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I just realized you are the OP. Everything seems financial here. If you want your step kids to hate you, go for it. Push the issue. Because at some point if you push him out of the picture they will, then you have a a bigger problem both emotionally AND financial.
Complete BS. I do well enough, I don't need the man's money. Stepkids hate me? I'm the one that's raised them, the ones that's been there, and the one man that's been consistent. The bio dad? False promises, will promise to show up at the kid's basketball game, go an entire year without darkening the door, miss birthdays. Want me to go on? Believe it or not, some things in life should have some sort of principle. And to me, being there for your kids is one of those things. FWIW, why not put his support into a college/trust fund for his boys? Just to show that I don't give a rat's a** about his money, just that I think he should do the right thing. If my wife and I divorced tonight, trust me, I would do everything in my power to provide for my daughter.
Your condemnation of me and support of this cretin is disgusting.
And every situation is different. My friend's ex-husband was a Class A controlling jerk. Forbid her to hang out with me when I got divorced, wouldn't drive the kids to a birthday party or dance lessons because the "household" chores were hers, was stingy with his money while they were married--she had to literally go over the grocery-store receipt with him when she got back from food shopping. Had to ask him if she wanted five bucks for nail polish. But that man has paid his child support like clockwork ever since they got divorced. Of course, his need for rules meant that there was no room for change in the visitation schedule, either, but now that the girls are teenagers, they are working it out with him based on their social lives and school events.
Complete BS. I do well enough, I don't need the man's money. Stepkids hate me? I'm the one that's raised them, the ones that's been there, and the one man that's been consistent. The bio dad? False promises, will promise to show up at the kid's basketball game, go an entire year without darkening the door, miss birthdays. Want me to go on? Believe it or not, some things in life should have some sort of principle. And to me, being there for your kids is one of those things. FWIW, why not put his support into a college/trust fund for his boys? Just to show that I don't give a rat's a** about his money, just that I think he should do the right thing. If my wife and I divorced tonight, trust me, I would do everything in my power to provide for my daughter.
Your condemnation of me and support of this cretin is disgusting.
Look, if you push him away for what would appear to them as financial reasons they will turn on you in a heartbeat more often then not.
How is he a cretin? Exactly how? Does he leave them unattended in the snow? Does he take them to sleazy bars? You've never made that clear. Does he buy them cheap gin? Cigarettes? what exactly does he do that endangers the kids? Why is he now back in their lives? Why? Did he just now grow / clean / sober up? Everything you have posted has to do with CS and visitation so excuse me if I took it that way.
Complete BS. I do well enough, I don't need the man's money. Stepkids hate me? I'm the one that's raised them, the ones that's been there, and the one man that's been consistent. The bio dad? False promises, will promise to show up at the kid's basketball game, go an entire year without darkening the door, miss birthdays. Want me to go on? Believe it or not, some things in life should have some sort of principle. And to me, being there for your kids is one of those things. FWIW, why not put his support into a college/trust fund for his boys? Just to show that I don't give a rat's a** about his money, just that I think he should do the right thing. If my wife and I divorced tonight, trust me, I would do everything in my power to provide for my daughter.
Your condemnation of me and support of this cretin is disgusting.
Trust me, the kids would choose him over you. Not because you are a bad guy and he is a good guy. He is just the guy they longed for. It's crushingly sad actually
I grew up without a father.
When my son's father and I seperated (evenutally divorced) he has consistantly, chronically been behind on support. I feel that my son doesn't need to know support details and I kept it from him. Then one day my son heard from a girl at school that his father was in jail for non-support. My son was crushed, angry and confused. He told me he hated me, even though I did nothing wrong. Ex didn't show up to court, that is not my fault.
Even after all of that, I never interfered in my son and his father's relationship.
My son had his wake up call with his father about a year ago. I stayed out of the drama. Son know who his father is, knows the bad choices his father has made and chooses to limit his contact with his father. This is my son;s choice from the actions his father did. One of thise actions was his failure to support son. I did not advertise that ex did not pay, but I refuse to lie to my 16 yo son when he asks me a direct question. I answer in facts only, I keep my opinions and emotions out of the convo.
