Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Just wondering, and not judging...where do those of you live that want to be called your first name by kids?
My mom would probably still wash my mouth out with soap if I dared call an older lady by her first name. Maybe it's just a Southern thing but I expect my children's friends to call me Mrs. (last name) or at least Mrs. (first name). After they are friends for awhile it usually ends up being Momma (last name.) or Momma(first name). I know I said it's just a name but I do expect some level of respect from children and raise mine the same way.
Just wondering, and not judging...where do those of you live that want to be called your first name by kids?
My mom would probably still wash my mouth out with soap if I dared call an older lady by her first name. Maybe it's just a Southern thing but I expect my children's friends to call me Mrs. (last name) or at least Mrs. (first name). After they are friends for awhile it usually ends up being Momma (last name.) or Momma(first name). I know I said it's just a name but I do expect some level of respect from children and raise mine the same way.
The intention is more important to me than the words. I have taught my kids to look the person in the eye, smile, and say hello like you are glad to see them. What I have a problem with around here is kids who say hello Mrs. X while they are chewing gum, looking at their feet, and could care less about you. Kinda defeats the purpose for me.
I have lived in Seattle, Canada, the UK, and 6 African countries, and in all of them it's about how you say it, not what you say.
DH and I have been married THIRTY FIVE YEARS I can't believe it is still an issue. Not only can it be a generational thing but also very much a geographical thing. We married in Oklahoma where every body thought I was a subversive communist because I did not take his name. We moved to georgia where I was regarded as slightly eccentric and strange.
Finally we moved to Chapel Hill, N.C. where most of our kids friends have parents with different names. We adopted kids at the "elderly" ages of 55 and 62 so I guess we are "different" but still. why does anybody care?
Our 4 kids have 4 names, first, middle, my last name and husband's last name. They all go by husband's last name which doesn't bother me at all. I thought it would be difficult for them to have hyphenated names so didn't do that. BTW DH will go by my last name if somebody addresses him that way and I will go by his last name.
Our health insurance has his last name on the policy and I always sign in at hospitals with his name just so insurance folks don't get too confused.
I'm from the south and was taught to address elders as Mrs/Mr. Smith or Ms. Betty butnever to use first names alone. I am not insulted when kids address me by my first name only. You can show respect or disrespect in so many ways other than how you address somebody. Just doesn't bother me.
I didn't change my name when I married, either. Most people at my daughter's school call me by my husband/daughter's last name. I don't care one way or the other.
I kept my maiden name. People call my husband Mr. My Maiden Name. It's funny. He's more often called my maiden name than I'm called his last name because our children have my maiden name.
The only time people call me by his last name is at the doctor's office because the health insurance is his policy. That annoys me because it's my medical record and pharmacies have a hard time filling my prescriptions if the doctor calls in a prescription under a different name. Many female doctors retain their maiden names after marriage. You'd think they would have a way to do the filing system to accommodate families with many last names.
Intestingly, my husband doesn't care that people call him by my maiden name. I've always considered that an extremely admirable trait of his. He clearly loves his children and doesn't have a problem with people assuming he has the same last name as them.
My kids and I all have my husband's last name. But I do use my maiden name professionally. I had my career up and running before I got married and didn't want to loose the name recognition I had.
My husband's mother was an actress and had a screen name. His father got called Mr. ___ by a lot by people who knew her but not him. Which apparently he didn't much care for.
Just wondering, and not judging...where do those of you live that want to be called your first name by kids?
My mom would probably still wash my mouth out with soap if I dared call an older lady by her first name. Maybe it's just a Southern thing but I expect my children's friends to call me Mrs. (last name) or at least Mrs. (first name). After they are friends for awhile it usually ends up being Momma (last name.) or Momma(first name). I know I said it's just a name but I do expect some level of respect from children and raise mine the same way.
I grew up in CT, but live in FL now. I don't find anyone using my first name disrespectful. I mean, if they called me "hey stupid," or "yo, ugly," then I'd be offended... but using my proper name? It's all good.
