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Old 11-09-2010, 07:44 PM
 
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I have a half brother, but he's 10 years older than I am but I didn't see him very much growing so I was basically an only child. I hated not having a sibling to play and hang out with, all of my friends had brothers and sisters which often times made me jealous of my friends. I've decided that I want my kids to have siblings and not be an only child with no one to play with.

I've told my mom that I'd like to have 4 children and she looked at me completely surprised saying that four was too many. I guess it's because she only had one child, which is me. But personally, I think 4 kids, two boys and two girls is perfect for a family. When I was younger though, I only wanted one or two, but then as I got older, my preference increased to 3 children and now just recently, 4. I would also like to have them close together in age as well, because it seems that siblings who are close together in age get along better than those spaced further apart. I am a family-oriented kind of a person, I like kids, and I want a large family. I know several large families and they're all very happy, but there are times when a couple of the children pick on one another, but it happens of course. But of course, my future wife's decision will be important too, so I'll have to find a woman that wants a lot of children. Among my classmates and friends, I would say, most want around 3 or 4 children.



What do you think?

Last edited by 90sman; 11-09-2010 at 08:08 PM..
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Old 11-09-2010, 07:53 PM
 
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You'll rethink that after you have one, and realize how much it takes to support them. Give it a year or two after the first one, and then decide how many more you want. I think your wife will be the ultimate decision maker on this topic anyway.

Besides you're only 17, so she was probably looking at you like that because you're to young to have (or be thinking about having) any children right now.
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Old 11-09-2010, 08:00 PM
 
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Seeing as you're unlikely to have four all at once, why don't you go ahead and have one for starters and then see how that goes.

If you still want three more, well more power to ya. Of course your wife might have something to say about it - especially 4 young children close in age.

Here are the possible outcomes of the gender of your kids, in possible order:

BBBB BBBG BBGB BBGG BGBB BGBG BGGB BGGG GBBB GBBG GBGB GBGG
GGBB GGBG GGGB GGGG

So you have a 37.5% chance of having 2 of each.
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Old 11-09-2010, 08:00 PM
 
Location: somewhere
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Once you get married, then you can decide how many would be feasable for you and your wife. FWIW, I personally don't think 4 is to many but then again I have 5, so maybe I am alittle biased about larger families.
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Old 11-09-2010, 08:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ajzjmsmom View Post
Once you get married, then you can decide how many would be feasable for you and your wife. FWIW, I personally don't think 4 is to many but then again I have 5, so maybe I am alittle biased about larger families.
Yes, of course, my wife's decision is important too. I will try to find a woman that wants a large family too.
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Old 11-09-2010, 08:10 PM
 
Location: here
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4 is too many for me. I know people who have 4. They manage. I have 2, 2 years apart. Some things to think about - if you want them close together, any more than 2 in day care at the same time, and you might as well just stay home. Child care is just the beginning of the expenses. a family of 4 fits nicely in one hotel room. Preschool, sports, dance lessons, whatever x4, 4 weddings, 4 in college, a bigger car that will fit 4 car seats. The more kids you have, the fewer activities each one will have time for. How do you manage 4 soccer games in one Saturday? Have 2, then decide if you really want more.
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Old 11-09-2010, 08:35 PM
 
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I'm still debating if I'm having a 2nd one! the first one is a handful as it is. Everyone is different...so more power to you! If you are set in having a big family you need to make those desires known to your other half so that they are on the same page with you.
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:02 PM
 
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Let's hope you make a whole lot of money! Four kids sounds nice, lovey, and fun but, in the real world? It's not that easy. Day care for ONE child can run $1,000/month. And they "might" give a small discount for a second child. Oh, and let's not forget about diapers. Could be $100s a month in diapers alone. Food, formula, clothing, shoes, doctors, medicine, etc.....

Good luck to ya!
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:16 PM
 
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Well first of all let's hope you can even have kids, and then let's hope your wife can have kids.

How many kids is too many depends entirely on each family's situation. My parents had 6 which was way too much, but 1 would have been too much for them. I've had friends who are also from large families and things were entirely different.

What matters is that you are able to give each of your children everything they need, both financially and emotionally. Love isn't enough, they also need a roof over their head and a meal in their stomach. And they need to know that mom and dad always has time for them when they need it. If your life turns out in a way that you just can't provide for more than 1 or 2 kids then that's the way it is. Your life won't be any less fulfilled if you have less children than you think you want.

Practically speaking, having 4 kids is a lot of work and makes things like owning a car, a home, going out to eat and going on vacation more difficult. You need a bigger car and a bigger home and you may find it impossible at times to go to certain places. Just cooking a meal can be a problem!

I'd recommend keeping a very open mind about what you want in life and see where things go. Anything can change in a year or two.
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:48 PM
 
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No need to worry about it now. Have one, then have two if you want and can afford it, and so on. Unless you already have three kids and are thinking about adding a fourth now it's rather a moot point. But don't count on the even girl/boy split, unless you're adopting!

As far as the spacing, people always seem to have strong opinions on that, but I don't think there's any right or wrong spacing. In my family we're all spaced four years apart and got along just fine. I know other people much closer in age who rarely talk to their siblings. You can't really control that. Besides, if you're talking about a large family, there's also so many things in there that can throw off any desired spacing, anyway. With kids you can never just expect things to go along exactly as planned. I know someone who used to say (even while pregnant with her first) that she wanted lots of kids -- I think the number was something like five or six. That has since changed. Meanwhile, I'm sure there are plenty of other people who thought they'd just have one or two but now have four or more. You've just got to go with the flow.
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