Daughter's problem (babies, fertility, support, toddlers)
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My daughter and son-in-law are in their twenties, and have been married almost two years. They both have good jobs, good insurance, are now reasonably secure financially, and decided to start a family. After almost a year of no success, they were both tested. My daughter is fine, but my son-in-law has the difficulty (low sperm count and some other technical problem - they don't "swim" like they are supposed to). They were given a 1 percent chance of conceiving. They found out the week before Thanksgiving, her dad and I were just told yesterday, and we are all pretty upset.
I'm the kind of person who says never say never, and there's got to be something that can be done - other opinions, sperm donor (she won't consider this), maybe adopt. They are young, and there are lots of avenues to investigate (as well as good old fashioned faith and prayer). Anyone else been in this situation? How did they cope, what did they do, and how did it turn out? Any input would really be appreciated.
Anyway, they will be spending Thanksgiving miles away with my son-in-law's large extended family, with lots of nieces and nephews, new babies, and toddlers running around. It is going to be h*** on earth for my daughter. I wish they could be with us, just me, her dad, sister, uncles, and grandmother for our quiet (childless) Thanksgiving this year, but it couldn't be managed.
I haven't been in that situation, but what about IVF? In-vitro fertilization? Harvesting her egg(s), and his sperm, and combining them.
There are options.
The main thing I would advise here, is to RELAX, and enjoy the holidays: they're young, there are many avenues they can explore. Don't fail to enjoy the present by worrying about the future. I would be as comforting and as cheerful as possible, if I had to, I'd give an Oscar-worthy performance. If you have faith in the future, your daughter and son-in-law will, too.
Sundance presented a good idea. It won't matter if his little swimmers can't go in a straight line. They're young and healthy (from the sounds of it)... there is no reason that IVF wouldn't work.
And, you are right, the holidays are going to be difficult for them. This can be made worse by unthinking family members who don't understand. I don't know how many times I wanted to tell my SIL's that forcing their babies on me when I was dealing with infertility (and they were ooopsing out babies left and right) was not a magic cure.
Have them do some research... it will likely help their spirits to read about the success rates and such associated with the procedure.
My daughter and son-in-law are in their twenties, and have been married almost two years. They both have good jobs, good insurance, are now reasonably secure financially, and decided to start a family. After almost a year of no success, they were both tested. My daughter is fine, but my son-in-law has the difficulty (low sperm count and some other technical problem - they don't "swim" like they are supposed to). They were given a 1 percent chance of conceiving. They found out the week before Thanksgiving, her dad and I were just told yesterday, and we are all pretty upset.
I'm the kind of person who says never say never, and there's got to be something that can be done - other opinions, sperm donor (she won't consider this), maybe adopt. They are young, and there are lots of avenues to investigate (as well as good old fashioned faith and prayer). Anyone else been in this situation? How did they cope, what did they do, and how did it turn out? Any input would really be appreciated.
Anyway, they will be spending Thanksgiving miles away with my son-in-law's large extended family, with lots of nieces and nephews, new babies, and toddlers running around. It is going to be h*** on earth for my daughter. I wish they could be with us, just me, her dad, sister, uncles, and grandmother for our quiet (childless) Thanksgiving this year, but it couldn't be managed.
Why does everyone think they have to have children? If it's going to be "hell on earth" for your daughter to be around children for Thanksgiving, she's too selfish to have a child. She should be able to enjoy her young nieces and nephews without being self-absorbed.
Why does everyone think they have to have children? If it's going to be "hell on earth" for your daughter to be around children for Thanksgiving, she's too selfish to have a child. She should be able to enjoy her young nieces and nephews without being self-absorbed.
Wow..that's pretty harsh...
She is young and they expected to be able to have children. They wanted them. Everyone does not HAVE to have children, but for those who WANT children, the thought that they might not have them can be devastating. They just found out. I doubt it will be "hellish" forever but the news is still fresh and it is a very emotional thing...doesn't mean anyone is "self involved" at all....
We have a brand new grandbaby due to adoption. She has her daddy's hair color and daughter's big feet. She actually looks like daughter did when she was a baby. We DO NOT care how she got here! We'll love her regardless. They had the same problem as OP daughter and SIL. They also tried several different things.
First, support her in everyway you can. Right now she is carrying a whole boat-load of sadness. Thanksgiving is going to very, very hard for her to get through. Tell her that if she needs to get up from the table to give you a call that you are there for her to talk it out. I hope to heaven her husband is the kind who will be there for her 1000%. (How's he handling this?)
ANY chance at all they can change plans? She is going to need time to accept the bad news and the last thing she needs is to be surrounded by babies and toddlers.
The time will come for her to talk about IVF and adoption and all the rest. Right now, she has to grieve through this bad news.
There is sperm retrieval...I have a friend who had this done; he husband had the same issue it sounds like. All is not lost; there is a LOT that can be done, it's just a matter of finding the right physician who is willing to work with her and her husband.
As far as feeling sad; hope cannot be lost in this case. I know someone who is TTC right now and (she's a family member on my husband's side) and we're expecting our child in February....anyway, she's refusing to come to Thanksgiving because "seeing you pregnant is just too much I can't handle it". While I feel badly for her situation (we've struggled with infertility too) and understand the pain, you can't live your life without seeing babies and children. It seems that everywhere I go these days I see a baby bump! In any case, it is a sad situation for her, but it's not a life sentence; there is a lot that can be explored, and before the sadness and despair set in, she and her husband can look into other options! Families are made and created in many different ways.
I'm really sorry for your daughter. It looks like he has a low count and a problem with sperm motility. She will most likely have to do IVF. Good luck.
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