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I would close the damned door! By sixteen, I am going to assume that she and I have had many conversations about biology and birth control. We will have discussed feelings, society's massive weirdness about sex and sexuality and how it will cause some boys to act. Sixteen is well old enough to have begun to be a sexual creature herself. It seems reasonable to me that she should explore and learn about that as well as every other facet of life. I certainly don't want her waiting until she is stuck with some man for the rest of her life to BEGIN to learn about it!
There would be a conversation about how it is a private matter, that I don't want to see it anymore than she wants to see me and her father and would she please be more circumspect in the future.
Im not that old...... and I can tell you for a fact that my various gf's and I did it everywhere from a young age.
It did start out at friends houses in the basement while watching a movie - the making out, oral sex, etc... you think your kids are just down there hanging out.. not really. That was late middle school..
As I had more and more freedom and boys and girls started to really mix. It became other things... We'd sneak over to girls sleep overs, sex in a hot tub (didnt work that well) happened at one of those, at 14 years old. Where were the parents? Passed out asleep thinking just a bunch of girls were over.
Forget about it when i got my license. We would 'go to the lake to hang with our friends' and have sex in the woods, one night on the floating dock, in our cars...during the day/night, etc..
And yes, I've had sex with girlfriends in their beds, their parents bed, the bathroom counter, the kitchen counter, the kitchen table and even in the living room. However what parents really should realize is that once they have a car, "We're going to a movie" meant we'd watch half the movie, get so amped up, go back to the car and get it on. Same thing with minigolf...sure we did play golf, but all that traffic we got stuck in..it was in our pants. I also had girls who would absolutely lie to their parents about where they were going for the night, and then come hang with me (sometimes taking the train!) at a house i was house sitting (when i was older HS)... it'd be a night of constant sex, sex in the shower and then I'd drive them home...parents thinking she was at her friends house all night.
As I've said in other threads, cell phones greatly helped us accomplish this stuff. There were times we were in the act and the girl was talking to her mom... confirming she was "at the mall" or whatever.
My dad did walk in on my 15 year old girlfriend naked in my bed one night, funny thing was that she did want to wait and we never had full on sex, we just liked to get naked. He said 'oh, sorry' - she was pretty afraid but he never mentioned it to me and nothing else was ever said about it. This was a church going girl who had really high values... it was amazing we never had full sex, she did know how to give a good bj though... what's the point? I dunno, just throwing it out there about what happened to me.
From a guys perspective I would absolutely say MOST guys are crappy like that.
I would never brag out of no where, but when guys talk and bs, it comes up who got who all the time..how good she is.....what she's good at.
i've actually never run into a guy who wouldn't talk about who he's sleeping with.
No most guys are not like that at all. And we aren't talking about just chatting up the fact one had sex, but the fact they did something to degrade her in school. Believe me we girls talk up the fact we have sex to our friends just as much as guys.
No most guys are not like that at all. And we aren't talking about just chatting up the fact one had sex, but the fact they did something to degrade her in school. Believe me we girls talk up the fact we have sex to our friends just as much as guys.
I'm sorry, are you a guy? Have you been a guy with guy friends your whole life?
We absolutely do that, and yes, most of them do.
Last edited by JustJulia; 07-23-2012 at 09:28 AM..
I'm sorry, are you a guy? Have you been a guy with guy friends your whole life?
We absolutely do that, and yes, most of them do.
You are a guy who, apparently, hung out with like minded guys. I dated (and later married) plenty of guys who WEREN'T like that. I agree that female as gatekeeper and male as preditor are popular attitudes. Part and parcel of the education that both my children will be that there are other, more healthy attitudes about sex that involved caring, compassion, kindness and joy. And that you can choose to be a person with healthy attitudes and it is wise to chose a partner with healthy attitudes.
I'm sorry, are you a guy? Have you been a guy with guy friends your whole life?
We absolutely do that, and yes, most of them do.
Actually most of my friends growing up were boys, i had boyfriends who had guy friend, 2 brothers, i also was around their friends. And i can say with some degree of certainty that most guys are fairly decent. Just like you get scuz bucket girls you get scuz bucket guys. But they are the exception rather than the rule. Most guys don't have sex and then treat the girl like absolute dirt like you seem to think.
You are a guy who, apparently, hung out with like minded guys. I dated (and later married) plenty of guys who WEREN'T like that. I agree that female as gatekeeper and male as preditor are popular attitudes. Part and parcel of the education that both my children will be that there are other, more healthy attitudes about sex that involved caring, compassion, kindness and joy. And that you can choose to be a person with healthy attitudes and it is wise to chose a partner with healthy attitudes.
Sure we all have healthy attitudes, but I promise you that if you think your guy friends were keeping it quiet about your sex life with them, they were not.
My daughter approached me when she was sixteen to ask if her boyfriend could sleep over, being a bit slow I thought she was asking if it was ok for him to sleep in the spare room, it was no daddy in my room and bed, gulp.
After a word with my wife who told me they were having sex my view was that she was far safer in the house with him rather than being in a car etc.
Nice lad, he took good care of her.
Worry about daughters, they at least have more common sense than earth worms, it was my lads of eighteen and seventeen I worried about, teenage males at that age believe they are immortal.
I would close the damned door! By sixteen, I am going to assume that she and I have had many conversations about biology and birth control. We will have discussed feelings, society's massive weirdness about sex and sexuality and how it will cause some boys to act. Sixteen is well old enough to have begun to be a sexual creature herself. It seems reasonable to me that she should explore and learn about that as well as every other facet of life. I certainly don't want her waiting until she is stuck with some man for the rest of her life to BEGIN to learn about it!
There would be a conversation about how it is a private matter, that I don't want to see it anymore than she wants to see me and her father and would she please be more circumspect in the future.
Wow, some common sense for a change. Thanks for this!
BTW, just one nit-picky thing: we're all "sexual creatures" from the day we're born, in the sense that we have an inherent sexual identity. I certainly agree that 16 is old enough to be sexually active,and that it's important for parents to teach about safety long before that age.
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