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Old 07-10-2007, 08:54 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,508 posts, read 4,302,506 times
Reputation: 1394

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It's tough. Both sides.
This is all : IMO
From personal experience, I cringe every time I hear someone say "Ohhh You Don't Work?" I want to choke them with my calloused hands.
Then I want to take my extensive "To-Do & Be-Done" list (carved in granite) and bang them over the head with it. LOL J/K
But every time I complain to a friend about the lack of respect for my position in the family, all she ever replies with is "Go out & get a job".

However, by doing so, I would be solving one problem by creating another or doing the proverbial "cut off your nose to spite your face". My job is just as important as my spouse's job. Difference being, my paycheck is not on paper and I"M THE BOSS or HRH ..lol
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Old 07-10-2007, 09:13 AM
 
9,125 posts, read 23,755,989 times
Reputation: 3348
We're lucky enough financially that my wife has been able to stay home with our kids for the past 6 years, and I think it really shows in the kids themselves. While there's no universal truth to any of this, I've seen alot of my kids' friends who started daycare fulltime at 3-6 months, and now spend early morning and late afternoon hours in daycare while Mom and Dad go to their jobs in NYC, and IMO, it's not good for the kids. Again, this isn't correct for everyone, and their are some horrible kids who have had SAHM's since birth.

We were at a party this weekend at a friend's house, and the wife has been talking about going back to work. They have a 3 y/o son and twin 1 y/o girls, so I can see why she may want to get away for a sanity break. But, she was talking about taking a job that would require her to leave the house at 6am to catch the train to NYC, and she likely wouldn't get home until 8:30-9:00 (or later if projects needed to get done). The husband, meanwhile, makes more than enough money that she doesn't "have to" work by any stretch, and he's usually out the door by 6:30 and coming in at 6:00 pm at the earliest. So now, he would have to dump the kids off at daycare at 6:00am, which means they'd have to be up by 5am to get ready. He'd be picking them up at 6-7pm, taking them home, feeding them, bathing them, and getting them to bed sometime around 8-9pm, and "maybe" Mom would see them before they feel asleep.

Now, by no stretch of the imagination am I a "keep 'em barefoot and pregnant" kinda guy (my wife will be going to work part-time when both of our girls are in school all day), but how in the world can that situation be healthy for the kids or the parents??? I can possibly understand it if they needed the second income to make ends meet, but why do it otherwise?? If anything, take a part-time job to keep her skills up to date, make a few bucks, and get a break from being "Mommy", but why put the kids or yourself through the trauma otherwise?

Bob
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Old 07-10-2007, 09:23 AM
 
3,079 posts, read 7,157,081 times
Reputation: 1001
Try going from homeschooling to public schooling! Talk about judgement!


Dawn
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Old 07-10-2007, 09:57 AM
 
5,421 posts, read 11,988,488 times
Reputation: 3414
The ongoing battle: the point in all this should be that no person should ever judge another persons's choices simply because it does not concern them. And there are lots of people out there that like to pass judgement... and that is just not good.

Most parents do what is right for their kids and their lifestyle. No one really knows what another family's situation and finances are.

I have done both. I prefer working - just because it is a financial buffer for us and it enables us to put $$ into savings - I don't know why that would be considered a bad thing by some folks.

DH works in a field where for the last 10 years it has been constant pressure to outsource his department overseas. And he is getting older (above 40) and those are the people that most corps go after first. So his field has been very precarious. I really could not justify not working.

And yes, I do get the judgemental 'tude from some SAHMs - hate to say it - but mostly the ultra-religious ones.

Best of both worlds is to part-time it. That way you keep your foot in the door career wise and you are getting out in the real world. My advice is to check out "job sharing" opportunities at local firms if you can.
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Old 07-10-2007, 03:22 PM
_yb _yb started this thread
 
Location: Central New Mexico
1,135 posts, read 3,449,019 times
Reputation: 697
Thanks for the comments. I don't know why my wife even lets this sort of thing get to her at all. Women seem to form there little cliques very quick. Like they are defending there territory or something.

The plus is I have been enjoying taking my 6yo daughter to these functions. The kids always seem to have a great time. They are so fun to be around.

Another positive is if something was to ever happen to myself my wife would never miss a beat as far as being self relient.
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Old 07-10-2007, 03:58 PM
 
Location: on an island
13,327 posts, read 30,297,812 times
Reputation: 12689
Quote:
Originally Posted by _yb View Post
. Women seem to form there little cliques very quick. Like they are defending there territory or something.