During the time my ex had regular visitation, there were times he made questionable choices in reguards to care/safety. I reacted to those actions only and I kept my emotions out (as best I could... once he let my son (12yo at the time) being a loaded .44 home). For get my ex's rights... my son has a right to know his father.... and love him, even if I can't stand the sight of him.
As for the OP. Seperate the financial from the emotional. It is hard and there will be times when you will feel frantic and homicidal, but for the kids, a true parent will suck up their own pain so that their kids will have the emotional security they deserve.
You don't have a clue what you are talking about or what I have been through. None. I can assure you, it was much worse than a pair of shoes.
It still does not make any sense to complain to children and tell them not only does your father not care to see you, but he doesn't care if you eat either.
I never said I complain to my children about their father. I don't have to complain to my children. When he calls them he tells them, "Tell your mother I will send her CS next week/month/whatever" Whenever he thinks he can do it..then he don't do it. HE chooses to use them as a messaging service instead of communicating with me directly. As a result, they know ALL our business. I call him directly when I need to talk to him about something..I do NOT tell the children. OTOH when they ask me questions about him (they are 17 and 13) I preface any answer I have with, Are you sure you want to know my opinion? When they say yes/no then we proceed with the honest answer. I figure as teens they can either take or leave my input. They have seen him enough to form their own opinions of him, believe me. His actions speak increadibly louder than his words.
I never said I complain to my children about their father. I don't have to complain to my children. When he calls them he tells them, "Tell your mother I will send her CS next week/month/whatever" Whenever he thinks he can do it..then he don't do it. HE chooses to use them as a messaging service instead of communicating with me directly. As a result, they know ALL our business. I call him directly when I need to talk to him about something..I do NOT tell the children. OTOH when they ask me questions about him (they are 17 and 13) I preface any answer I have with, Are you sure you want to know my opinion? When they say yes/no then we proceed with the honest answer. I figure as teens they can either take or leave my input. They have seen him enough to form their own opinions of him, believe me. His actions speak increadibly louder than his words.
Didn't you say one of your children lived with their father? If that is the case why is CS even an issue or whether or not he is a good father? He must be okay if he has custody of at least one of them.
Didn't you say one of your children lived with their father? If that is the case why is CS even an issue or whether or not he is a good father? He must be okay if he has custody of at least one of them.
The questions they have always asked are things like,
"Why don't Dad come to visit us when he drives down the highway right by our house?" Currently my younger one that I have custody of KNOWS for a fact that he comes through Tulsa which is 20 minutes away on a regular basis. He is a Over the Road Trucker. All he has to do is call me when he is on the East side of Tulsa or in Catoosa, tell me to meet him at the truck stop on the West side of Tulsa. I will have her there. He can't seem to even do that much to be with her. He wants her to come see him for Thanksgiving which is fine with me. Our current CO says he has to provide transportation. He won't want do do it and I don't have the funds to meet him 1/2 way. I don't know if she will get to go or not.
I never said he was a bad person. My oldest daughter CHOSE to go live with him and his GF when she was 16. I didn't fight it, she has to figure out how he is, how he lives, and what he is like for herself. At 16 she is close enough to grown to be able to feed herself if he don't cook, old enough and knows how to do her own laundry and care for herself.
The CS is an issue because I still receive CS for one of them. His idea was I keep one, he keeps the other, no CS is exchanged... Not so much.
His problem is he wants to go to court and then don't show up. He asks for an update of the order, then no shows. When that happens the Judge looks at the other person who is there and says "What do you want done?" I felt like I was being quite generous when I reduced it by 1/2. Of course, he didn't, but he didn't care enough to show up for the court date either. We have a 17 yr old and a 13 yr old. So the oldest one will be 18 in a year. Then I will have the only child eligible for CS. I told the Judge and my ex-husband I do not want to have to come back to court again, Then the Court Order will just expire.
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