have lunch with a girlfriend?"
Let her get something out of it too. She gets some time to herself to do whatever and you get your bonding time with your son.
On another note, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. You have a family (yes, it's still your family even though it's your wife's) that wants to be with you guys and your son. I don't see the problem...my kids have grandparents that NEVER see them. Don't really even know them. Can't tell you how nice it'd be to be invited to SOMETHING. As bad as you think you've got it (doting family for your son), someone else is wishing they had someone to lean on.
I'm with Mercury Couger on this one. Alot of us are tired of you and begining to just ignore anything from you. Are you a real person or a 11 year old playing on the internet?
I dont think it is about you spending time with your son. I think it is about your jealousy of your inlaws. Your son is an infant, it really isnt going to make a difference if you spend 12 hrs or 6 hrs. with him on the weekend. You are making the quality of time you spend with him worse by constantly being at odds with your wife and in laws. I had to go back to work when my son was 6 weeks old. He still always knew I was him mom and we have a great relationship. Sure I would have loved to be a SAHM, but we have to do what we have to.
You want what you want but you dont stand up and make it happen. Honestly, you argue while she is driving then get out and walk home. That is childish.
If you really want to spend a weekend with your son take the inititive. Try actually taking care of him. Have you wife go out on the town, go spend time with her folks, sleep in etc. while you spend time with your son.
Even better if you wife could get a part time job and you could cut your hours then you would have more time to be a parent.
So after you walked home and she finally came home herself did either of you apologise? Any, "I'm rally sorry I blew up Honey"s? Did you kiss and make up or did you stay mad at each other? I suspect not because she went home to Mum and Dad and you are here venting to all of us.
There should be THREE people in your family. Dad (that's you), Mom (that's your wife) and baby. As things stand now your family consists of Dad, Mom, Son, her mum, her dad, and all of her assorted relatives. And probably friends.
I don't think you want to hear it, but you truly do need some family counseling. She's running home to Mum and Dad. She should be running home to you. Mum and Dad are up here. (Raises hand above head.) You are down here. (Lowers hand to knee level.) That's not a marriage. Sorry. The good news is that a good therapist can help you both see how you ran off the rails. A good therapist/counselor (or a wise old woman who isn't related to either one of you) will also be able to put you back on the tracks. This is entirely fix-able. But you need help to do it.
And yes, you need to get your own act in gear and assume the mantle of HUSBAND, father, provider, comforter, lover, best friend. She needs to know she isn't married to mum and dad. You need to kick yourself in the butt, quit crying, and change the dynamics of your life.
This is the best advice... ignore everything else. Wifey needs to grow up.
I don't think you want to hear it, but you truly do need some family counseling.
<snip>
And yes, you need to get your own act in gear and assume the mantle of HUSBAND, father, provider, comforter, lover, best friend. She needs to know she isn't married to mum and dad. You need to kick yourself in the butt, quit crying, and change the dynamics of your life.
Yep - that's what I was thinking!
Also, why keep asking for advice when you have no intention of following any of it?
So after you walked home and she finally came home herself did either of you apologise? Any, "I'm rally sorry I blew up Honey"s? Did you kiss and make up or did you stay mad at each other? I suspect not because she went home to Mum and Dad and you are here venting to all of us.
There should be THREE people in your family. Dad (that's you), Mom (that's your wife) and baby. As things stand now your family consists of Dad, Mom, Son, her mum, her dad, and all of her assorted relatives. And probably friends.
I don't think you want to hear it, but you truly do need some family counseling. She's running home to Mum and Dad. She should be running home to you. Mum and Dad are up here. (Raises hand above head.) You are down here. (Lowers hand to knee level.) That's not a marriage. Sorry. The good news is that a good therapist can help you both see how you ran off the rails. A good therapist/counselor (or a wise old woman who isn't related to either one of you) will also be able to put you back on the tracks. This is entirely fix-able. But you need help to do it.
And yes, you need to get your own act in gear and assume the mantle of HUSBAND, father, provider, comforter, lover, best friend. She needs to know she isn't married to mum and dad. You need to kick yourself in the butt, quit crying, and change the dynamics of your life.
Perfect Post!!! I have seen so many of this person's threads in the last few weeks and he is basically saying the same thing over and over. Grow a pair DAD and act like a man and a provider. Sounds like you are just a control freak also. I would run too. Nothing like whiney adults.............JMO
Face it, this marriage won't last. The wife is going to get tired of having two babies in the house, and she's going to kick the big one to the curb. Going to be your own fault, Jlow for not getting your sh*t together and getting some counseling. Have fun finding time to spend with your kid when he doesn't even live in the same house or the same country as you do.
The baby is a little person, not your possession. You make comments like: "I let him hold the baby....and then I took him back to see how he (grandfather) would react..." and..."They took THE BOY right out of my arms..." You constantly refer to the child as "the boy" and as being "mine." It's all an ownership test to you, and it's ridiculous and damaging. You are a father, not a contestant in a "who can possess the kid the most?" contest.
As so many others have told you over and over again, you need help. Unfortunately, in order to receive help, one must acknowledge the need for it, and you're not buying that.
So just keep on arguing, flaring your temper and wasting your energy. (How did that walk home work out for you? You really showed her, didn't you?)
But perhaps you can try to occasionally remember and repeat for your son's sake: "[the baby's name] is a person, not my possession."
I wish the best for this child.
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I don't know how your wife stands having two babies in the house at once.