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Why does everyone think they have to have children? If it's going to be "hell on earth" for your daughter to be around children for Thanksgiving, she's too selfish to have a child. She should be able to enjoy her young nieces and nephews without being self-absorbed.
Maybe I misread the OP but I took the "hell on earth" to mean that the daughter would be around toddlers and babies and knowing that she is unable to have one in the usual way and would be very difficult for her to handle.
Edited to add: Sorry zona, I think maybe I misread your post.
Why does everyone think they have to have children? If it's going to be "hell on earth" for your daughter to be around children for Thanksgiving, she's too selfish to have a child. She should be able to enjoy her young nieces and nephews without being self-absorbed.
wTH?
She just found out that having a child is going to be a lot harder than she thought and it could take years and lots of money. She wants a baby and, having just found out this news, she is going to have to spend a holiday around a lot of children, to be constantly reminded of something she wants but may not get to have. She'll get over the shock in time, and will figure something out, but for now what is so wrong about her being upset?
Maybe I misread the OP but I took the "hell on earth" to mean that the daughter would be around toddlers and babies and knowing that she is unable to have one in the usual way and would be very difficult for her to handle.
Edited to add: Sorry zona, I think maybe I misread your post.
No. you didn't misread her post. Zona is saying that the daughter should not be selfish think about her own problems and basically suck it up. WHich I don't agree with BTW. It is going to be hard for the OP's daughter to be around kids and rightly so.
Had a cousin who went through this issue as well as a friend. Cousin ended up going the IVF route and succeeded on the second try. The friend's husband just needed to make some adjustments to his lifestyle and underwear choice and they were able to conceive succesfully, twice in fact. I would just let her know that this is in no way a definite impossibility for her to have children. Also, being young and established, they should be able to plan for the expenses and some insurance even covers the treatments. The road may be harder than she expected, but the destination doesn't need to change.
When I was TTC for my first, my husband and I got tested and he was found to have a low sperm count. The doc gave us a 5% chance per month to conceive on our own. He gave us options of IUI (insemination) or IVF if we wanted. We chose to keep trying on our own until a specified date (our 30th birthdays), at which time we would try IUI. If that was unsuccessful, we were going to adopt. We were not going to try IVF. Our feeling was that if we had to save up that kind of money (IVF was not covered by our insurance) then we'd rather use it for the sure thing (adoption). We ended up conceiving naturally after 2 years of trying. When we tried for #2, it only took 4 months!
When I was TTC for my first, my husband and I got tested and he was found to have a low sperm count. The doc gave us a 5% chance per month to conceive on our own. He gave us options of IUI (insemination) or IVF if we wanted. We chose to keep trying on our own until a specified date (our 30th birthdays), at which time we would try IUI. If that was unsuccessful, we were going to adopt. We were not going to try IVF. Our feeling was that if we had to save up that kind of money (IVF was not covered by our insurance) then we'd rather use it for the sure thing (adoption). We ended up conceiving naturally after 2 years of trying. When we tried for #2, it only took 4 months!
I'm glad you shared your story.
The OP's son-in-law might have low, weak sperm, but one day one of those suckers could very well be a strong swimmer when they are least expecting it!
Hmmm...sorry for the news, but this is not the end of the earth, there are lots of options, sometimes things just don't work out the way that you planned. That is disheartening, but not the end of the earth. I had a friend a problem concieving, not exactly sure what the problem was..but they tried for years to get pregnant, and doing all kinds of stuff...finally, she was a wreck, he was a wreck, and their marriage was almost over...they took a break to come visit us, (like that is a break, me with a new baby at the time, and two other small ones!), anyway, she helped me out with the new baby, and the other kids, and they stayed with us for about a week...and guess what...two months later....she was pregnant. So, you never know...this is just the beginning for them, of a detour that they did not expect on this journey, but it is not the end of the road...you never know...
There is a specific procedure that can be done with IVF called ICSI where an individual sperm can be directly injected into an egg to fertilize it. It's expensive but it is still possible to have kids.
Thank you for all of your kind support in these posts. My daughter and son-in-law are seeing a fertility specialist tomorrow and she is also seeing a counselor for her depression. She has always had her heart set on having children - she wanted at least four. Thanksgiving WAS horrible for her, being around all those little ones. She had to escape to the bathroom to cry when unknowing relatives asked when they would be starting a family, offered to lend her maternity and baby stuff, etc. It's been incredibly hard on my son-in-law, too, because it is his fertility situation. I'm trying to get them to spend Christmas with us, where it will be quieter and easier to cheer her up.
The OP's son-in-law might have low, weak sperm, but one day one of those suckers could very well be a strong swimmer when they are least expecting it!
I keep thinking the same thing! My daughter and son-in-law are vegan. Maybe giving those suckers some animal protein would make them stronger.
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