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So last week all of my wife's family saw the baby MANY times on different days while i was at work. I have no problem with that. On Friday my wife took the baby to her parents from about 2pm to 6pm. Fine. Not jealous, happy she has help, blah blah blah. Now I told her earlier in the week that I wanted to have time with the baby over the weekend. I have noticed that when I spent a few days straight with him, he really responds to me in a different way, he is more receptive to me and smiles and all that, but only after I spend a BLOCK of time with him.
So I told the Mrs. that since everyone saw him during the week, I wanted to spend the ENTIRE weekend with him. Just me her and him for some family bonding time.
Well, her parents were going away on saturday night and guess what my wife did on friday night? Told them she would bring him by AGAIN the next day, going directly against what I told her I would like to happen. Now I can be flexible and have, but why cant she? We had a blow up about it and she said "I dont see what the big deal is. its only for a half hour (it wasnt, she kept him there for an hour). in my opinion, she's too close to them, so close that my desires get pushed to the wayside. I always am made to feel like the bad guy because I want rules and structure and time with my son. If she could she would take him over there every day of the week and take me along with her! As it was, before he was born, years ago, she made me attend EVERY FAMILY FUNCTION! And when we moved to his country, her home country, i agreed to live with her parents until we got approved for a mortgage. Now we are taking the baby back to visit my family, AND SHE DOESNT EVEN WANT TO STAY WITH MY SISTER! Imagine how I feel? And after our big argument (i told her to pull the car over while she was driving and walked home) she drove RIGHT to her parents house, and stayed there for an hour, knowing that I wanted to spend the weekend with my son. This is the woman who made me take ALL the baby pics off my facebook because "it made her feel uncomfortable" even though only my close friends and family could see them.
Am I wrong to feel this way? I feel like I am not being respected. I dont care WHO sees my son, but when I want to see him, after working a long week only to come home on friday and notice he barely recognizes me, I WANT TO SEE HIM!
I recommend you have a one-on-one conversation with your spouse of what is bothering you. One important aspect is that maybe she doesn't realize her nuclear family has shifted to you and your son, not her parents (as much as she may love them). Therefore she should probably deliver a bit more respect and consideration about what the 3 of you want to do and not what her parents want. You mentioned that she's from another country...where? I can tell you from personal experience that hispanic and indian backgrounds family is everything. I'm not saying that in USA family is not important but people are less hessitant to move away from home and go elsewhere.
Bottomline..I would say talk to your wife about what's important for the both of you so that you can be together in the parenting journey. Good luck.
So last week all of my wife's family saw the baby MANY times on different days while i was at work. I have no problem with that. On Friday my wife took the baby to her parents from about 2pm to 6pm. Fine. Not jealous, happy she has help, blah blah blah. Now I told her earlier in the week that I wanted to have time with the baby over the weekend. I have noticed that when I spent a few days straight with him, he really responds to me in a different way, he is more receptive to me and smiles and all that, but only after I spend a BLOCK of time with him.
So I told the Mrs. that since everyone saw him during the week, I wanted to spend the ENTIRE weekend with him. Just me her and him for some family bonding time.
Well, her parents were going away on saturday night and guess what my wife did on friday night? Told them she would bring him by AGAIN the next day, going directly against what I told her I would like to happen. Now I can be flexible and have, but why cant she? We had a blow up about it and she said "I dont see what the big deal is. its only for a half hour (it wasnt, she kept him there for an hour). in my opinion, she's too close to them, so close that my desires get pushed to the wayside. I always am made to feel like the bad guy because I want rules and structure and time with my son. If she could she would take him over there every day of the week and take me along with her! As it was, before he was born, years ago, she made me attend EVERY FAMILY FUNCTION! And when we moved to his country, her home country, i agreed to live with her parents until we got approved for a mortgage. Now we are taking the baby back to visit my family, AND SHE DOESNT EVEN WANT TO STAY WITH MY SISTER! Imagine how I feel? And after our big argument (i told her to pull the car over while she was driving and walked home) she drove RIGHT to her parents house, and stayed there for an hour, knowing that I wanted to spend the weekend with my son. This is the woman who made me take ALL the baby pics off my facebook because "it made her feel uncomfortable" even though only my close friends and family could see them.
Am I wrong to feel this way? I feel like I am not being respected. I dont care WHO sees my son, but when I want to see him, after working a long week only to come home on friday and notice he barely recognizes me, I WANT TO SEE HIM!
Home from work. Spoke to the Mrs. She said that when I DONT want to spend time with the inlaws to let her know. I told her thats not the issue, the issue is respecting my feelings. She said she didnt think it was a big deal, but will consider my feelings in the future. I am so glad that we have a FRIENDSHIP AS WELL as a MARRIAGE.
We havent yet faced a mountain we couldnt scale.
Thank you all (who gave positive advice) for your advice.
Off to play with my son who is right next to me in his jumper.
once again, you and your wife are on different pages. Get counseling. I don't think you are being unreasonable, but there is nothing else anyone on here can say or do to help you. You and your wife need to help yourselves.
once again, you and your wife are on different pages. Get counseling. I don't think you are being unreasonable, but there is nothing else anyone on here can say or do to help you. You and your wife need to help yourselves.
see my comment above yours. we talked and are cool for now. we have a friendship as well so that helps us communicate when things get difficult.
The baby is a little person, not your possession. You make comments like: "I let him hold the baby....and then I took him back to see how he (grandfather) would react..." and..."They took THE BOY right out of my arms..." You constantly refer to the child as "the boy" and as being "mine." It's all an ownership test to you, and it's ridiculous and damaging. You are a father, not a contestant in a "who can possess the kid the most?" contest.
As so many others have told you over and over again, you need help. Unfortunately, in order to receive help, one must acknowledge the need for it, and you're not buying that.
So just keep on arguing, flaring your temper and wasting your energy. (How did that walk home work out for you? You really showed her, didn't you?)
But perhaps you can try to occasionally remember and repeat for your son's sake: "[the baby's name] is a person, not my possession."
I wish the best for this child.
parts like "you need help and you wont acknowledge it" is utter garbage. One of the first things I said to my wife when I got in the door is "i think more counseling is in order," so your take is nonsense.
FYI my wife behaved in a childish fashion as well. but thats neither here nor there.
What is important is how stupid and judgemental people are. How they jump to conclusions and seek to lecture and debase people all so they can feel better about themselves.
This isnt about my child being a possession this is about my wife respecting my wishes. Other posters here have said as much as she is childish.
Shameful and to be honest, i dont really concern myself with it too much.
now is all we have. tomorrow is promised to no one. Whos to say any of us will wake up tomorrow.
You know, your moods change so quickly from violent to passive then back to violent that you kind of seem like a fast-cycle bipolar. Have you been tested?
Until next week. When there will be a whole new post consisting of words in all capital letters and exclamation points saying yet again, that there has been a conflict with wife or inlaws over the baby. WHAT WILL HE DO??????
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