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Me and my husband are thinking about a child, but we are not too sure yet. I just wanted to know what really changes when you have a child? Me and my husband like spending time with each other and stuff, and we are wondering can parents tell us what changes? THANKS.
EVERYTHING. Just about everything changes with children. I have 4 children and love them to pieces. I can just barely remember in the deep recesses of my mind what it was like pre-child. Your body changes with and after pregnancy. You get less sleep. You are in charge of another human being that is completely helpless. They need everything from you. Children bring so much joy, love, and fulfillment though. Everything you do you will have to take into account your baby, whether it is going to the grocery store or out to eat, taking a vacation, working, being outdoors, taking a nap, you name it. My sister chose to never have children. It was a good choice for her as she does not like to have any restrictions in her life and likes to travel a lot with her husband. I always wanted children and cannot imagine my life without them, but they do change everything.
hi lastra
children are wonderful. They really keep your life busy, hectic, add lots of worry and grey hair.
When we had our first son, yes, things did change. For one, he had to do something around the house, had to do grocery shopping etc. I wasnt there to do as much as I used to.
It was a huge adjustment mainly for dh. He was used to being the center of my attention for 15 years, we worked together also, traveled together etc.
Now here comes this little guy who is totally dependent on us for everything.
He will say now the boys are the best thing that happened to him. If you are selfish, dont have children. If you love the carefree life, dont have children.
If you have enough love, patience, kindness, caring, in your hearts ; pass it along to children.
Location: Phoenix...until next week, then Maryland...tick tock tick tock
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Yes, everything changes...but that is not necessarily a bad thing.
I did not like children & had pretty much decided I didn't want any when I got pregnant...& I would not change it. My son is the light of my universe.
brokencrayola is correct.
*Sleeping in will likely become a thing of the past...but they do take naps, so you can make up for it then.
*They are totally helpless & you must be constantly aware of them. It is not as hard as it sounds, it's just a perception adjustment that is not particularly difficult to make.
*You will need a pack-mule or something similar whenever you go out for any period of time. Diapers, food, toys, change of clothes, bags to store dirty diapers, wipes, etc. My BF & I still go out to eat occasionally, but don't see movies out together anymore. Some activities are baby friendly, some aren't.
*The things you watch & listen to will come under greater scrutiny...i.e. is this appropriate for your child to be watching/listening to? I always swore that I'd never change that stuff when I became a parent...but despite my efforts, I have...
*Something else, that I have just recently noticed (my son is only 17 months) is that any friends you have who are not parents may not be as friendly to you after you have kids...it's not that they don't care, don't get me wrong, it's just that you will be in a different world than they are & will have much less in common that you used to. Your focus will change to being a parent & all the stuff that goes along with it.
*You will learn things about yourself you didn't know, & you will go through things you never thought you would. For example, I never realized that I'd be holding my son over the bathroom sink trying to wash dog po op out of his mouth (see the "kids will be kids" thread...).
All in all, my son has been a wonderful experience that I wouldn't trade for anything...& this is coming from someone who has never been a kid person...ever.
Keep in mind that you will never be "ready" for a baby. My advice would be simply to make sure that you guys are strong as a couple, & you have discussed some basics about how you want to raise your child...ideas about discipline, religion, circumcision (if you have a boy...apparently people argue over this...) etc.
also try to make sure when you have a child that you dont boss your dh around into doing things your way. Remember, every single person has their own way of doing things. His way may not be right for you, but its right for him. I have seen so many couples argue over putting on a diaper, feeding the baby etc.
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Thank you for all of your responses. They have been really helpful. If you don't mind, besides a lots of diapers, and bottles etc., what do else from some "baby equipment" do you need to welcome your first child, or what "tools" did you find useful?
Location: Phoenix...until next week, then Maryland...tick tock tick tock
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*Diaper Genie (or some sort of low-stink pail)
*baby swing is a must (papasan swings are really nice)
*a pack 'n' play (basically a glorified playpen, but it is a great travel bed)
*a jumperoo for when they get to be around 4-6 months...keeps them in one place & they have fun jumping around.
*a little dishwasher basket to hold bottle parts & other small baby tools that will need to be washed...a lot.
*some kind of baby carrier/sling...even 8lbs of newborn gets heavy after a while.
*Baby Einstein. I don't promote TV babysitting, but sometimes you just need to keep them occupied for just a little bit...& my son is just riveted by Baby Einstein for some reason. They're basically classical music & puppets teaching them basic words & signs. I would suggest starting with Baby Mozart. It's just Mozart's music playing with cool images of toys.
*when you pick out a car seat (or if you get a car seat/stroller combo...i.e. "travel system") make sure the straps aren't annoying to buckle (mine was) & make sure that the handle on the seat is comfortable for you to carry. They come in lots of different shapes now, & some of them were just tremendously uncomfortable for me to carry. I liked to hook the handle over my arm & carry the seat that way. Try them out in the store & make sure you like them before you spend a lot on something that bugs you.
*if you plan to breastfeed, get a good quality breast pump, particularly if you will be going to work while you're still breastfeeding. I had cheapie breast pumps & went through about 4 of them before I finally sprung for a good one. I recommend the Medela Pump In Style. Very quiet, & much faster/more efficient than the cheapies.
That's about all I can think of off the top of my head...
Thanks for all your advice. I just hope that we'll have a normal life with the kid, that we won't argue like some couples do, like who is going to change the diapers, when are we gonna go out etc.
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Your body changes with and after pregnancy. You get less sleep. You are in charge of another human being that is completely helpless. They need everything from you. Children bring so much joy, love, and fulfillment though. Everything you do you will have to take into account your baby, whether it is going to the grocery store or out to eat, taking a vacation, working, being outdoors, taking a nap, you name it. My sister chose to never have children. It was a good choice for her as she does not like to have any restrictions in her life and likes to travel a lot with her husband. I always wanted children and cannot imagine my life without them, but they do change everything.
(see the "kids will be kids" thread...
).
