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Many states have a year or more wait to aquire a no fault divorce. And with attorneys you can drag it on somewhat....but in the modern age divorce proceedings barring ny until recently don't last that long unless they are fault...and even then i have never heard of many going past a few years. And since most states are community property the issue of assets isn't even brought up since it's going to be 50/50. And even in equitable distribution states often it still goes 50/50.
you do realize even in 50/50 states a lot of settlements are reached prior to court. There are an aweful lot of trade offs and a lot of things people don't want going to judicial 50/50. For example I have my G-G-G-G-GF's land grant from 1823 signed by JQ Adams. It is worth about $200 on eBay. To me it is near priceless. If it goes to court there could be a forced sale. Or what being forced to pay 50% of the child's toys to keep them (don't even think about questioning me on that one). Or, ...
You make this out to be too easy but in reality it is far from easy in a lot of cases. Yes, you can run to court and get a judgement and split everything. But what about the woman that put her husband through medical school? She gets screwed in a no-fault 50/50 divorce.
And here are a few other things to consider:
in a 50/50 both parties get 50% of the assets and 50% of the debts. The divorce decree doesn't trump contracr law. So if the X doesn't pay Visa they come to you and waving the decree around will only make them laugh.
The house where the child(ren) will live will usually have both names on the mortgage. One party buying out the other for 50% of the net equity doesn't mean the other party is off the hook. If the house goes into foreclosure both are responsibe. And it enters both credit scores and debt ratios. IOW, if the mortgage is $2500/mo then there is $2500 additional in your debt ratio making it nearly impossible to get a house for yourself.
If you go to court the judge can only order a sherrif sale of the property. IOW, it's sold at auction. If you have a $300k property value you're lucky to see $200k. So, yes you can get a no-fault 50/50 divorce - but that $100k disappears with it.
And my point is that emergency hearings to strip custody are very rare and have to show extreme cause that one parent is unfit. Also generally when you miss a hearing they will schedule a second one in case there is a mix up in addresses. In order to get custoday lying is not enough you have to actually prove you are a better parent. His story smells like something is missing that he isn't telling us at all. I mean if your ex gets custody why would you wait more than 6 months to try to fight it?
In an ex-parte, or even if both parties are there, lying can get you custody. This is family court, not cival or criminal court. The level of proof is real low. And no judge will want to risk putting a child in an unsafe environment, even if it is bogus. They will order a study. And after the study the child(ren) are settled and unless there is a substantial change in circumstances thet is where they stay.
In days of olde claiming sexual abuse got the father out of the house. After the few months it took to clear it up he never got custody as the child(ren) were settled. I hopw this has changed, but I'd be real surprised if it has.
I have told her I will be documenting everything back in 2007 so everything is saved, in 2 binders... emails/texts/voice messages. etc. I reached the point where all communication is threw email so it is all documented, I even warned her that any phone conversation will be recorded. Not that you can use it but all the threats she has made to me have come true. Blocking my kids numbers from me, telling me I will never see them ever again (that is documented in a email and voice message) and the couple times I have picked up the phone thinking it was my kids, it's her and she starts threatning crap because it drives her crazy that she cant get her 2 cents in because she knows i document everything.
you have emails, txts, and answering machines? Dude, get a better lawyer.
BTW, there is a QUOTE button in the lower right of the message. If you use it it helps with determining who you're responding to.
If anyone is still reading, I ve got really good news... So after much brainstorming, crying, praying, feeling helpless and hopeless about my situation something comes to mind. Now, sometime last year I kinda thought of something similar to what I am about to state but because I was in extreme financial hardship I didn't consider this any further. I've been looking online at differnt joint custody schedules trying to find one that would allow both myself and the ex to have equal time so no one is feeling cheated. And more importantly so that our children can have both parents actively involved in their lives....So here it goes.
I am going to propose at total and complete 50/50 split where we both have visitiation 6 months at a time and during those 6 months children would visit the other parent one weekend a month. Ok, before you start wondering about schooling here is where my god given brilliance and determination comes into play.
I plan to leave for NC next month, get situated with job and hope to purchase home within the next year, hopefully six months. During this time, I will visit children one extended weekend per month. Now here is where it gets interesting. I would like to have my 6 month visitation the 2nd half of year, months, July-December. Once the kids are out of school in NJ, I will bring them to visit with me for the months of July and August, then the children and I will head to NJ and we will live find temporary housing and live with them for the months of August through December,,,just 4 months out of the year I would be displaced. I can totally deal with this.