I was just just curious how others dealt with this issue. I kept my maiden name when I got married (and nearly 20 years later, it still irks my MIL!! ), and it has been a non-issue all these years. Now the kids are in school, and people don't really seem to know how to deal with it. I don't really get what the problem is. Divorced families have different names, and it's not a problem, but apparently that is different. I honestly don't much care what people call me, but was raised that it is a sign of respect to address people by their correct name. I always tell the teachers they are welcome to refer to me as Ms. My name, or Mrs. Husbands name, I don't really care. My kids understand why I kept my maiden name, and do correct people, but it would seem some people, surprisingly more women, have a problem with it. My daughter's teacher last year made a big deal about it, she'd always make the comment "I never know what to call you", huh, my name would be a start! I realize it's probably a generational thing, and some areas are more conservative than others with regard to family/women. Anyone have similar experiences?
I did change my name, so haven't had that issue personally (although in my crowd keeping one's maiden name is more common than a name change, so we're in the minority). In the course of my career I've had to deal with name issues a LOT, though (as often database management or dealing with people in general came under by duties); it's really not unusual at all these days for parents to have different last names. I'm surprised that you're encountering confusion, but perhaps in your specific community it's less common. It's very normal in other places, though, and I would agree with those who have suggested that it's just as much a location as a generational thing. I also worked with a lot of older people, and many of them have different names (in some cases because they remarried but kept their former name, etc.) I never jump to conclusions.
I can understand asking about preferred address, though; any chance she just meant Ms. versus Mrs. (although it sounds like you made it clear that either worked)? If she's sensitive about protocol it can get overwhelming; there are rules for everything (love, love, love Letitia Baldridge as a guide for that!), but if you know enough to know that there are rules, but don't feel conversant with the protocol ins and outs it could possible lead someone to be worried about accidentally offending someone. (I've had grumpy phone calls from people because letters left of the "Honorable" on the address label; some people can get really uptight. Maybe the teacher has run into difficult people in the past)
I kept my birth name (I'm such a radical, I don't even use the word "maiden" lol). It bothers no one but a few members of my husband's family and some other gossipy women with whom we're acquainted. My girls have my husband's last name, and my last name is their middle name. Everyone at their schools calls me Mrs. Husband's name. I go along because here in the midwest/Bible belt, I'm an oddity. Professionally, I use my birth name. Just like another poster, it's only ever a problem at the doctor's office. When I take my children to a new place, the staff always assumes I'm divorced. My best friend who lived in NY and now lives DC kept her birth name, and she's never had someone even so much as hesitate. I think how people respond does depend on where you live.
As far as children, I teach my children to refer to adults by courtesy title and surname until they're told otherwise by the adult. Then, they can call the adult what the adult prefers. I don't mind if kids call me by my first name. Some of my girls' friends' parents insist that their children call me Ms. _______ or Mrs. Husband's name. Some settle for Ms. Lucy. I answer to whichever version of my name they use.
i think people just assume that you and your children have the same last name. if they address you as such and you want to be called by your birth name, just say so. dont worry what people think---people are stuck on nonesense. i grew up in the north and everyone just calls eachother by their first names. when meeting a parent i always called them mr./mrs. last name and usually they would either accept that or ask me to call them by their first name.
now i am in the south and everyone is either mr./mrs. first name or mr./mrs. last name. i dont feel comfortable calling anyone older than me by only their first name. it is not expected down here...i just go with the flow.
i also make sure my son calls everyone m'am or sir or if we know their names, use mr. or miss in front of it out of respect....everyone we know down here who is not a southerner always says the same thing---just call me "first name"
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I mean, if they called me "hey stupid," or "yo, ugly," then I'd be offended... but using my proper name? It's all good.
), and it has been a non-issue all these years. Now the kids are in school, and people don't really seem to know how to deal with it. I don't really get what the problem is. Divorced families have different names, and it's not a problem, but apparently that is different. I honestly don't much care what people call me, but was raised that it is a sign of respect to address people by their correct name. I always tell the teachers they are welcome to refer to me as Ms. My name, or Mrs. Husbands name, I don't really care. My kids understand why I kept my maiden name, and do correct people, but it would seem some people, surprisingly more women, have a problem with it. My daughter's teacher last year made a big deal about it, she'd always make the comment "I never know what to call you", huh, my name would be a start! I realize it's probably a generational thing, and some areas are more conservative than others with regard to family/women. Anyone have similar experiences?
