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Old 11-29-2010, 05:17 PM
 
18,837 posts, read 37,281,021 times
Reputation: 26463

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The daughter needs help too. In establishing healthy boundaries with her family. It is okay to say "No", you don't need to explain anything else. And it is okay to just not answer the phone when they call, just say you were busy doing stuff. And don't mention that you are going fishing, just go alone.
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Old 11-29-2010, 05:35 PM
 
1,054 posts, read 3,853,878 times
Reputation: 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozgal View Post
I'm really sorry you're in this position.

Do you have anyone at all who can assist you? You do need to move away, even to the next town..... would be better.

I have no one else to help me. I live in the next town but its only 20 miles and they demand constant contact and visits or they call the cops to check up on me. They called the cops when I was living out of state. I have no money to move. It cost $5000 to move cross country, pay apartment and utility deposits etc and now I am locked into a lease. I don't make enough through SSD to live in any other place. I live in the cheapest rental I could find. I used all of my 401K to pay off $25,000 worth of medical bills so I have no savings left, no pension.

To answer others' questions I did go to counseling when I was out of state and had insurance. I no longer have insurance and do not qualify for medicare yet as their is a 29 month waiting period. I sought medicaid and was told I don't qualify for that and make just a little too much to qualify for food stamps. When I got a sinus infection last month I couldn't even go to doctor.

I just needed to know I wasn't being unreasonable in not wanting to go places with him like he was my boyfriend because everyone they know says how terrible I am because I won't spend more time with him. I don't see why my not working should cause them to think all my time should be devoted to him after all I'm the one disabled and he does have a wife who is 15 yrs younger than him so she should be going places with him not me. I was just hoping for some bright idea on how to get them to leave me alone more. She originally said he was about to die so I had thought with a little inheritance it would give me enough to move on.
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Old 11-29-2010, 05:43 PM
 
1,054 posts, read 3,853,878 times
Reputation: 845
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aconite View Post
He is creepy. Please don't blame his behavior on undiagnosed Asperger's. Autism is not synonymous with "perv". Even if he had an autism spectrum disorder it would be creepy and inappropriate.
I didn't mean any disrespect to Autistic or Aspergers people. I actually did volunteer work before for the autism society and am very familiar with the whole spectrum of disorders. However I observed many adult males with Aspergers who were indeed sexually inappropriate, not that they molested anyone but they had no understanding that it is not "okay" to stalk ladies they like or blurt out sexual remarks, etc. Its not that they are mean; its that they don't understand appropriate social behavior. His brother has actually been on SSI for autism his entire life and it does look to me that ASD often runs in families just by knowing SO MANY people with multiple ASD kids or couples where one parent and their child both have ASD. My therapist did say he did seem to be on the spectrum.
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Old 11-29-2010, 06:07 PM
 
18,837 posts, read 37,281,021 times
Reputation: 26463
I moved across the country, with less than $500. Got rid of everything I owned, that did not fit in the car. Moved in with some people renting out a room in their house, until I had enough money to get a place. If you want to change your life, you have the power to do so...you also have the power just complain about it, and do nothing.
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Old 11-29-2010, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,469 posts, read 7,181,651 times
Reputation: 3499
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtneer View Post
I have no one else to help me. I live in the next town but its only 20 miles and they demand constant contact and visits or they call the cops to check up on me. They called the cops when I was living out of state. I have no money to move. It cost $5000 to move cross country, pay apartment and utility deposits etc and now I am locked into a lease. I don't make enough through SSD to live in any other place. I live in the cheapest rental I could find. I used all of my 401K to pay off $25,000 worth of medical bills so I have no savings left, no pension.

To answer others' questions I did go to counseling when I was out of state and had insurance. I no longer have insurance and do not qualify for medicare yet as their is a 29 month waiting period. I sought medicaid and was told I don't qualify for that and make just a little too much to qualify for food stamps. When I got a sinus infection last month I couldn't even go to doctor.

I just needed to know I wasn't being unreasonable in not wanting to go places with him like he was my boyfriend because everyone they know says how terrible I am because I won't spend more time with him. I don't see why my not working should cause them to think all my time should be devoted to him after all I'm the one disabled and he does have a wife who is 15 yrs younger than him so she should be going places with him not me. I was just hoping for some bright idea on how to get them to leave me alone more. She originally said he was about to die so I had thought with a little inheritance it would give me enough to move on.
Um...if you're disabled you qualify for Medicare. And if all you're living on is SSD, I'm surprised you don't qualify for Food Stamps or subsidized housing.