The plus is I have been enjoying taking my 6yo daughter to these functions. The kids always seem to have a great time. They are so fun to be around.

Another positive is if something was to ever happen to myself my wife would never miss a beat as far as being self relient.
Very good point about your wife being self-reliant. And it is wonderful that your kids have you so much in their lives. Good for you and your wife!

The "territory" thing might be true.
I so wish women would stick together more.
We sisters need to hold together rather than tear each other down.
I remember when I came home with my 2-week old newborn, one woman asked how soon I was going back to work--that was the last thing on my mind. OTOH, in my experience, SAHMs never quite get the respect they deserve.

I agree with gardener, part-time work was the best solution for me--if you can get it.
BobKovacs, I agree that the scenario you described is not exactly flawless.
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Old 07-10-2007, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Phoenix...until next week, then Maryland...tick tock tick tock
169 posts, read 425,809 times
Reputation: 102
When I was younger (& had no clue about anything), I always swore I'd never put my kids in day care. If I couldn't stay at home, I just wouldn't have kids.

Yeah. Right.

Well, reality has come to call. On one hand, I would very much like to be able to stay at home with my son. The control freak in me would be much assuaged by this.

On the other hand, tho, by my ripe old age of 29, I have become rather independent, & don't really want to relinquish all financial control to my BF (in this fantasy we could actually afford to do this...*sigh*). I don't want to have to convince a guy that thinks as long as all organs are covered, then there is no need for new clothing that he should give me some money to go by this dress or that pair of shoes, etc. Likewise, if anything were to happen, I want to know that I can provide for my son.

Day care has not been the evil I had thought it would be when I was young. I'm an only child & was never around children (didn't really like them, either) so I have actually learned a lot from the ladies that take care of my son. My son also enjoys his day care. He gets bored being stuck in our apartment all the time.

I also think that SAH parents often get a raw deal. IMHO, if one parent is going to stay at home, then home is their job. By my definition, that means they take care of the home stuff...cooking, cleaning, child care, etc. & I invite anyone who doesn't think that doing all that is at least a full-time job to go ahead & give it a shot for a couple weeks & then tell me it's not a "real" job...

Really, to me, the choice involved (generally speaking) is whether or not you can stay at home, not whether you can work. Women's Lib has made sure that we can work outside the home, & now most of us have to. I don't have the choice to stay at home, but I don't think that those that are able to are evil or bad. Likewise, I do what I have to do to make sure we can pay our bills, & that doesn't make me evil...that's part of what makes me a responsible parent. I spend what time I have with my son & try to make that time count. It's all I can really do.
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Old 07-11-2007, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Spots Wyoming
18,046 posts, read 23,029,354 times
Reputation: 11132
You just got to be creative. Make them jealous

So Sally, what do you do?

"I am so lucky. I'm an Adolesent Primary Care Specialist. It is so much fun, I get the best of both worlds. I'm able to work out of my home and pursue a career that I really love, plus I get to spend more then an average amount of time with my kids because I'm working out of my home."
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Old 07-11-2007, 10:13 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,508 posts, read 4,302,506 times
Reputation: 1394
Default Ohh thats good !

Quote:
Originally Posted by jgussler View Post
You just got to be creative. Make them jealous

So Sally, what do you do?

"I am so lucky. I'm an Adolesent Primary Care Specialist. It is so much fun, I get the best of both worlds. I'm able to work out of my home and pursue a career that I really love, plus I get to spend more then an average amount of time with my kids because I'm working out of my home."
I like that ! I gave one Mom another reply which i won't post here....Read the Pos. reps from me.
What do other Moms reply? Any other ideas?
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Old 07-11-2007, 06:38 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,508 posts, read 4,302,506 times
Reputation: 1394
Cool Do you work? BITEME!

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewHomeHappy View Post
I like that ! I gave one Mom another reply which i won't post here....Read the Pos. reps from me.
What do other Moms reply? Any other ideas?
Other possible responses. LOL ! You asked....

"I'm on call. Only weekends though, for an Escort Service. It's totally legit"

"I'm a Slum Lord. Donde' esta de la renta por favor?"

"I'm a consultant for a Intimacy Communications Firm, it's all phone work"

"I am the Queen or just HRH for short"
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