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Old 11-23-2010, 10:46 PM
 
852 posts, read 675,670 times
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My girls are seven and eleven, and they're quite independent. My older daughter in particular wants me to keep my distance when her friends are around, and that's exactly how it should be. I have plenty of interests to keep me busy. My daughter still comes to me for long talks in the evening, and I love it. Every age with my girls so far has been special in its own way, and I don't miss the baby days. This is life! We're supposed to mature and grow and change. If we're doing our jobs right, our children are supposed to want some distance from us in their teen years.
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Old 11-23-2010, 11:11 PM
 
2,421 posts, read 3,067,171 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
My children are grown, and rarely call me.
That sentence made me sad. Even grown, I still called my mom frequently. I hope you'll get to spend some time w/ them over Thanksgiving.
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Old 11-24-2010, 04:17 AM
 
18,870 posts, read 14,426,350 times
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Nope, they are going skiing. I don't worry about it. They are young, going to college, working, dating. I am glad that they are so independent. My kids like to text me, usually a short note every day or so...they are busy. They call occasionally, I am okay with that. It is that age, late teens, early twenties. I would rather have busy children who don't call frequently, than a child who is lonely, or depressed and calls all the time.
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Old 11-24-2010, 04:20 AM
 
139 posts, read 136,204 times
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Good responses so far, I am glad to see it is a positive experience and most parents understand it is part of the growing stages of a childs life.


Keep the posts comming, the responses are great

Last edited by raggy491; 11-24-2010 at 05:12 AM..
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Old 11-24-2010, 04:42 AM
 
Location: Florida
1,074 posts, read 773,476 times
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My kids are not at that age yet; they're 10 and 7. My 10 year old needs me less and less, though, and it is bittersweet! On the one hand, it's so awesome to see him going and doing things that he couldn't a few months ago. And on the other, sometimes it feels like a slap in the face when I realize that he's able to do things that he couldn't just a few months ago!

I feel like I'm getting some practice at teen-rearing, though, because we host foreign exchange students. We're on our second full-year student, and sometimes I feel like she's giving me a run for my money, as far as boy-craziness and dating and wanting to hang out with friends and general teenager lunacy goes. I sometimes tease her and say "well, hopefully I'll be laid back with my own kids after going through a year with you!" (It's all in good fun; I really love her and am so enjoying "parenting" her this year!) I think she's a bit atypical in that she shares a LOT more with me than I did with my own mom, and it's more than I expect that my own kids will share, so who knows, really?
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Old 11-24-2010, 05:01 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 891,021 times
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It is heart-breaking and incredibly wonderful all in one. I never dealt with them shunning me,it always made me so happy that I got a kiss and an I love you every time they left to go somewhere, friends around or not.

I used to cry a lot thinking about them leaving and I admittedly bawled my eyes out when they graduated and when I dropped them off at college. I knew when each of them left that I was not getting them back and it killed me.

But watching them be so independent. So hard working and driven. It was a sight to behold and filled me with pride. They grew up without a Dad and yet are still amazing men. I couldn't ask for better and am eternally in awe of them.

I miss my babies but I love my men, my best friends and the absolute loves of my life. Raising good men was all I ever cared about, they exceeded my expectations tenfold, there is no better feeling in the world.
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Old 11-24-2010, 07:13 AM
 
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 3,064,549 times
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I often wonder how I will handle this. My kids are little (1 is 4 years, 1 is 4 months) and I absolutely love the baby/young child stage. I wonder if it will break my heart when they grow up and don't need me anymore? I just hope I will grow to love each stage as it comes.
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Old 11-24-2010, 07:18 AM
 
26,902 posts, read 19,940,569 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raggy491 View Post
I am just curious, having no experience myself. How do parents feel when they finally realize there cute little child that said and did the cutest things is gone and now they have a pre-teen/teen to deal with.

Is it heart breaking? are there new ways they make you feel good about them? or is the joy of having kids pretty much gone at that point?

I am just curious, I see it all over, parents with little kids that think their moms and dads are heros.

then there are the pre-teens at the mall who walk with there freinds 15 feet in front of their mom to keep seperation from their non cool parent, i often wonder what parents are thinking when their children come to this point in life.
When my daughter was little I was afraid of this--how would I feel about her when she wasn't this cute little baby/toddler anymore?

But each stage is different, and as the child grows and becomes their own person and not just "your baby", you love them more and appreciate them in a different way (or not, as they case may be).

When my daughter was around 12, she went through that stage where I had to drop her off a block away, or couldn't be seen arriving at the same function with her lest her friends see her and realize she had a mother, lol. It is amusing, not a disaster.

My daughter is now 19. I am amazed at the person she has become--far more than I ever dreamed of.

The point of raising a child is to someday let them go, to raise them to be an independent human being who can survive without you if need be. I have my memories and mental images of that baby and that little girl that she once was. They are mine alone--she either doesn't remember them or does not view them in the same way as I do if she does remember.
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Old 11-24-2010, 07:43 AM
 
784 posts, read 1,181,468 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raggy491 View Post
I am just curious, having no experience myself. How do parents feel when they finally realize there cute little child that said and did the cutest things is gone and now they have a pre-teen/teen to deal with.

Is it heart breaking? are there new ways they make you feel good about them? or is the joy of having kids pretty much gone at that point?

I am just curious, I see it all over, parents with little kids that think their moms and dads are heros.

then there are the pre-teens at the mall who walk with there freinds 15 feet in front of their mom to keep seperation from their non cool parent, i often wonder what parents are thinking when their children come to this point in life.
My kids are 16 now, and I've loved having them grow up and become the individuals that they are. I'm not missing little kid stage at all .

Smiled at your last paragraph. When my dd was a preteen and starting to go to the mall with friends, I would go with them and walk about 15 feet behind ...giving them space and privacy to be together and yet supervise what was going on.
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Old 11-24-2010, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
1,022 posts, read 2,169,076 times
Reputation: 677
Right now it's hard for me. My daughter & step daughter are 13 and just don't like me very much sometimes. They want to do be grown up and independent, and don't like consequences for bad grades or broken rules. They just want to be off with their friends or on the phone & computer all the time.

I keep telling myself that this stage will pass (hopefully soon!) and one day they will understand WHY I had the rules and expectations.
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