In case you are wondering how in the heck, I would manage to do this financially...here goes. The home that I want to purchase in NC will be extremely modest. I will buy well below my affordability. Anyone who knows anything about NC, would know that one can obtain a decent home, in nice neighborhood and cheap taxes for under $100k...if you look good(especially closer or in rural areas) What I am going to do for income is substitute teach,possibly go back into real estate and temporary agencies always have short term assignments and will do this in both states. In the future, when I have more education, perhaps I could become an adjunct professor with gigs in both locations or work as an online professor.
I know this sounds like a lot, but I am willing to do whatever is necessary to find a happy medium. I refuse to give in a be the weekend parent. With this schedule both parents would be able to be involved in the kids schooling. I would even be the one to get them started off to a good school year. And I would already be in the area for all of the end of year holidays. Then I can had to NC in January, as soon as it gets cold(I have S.A.D, by the way) and visit the children an extended weekend a month until my visitation comes in July. I am willing to make this work...the key is for me to get my living expenses extremely low to make this work and I know that is totally possible.
How does this sound? Do any of you see any drawbacks? Let me know your opinions?
I don't think children only seeing one parent one weekend a month is very healthy and to be honest judges rarely sign off on those sort of deals. And would you even be able to convince him to go for it?
I don't think children only seeing one parent one weekend a month is very healthy and to be honest judges rarely sign off on those sort of deals. And would you even be able to convince him to go for it?
The better questions are:
how will she support two households while in NJ for 4 months given that is what drove into being near homeless )and forced to live with someone she met on the Internet) in the first place.
What kind of employer will give her off 4 months a year?
She's treating the children like they're her property and she deserves the over a good father (per her words) and her express intent is to take them away from everyone to her private utopia.
how will she support two households while in NJ for 4 months given that is what drove into being near homeless )and forced to live with someone she met on the Internet) in the first place.
What kind of employer will give her off 4 months a year?
She's treating the children like they're her property and she deserves the over a good father (per her words) and her express intent is to take them away from everyone to her private utopia.
Most important why just not stay in nj until the kids grow up?
What about the children? How would you like to be 8/12 yo and have to move at least three times a year until you are 18? What kind of stability would that provide?
BTW, I am familliar with NC. 100k may buy more than it would up in NJ, but it doesn't guarantee a good neighborhood or schools. Chances are in rural/small towns the type of work you are looking for will have limited job oppritunities and you're only willing to be available part of the year.
Quite honestly, if you are willing to do all this, why not just stay in NJ so you can have a relationship with your children? You aren't saving them from the gangs and such you are so terrified of with your new plan.... wasn't that your motive for moving in the first place?
Most important why just not stay in nj until the kids grow up?
whats done is done. i've moved and setting up shop in nj is just not an option. if you have ever been displaced and unstable for a period of 2 years or more, you could imagine the one thing that is of great importance is feeling stable and feeling like you have a home. at present, i honestly can not afford to set up in nj. i dont have the support system there that i have in nc. if u read through everything, you would know that i am going to move in with very dear friends of mine. they are going to allow me to live there paying minimal rent while i save for a home purchase. right now, i make 9 bucks an hour. if you know anything about nj, you would know that there is no where i can purchase a home let alone rent a space large enough to house to big kids on that kind of income. its more complicated than it looks. yea i could work a gazillion jobs but how so, if my schedule would alternate every other week when i have the children. right now, i am doing what i think is best in terms of gaining stability so that i can be a stable mother.
What about the children? How would you like to be 8/12 yo and have to move at least three times a year until you are 18? What kind of stability would that provide?
BTW, I am familliar with NC. 100k may buy more than it would up in NJ, but it doesn't guarantee a good neighborhood or schools. Chances are in rural/small towns the type of work you are looking for will have limited job oppritunities and you're only willing to be available part of the year.
Quite honestly, if you are willing to do all this, why not just stay in NJ so you can have a relationship with your children? You aren't saving them from the gangs and such you are so terrified of with your new plan.... wasn't that your motive for moving in the first place?
yes i wouldnt be saving them from what i originally wanted but i guess i am starting to give up in terms of them coming to nc. i am trying to work around them.
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good question
