Parents who are sarcastic with their kids... (bullying, infant, girl)

[CArizona]

I notice that some parents can be very sarcastic with their kids...This seems to be the culture in some families...Everyone talks to each other in flippant and sarcastic ways...Supposedly it's all done in "good humor" and nobody is trying to be mean to anyone but the sarcasm does come across as "put-downs" at times...How do you feel about it? The sit-coms on TV are full of sarcasm and "put-downs." My Mom could be sarcastic with me at times when I was growing up and I never liked it. I didn't want to serve as the "butt" of her "jokes" and be "put-down." My Dad never did this because it wasn't part of his culture...My Mom's side of the family had a tendency to relate to each other through sarcasm a lot so it all seemed normal to her...What are your thoughts about sarcasm and how it may affect kids? Thanks.

[sskkc]

I am sarcastic. Even with/in front of my kids. But not in a "put down" way with my kids or anyone else's. My kids seem to enjoy it and even join in. I'm pretty subtle and play "straight" really well.

Examples:

Me: At the end of season football party, the girl who was "assigned" to us came in to the room. I'd forgotten to pay at the beginning, and no one had asked (I had given the deposit over the phone). She came in, timidly asking me if I wanted to pay, I replied "What do you mean?" with a straight face. She stumbled for a second and then I smiled and said, "Of course" - everyone laughed.

My daughter at age 4: Her dad walked into the family room and announced he was going to go jump in the shower. She stood up and (in a very concerned voice) said loudly, "Daddy, that's not SAFE!" There was a pause, then she laughed uproariously.

My son at age 10: Again to dad - Dh walked into the room one morning, the kids just having eaten breakfast, son had just slung his backpack over his shoulder to put it back by the door but was just wearing his shirt and undies. Dh asked, not thinking clearly at 6:30am, "Are you going to wear pants?" My son quickly deadpanned, "Nope, it's been really warm in the classroom lately."

My dh is "immune" to my deadpanning sarcasm and rarely responds. Years ago, we were at a relative's home for a visit. Dh had let me sleep in. Everyone but dh and my then infant son were in the family room. Dh was in the kitchen, arms full of my squirming son (they didn't have a high chair) and my son had just flicked his oatmeal off the spoon, right on dh's face. I was standing at the sink and he asked me for a towel. I said, "No, get it yourself." but was handing him the paper towel as I spoke. The others heard, but couldn't see. Later that day, my uncle approached me, very upset about how I treat my husband - VERY. But I called my husband over and we explained it. I guess a lot of our interaction is "Roseanne and Dan", but it's all in good fun.

My father is very sarcastic, even more dry than I am. Which is where I probably get it from. So - I guess it depends on the nature of the interaction and the people involved, as to whether or not it has an adverse affect on a child.

[icibiu]

GUILTY here!! I don't know that I'd call it cultural for me as much as regional, I'm from NYC, we're all a bunch of sarcastic fools.

My son (4yo) is pretty sarcastic too, I can't imagine where he gets it from.

Sarcasam doesn't bother me; people who don't pick up on it on the other hand...

[gramirez2012]

Understanding/picking up on sarcasm is a necessary social skill. It's important to teach your kids how to recognize it and use it appropriately.

[CArizona]

I like to "play" at times but I try to make sure that my "play" won't hurt anyone's feelings...I don't want to make someone else the "butt" of my jokes...I don't want to embarrass anyone or make someone feel stupid...I don't watch sit-coms because of all the sarcasm and "put'downs." I like to relate to people in "straight" and respectful ways...But I do find ways to "play" that aren't "damaging" to someone's self esteem and trust in me...

[LeavingMassachusetts]

You would not survive in the Boston area without the ability to use and understand sarcasm on a daily basis.

[VBmom]

We are all very sarcastic around here. Everyone knows it's all in fun. My Dad used to say, "you only pick on the one's you love." I guess that's true for my family. It is also just our sense of humor and in our house making everyone laugh is a highly prized skill.

[LisaMc46]

This is a regional/ethnic thing. I grew up in an Italian-American community in Northern N.J. about 10 miles outside of NYC. Everyone was sarcastic. It was just one way people communicated with each other and I don't think most people did it as a put down.

Now, I live in rural Vermont. No one gets sarcasm. They tend to be serious and take everything very literally. When I've tried to be sarcastic they just don't get it so I save my sarcasm for visits to my family in N.J.

[CArizona]

I didn't use sarcasm with my kids because I didn't want them to be sarcastic or "smart alecky" with me or others...We weren't super serious all the time...We played and had fun when they were growing up but not at the expense of each other's feelings...So much "bullying" goes on today because kids are insensitive to the feelings of others. I worry about this.

[Hopes]

Love sarcasm! I totally 'get' it. I LMAO even when sarcasm is directed towards me, even when it's negative. My father was the master. It takes a significant amount of talent to create sarcasm that is intelligent and witty. I admire the quickness of the mind, the depth of the observation. I can't stand slap-stick comedy. It's too shallow and lacks intelligence.

When I met my husband, we knew right away were the perfect life partners because our sarcams is on the same level. Good sarcasm, properly placed, and disengage an intense situation. When I'm angry about something, my husband usually responses with sarcasm (and me vise versa). And the person who is upset bursts out laughing. End of argument! I've TRIED to keep a straight face and stay mad at him. But I can't. It's just so perfect to laugh and forget.

As for our adult children, they understand and weild sarcasm with great skill. They certainly aren't upset by it. Our family sarcasm isn't nasty. It's intelligent and witty. We're not insulting one another. Sarcasm between loved ones shouldn't be insulting and should never extend beyond the emotional and/or intellectual capabilities of the recipient.

There's a difference between intelligent sarcasm and mean abusive sarcasm. And my family practices intellectual sarcasm.