If you truly want them to leave you alone, set limits. Tell them when you will call-- once a week is plenty-- then do it. Do not answer the telephone otherwise. If they become verbally inappropriate or abusive during that call, tell them you will hang up, then do it. If they call the police for a welfare check, explain to the local law enforcement agency the situation. Do not cave or fall for sob stories, even "just this once". Do not ask for help or money, and don't take it if it is offered, because with gifts come strings. Don't talk to the church ladies when they offer opinions, because it is not their business. Smile politely, and tell them it's not something you care to discuss, then change the subject.
Don't lie, because that implies that you owe anyone justification. And if they take his part over yours...so what? Are those the kind of people you really give a darn about?
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Old 11-29-2010, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,469 posts, read 7,181,651 times
Reputation: 3499
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtneer View Post
I didn't mean any disrespect to Autistic or Aspergers people. I actually did volunteer work before for the autism society and am very familiar with the whole spectrum of disorders. However I observed many adult males with Aspergers who were indeed sexually inappropriate, not that they molested anyone but they had no understanding that it is not "okay" to stalk ladies they like or blurt out sexual remarks, etc. Its not that they are mean; its that they don't understand appropriate social behavior. His brother has actually been on SSI for autism his entire life and it does look to me that ASD often runs in families just by knowing SO MANY people with multiple ASD kids or couples where one parent and their child both have ASD. My therapist did say he did seem to be on the spectrum.
Your therapist is out of line. It is not his/her place to make secondhand diagnoses of people who are not his/her client. Nor does it make any difference in your therapy.


And if you're familiar with autism spectrum disorders, no doubt you've heard the saying "If you've seen one person with Asperger's...you've seen one person with Asperger's." Making sweeping generalizations about sexual impropriety is...yeah, disrespectful and inaccurate.
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Old 11-29-2010, 06:24 PM
 
3,573 posts, read 6,465,163 times
Reputation: 3482
You can move less then $5000 across country. I did it many times when I was a single parent. Do as Jasper says. Sell everything and put personals in your car. Don't go onto Craigslist to find a room. Pick a place where you want to move and check their on-line newspaper for rental rooms. DON'T TELL YOUR FAMILY WHERE YOU' RE GOING. They are all nuts and it never gets better. I know, my mother's family is like that and they aren't getting better with age. I only talk to my mother in short intervals but the others I don't talk to at all anymore.

There are people on this forum that can encourage and give you tips on how to move and get on with your life.
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Old 11-29-2010, 06:27 PM
 
Location: Kingman AZ
15,370 posts, read 39,047,430 times
Reputation: 9215
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtneer View Post
Well I thought it was abnormal too. But father and his wife think this is appropriate behavior and are making the daughters life living hell. What can daughter do to shake them both off? Especially with thinking he should go with her fishing and to mountains, etc.
of COURSE daddy thhinks it's ok...... most bank robbers and other criminals think their crime was ok to .
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Old 11-29-2010, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Lowell, MA
6,926 posts, read 6,540,892 times
Reputation: 10161
Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001 View Post
Sounds like sexual abuse was permitted from the father by the mother so as to get him out of her own affairs with other men. The daughter sounds like a victim and needs to cut the strings.
I agree temptation,

Pedofile - with mom's approval. Sounds like they could even be brother and sister. Do they let the girl work? If not, she needs to run to a shelter for help. My heart goes out to this girl living in such a disfunctional situation.
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Old 11-29-2010, 06:38 PM
 
14,771 posts, read 17,075,240 times
Reputation: 20658
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtneer View Post
I have no one else to help me. I live in the next town but its only 20 miles and they demand constant contact and visits or they call the cops to check up on me. They called the cops when I was living out of state. I have no money to move. It cost $5000 to move cross country, pay apartment and utility deposits etc and now I am locked into a lease. I don't make enough through SSD to live in any other place. I live in the cheapest rental I could find. I used all of my 401K to pay off $25,000 worth of medical bills so I have no savings left, no pension.

To answer others' questions I did go to counseling when I was out of state and had insurance. I no longer have insurance and do not qualify for medicare yet as their is a 29 month waiting period. I sought medicaid and was told I don't qualify for that and make just a little too much to qualify for food stamps. When I got a sinus infection last month I couldn't even go to doctor.

I just needed to know I wasn't being unreasonable in not wanting to go places with him like he was my boyfriend because everyone they know says how terrible I am because I won't spend more time with him. I don't see why my not working should cause them to think all my time should be devoted to him after all I'm the one disabled and he does have a wife who is 15 yrs younger than him so she should be going places with him not me. I was just hoping for some bright idea on how to get them to leave me alone more. She originally said he was about to die so I had thought with a little inheritance it would give me enough to move on.
No, its not unreasonable. It is not a normal situation, and you have every right to just get up and leave.

I would just move further away. I know its going to be tough, but.... if you cant just get them to back off it does seem like your only option.
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