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Old 11-01-2010, 08:26 AM
 
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Default non custodial parents- pick up from school

My attorney is out today but I will be calling him tomorrow. Was wondering if any of you know/have experience with this- Is it ok for the non custodial parent to send someone else to pick up your children from school?

I know if I did not let the kid's father pick them up from school for any reason that I would be in contempt. However, he is now working on Friday nights until 7:30pm and states that he will just send one of his family members or friends to pick them up."Whoever has time" is what he said.

This makes me terribly uncomfortable- do I have to go along with this???

I know I have no say in what he does with them once he picks them up- but do I have the right to say HE needs to pick them up- not anyone else??
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Old 11-01-2010, 08:37 AM
 
9,798 posts, read 10,227,781 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NOEM1226 View Post
My attorney is out today but I will be calling him tomorrow. Was wondering if any of you know/have experience with this- Is it ok for the non custodial parent to send someone else to pick up your children from school?

I know if I did not let the kid's father pick them up from school for any reason that I would be in contempt. However, he is now working on Friday nights until 7:30pm and states that he will just send one of his family members or friends to pick them up."Whoever has time" is what he said.

This makes me terribly uncomfortable- do I have to go along with this???

I know I have no say in what he does with them once he picks them up- but do I have the right to say HE needs to pick them up- not anyone else??
Do you have reason to believe he will send someone who will harm your child or are you just being oppositional because he is the ex?

Many parents have occasional conflicts with school pick up and need to enlist the help of a friend or family member. That can be true whether the parents are married or not, custodial or not. If your ex has a friend or family member that you think is harmful to your child then you may be able to take some sort of action to prevent them from picking up your child but if you are just trying to be a PITA because you hate him I would take the high road and let him manage his relationship with your child.

Do you ever anticipate needing a friend or family member to help you out with school pick up?
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Old 11-01-2010, 08:38 AM
 
Location: Wallis and Futuna
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It sounds more like a matter you need to check with the school on, than your attorney. The school might have specific policies about this. I know of some schools that require the custodial parent to provide a list, and the school is not allowed to release the child to anyone who isn't on the list, period. If someone not on that list shows up, the child is provided a comfortable seat in the office, and the custodial parent is contacted. If the custodial parent can't be contacted, they go down that list until they get in touch with someone.

I don't think it's up to your ex to let "whoever's available" to pick up your child, unless the child's school doesn't have a specific policy.
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Old 11-01-2010, 08:39 AM
 
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Legally, I can't say. But if it makes you that uncomfortable why don't you just take the child/ren from school to his home? If these are young children (elementary age) , I know in our school district only people on the emergency cards are allowed to pick up the kids from school.
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Old 11-01-2010, 08:56 AM
 
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Not just trying to be a PITA. If it were certain people I would be ok with it (grandma&or other family) & other people he associates with such as his 30+ year old pot smoking friends or flavor of the month- then no. He is not presenting the idea of "I am going to find someone to pick them up on a regular basis each Friday"- it's more along the lines of "I'm sure I can find someone"The problem is I won't know WHO is picking them up and he insists it is not my business as long as he sends someone.
Momma Bear- Yes, I understand that sometimes things come up that require the help of family friends, however I would not permantly change my workshifts in such a manner that it require help from family or friends EVERY SINGLE TIME my visitation with the kids rolled around I work full time and have only been unable to pick my kids 2 times in the course of 6 years and I am in charge of pick up 95% of the time. He only needs to make arrangements the other 5%.

I did make a list at the school and it would be a good idea to call them so I will do so. I will also ask him if he will be okay with me picking them up& keeping them until he gets off work. The idea of me taking them to his house is a good one, but unless he has someone there to watch them- they would be alone from 3-7:30 pm.
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Old 11-01-2010, 09:06 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NOEM1226 View Post
Not just trying to be a PITA. If it were certain people I would be ok with it (grandma&or other family) & other people he associates with such as his 30+ year old pot smoking friends or flavor of the month- then no. He is not presenting the idea of "I am going to find someone to pick them up on a regular basis each Friday"- it's more along the lines of "I'm sure I can find someone"The problem is I won't know WHO is picking them up and he insists it is not my business as long as he sends someone.
Momma Bear- Yes, I understand that sometimes things come up that require the help of family friends, however I would not permantly change my workshifts in such a manner that it require help from family or friends EVERY SINGLE TIME my visitation with the kids rolled around I work full time and have only been unable to pick my kids 2 times in the course of 6 years and I am in charge of pick up 95% of the time. He only needs to make arrangements the other 5%.

I did make a list at the school and it would be a good idea to call them so I will do so. I will also ask him if he will be okay with me picking them up& keeping them until he gets off work. The idea of me taking them to his house is a good one, but unless he has someone there to watch them- they would be alone from 3-7:30 pm.
I am really glad to hear that you have an actual issue (pot smoking friends should be out) and are not trying to be difficult just for the sake of it. The kids always lose when that happens. He might appreciate your help in the afternoon. If he has to work he has to work. People's work situations can be tenuous and many people are not willing to put their jobs at risk these days. Jobs are not that easy to replace right now.
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Old 11-01-2010, 10:35 AM
 
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Unless it is spelled out specifically in your divorce decree otherwise, then he can legally send anyone he wants to pick up your child if he is already allowed to pick them up himself. Even if you tell the school otherwise, all he has to do is produce the decree to the school that shows he is the one scheduled to pick up and gives permission for someone else to do so.

I am not a lawyer, but dealt with this from the other side-being the child care center where one parent tried to prevent the other from getting someone else to pick up - and got advisement straight from the judge presiding over this case....in writing no less!

Also, you may want to be careful because the dad can turn this around on you and demand that no one else be allowed to pick up your child except you on your time as well.
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Old 11-01-2010, 10:48 AM
 
Location: beautiful NC mountains!
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I cannot imagine a school that would let just anyone pick your child up. I would let the ex know that only those people on the "list" are allowed to pick up your child. I would let the school know that only those on the list may pick up your child. I would ask the ex to please not send someone that you do not know to pick up your child. I would say something along the lines of family members are fine but you would prefer friends not be sent unless it is someone that you approve of. Be specific..."due to the fact that I know Joe smokes pot, I would prefer he not drive the children" Something like that. See if he will agree without lawyers involved. Hopefully he will have a moment of clarity and realize that it is not safe to send just any ole person to pick up your most precious cargo.

Good luck. I have had this issue in the past with my ex. I did have to go the legal route to keep one of the drug buddies from driving with my children. Amazingly this person refused to drive my children when the threat of a drug test was mentioned. I hope for your sake that it doesn't get this far.
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Old 11-01-2010, 10:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by skahar View Post
Legally, I can't say. But if it makes you that uncomfortable why don't you just take the child/ren from school to his home? If these are young children (elementary age) , I know in our school district only people on the emergency cards are allowed to pick up the kids from school.
Same here. But I don't see how they can apply the policy when the kids all come out at the same time and NO ONE is checking to see who is picking the kids up, if anyone.
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Old 11-01-2010, 11:46 AM
 
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I would guess that if the school has no policy on who children are 'released' to, and there's nothing in writing regarding this, then it's his time, his decision. I would also guess you could raise the issue of pot smoking friends which may lead to getting something in writing (although it would be best to take the issue to him first).

I can understand your concern in not having the comfort of knowing the solid plans regarding your kids being collected. It might not be a bad idea to rearrange things so that his time starts after 7.30pm on Friday (if the kids are going to be hanging out with 'whoever' until then on a regular basis...)
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