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My daughter came home one day and told me she gave her snack (one of them she so happened to pack two snacks that day) to another kid in her class. She said the kid had left her snack home and the teacher asked if someone would share with her.
Just wondering could it be a similar situation with your childs teacher?
No because the teacher is asking students and not forcing them.
You have to be careful with this approach. If parents are talking amongst themselves over a concern rather than going directly to the teacher about a supposed issue they've heard about, the teacher can respond negatively.
You might end up spending the rest of the school year with a teacher that doesn't like or trust you, and could possibly put your child on her bad-side as well.
I have seen this happen a few times, where the teacher feels like the parents have ganged-up on her/him. There's a mob mentality that arises at times when parents go to other parents rather than using a more direct approach - which would be talking directly to the teacher.
If you go to the teacher directly, it helps build a better relationship. You can approach it like, "I heard the craziest thing and I don't know if it's my child's wild imagination or not, so I thought I'd ask you directly..."
It's usually better to put out a small flame quickly rather than stoking the fire and having a bigger mess to clean up later.
(I was joking when I mentioned the laxative in the snacks before, btw.)
I can certainly see your point behind a group of parents 'ganging up', and I agree that's not in any way useful. But I also don't see a problem, when the story is a bit strange and could be an interpretation issue, with a parent tactfully asking another parent before going to the teacher. And yes, the story could go round from there but that's where thinking tactfully comes in (I would be asking another parent that I knew and trusted they wouldn't be the kind to stand around outside school spreading it further).
Well, it's absolutely true, and now that's it's confirmed I realize how much I was hoping it wasn't. The other child told the same story with a few more details; she named several kids who gave the teacher their snack, she told the same exact story as my son regarding who had to give a snack last Friday, including name of child, type of snack and the fact that it was already half eaten.
The other child recounted how one student was told that because he/she didn't have a snack to give the teacher, he/she would now have to do extra spelling homework that night, and this other child also said that the teacher has even taken away kid's bottles of water. Not paying attention apparently ranges from talking while the teacher is teaching to not being able to answer a question the teacher asks regarding what is being taught.
This child went further to recount another disciplinary action this teacher takes which my son did tell me about a while ago, but at the time I did not place much stock in it as I was in "give the teacher the benefit of the doubt" mode, and which I later forgot. Apparently, the kids are allowed to use the bathroom twice a day; once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Personally, that sounds reasonable to me for 4th graders, but if for some reason a child has to use the bathroom other than those 2 times, they lose part of their recess.
Doesn't take a genius to figure out what will happen here; rather than lose recess, the kids will be holding it in, no matter how badly they need to go. The other parent is livid; her daughter has frequent UTI's.
BTW, I have only discussed this with one parent because truthfully, she is the only parent I actually know well enough to call on the phone, and I just wanted to be absolutely certain my son was not misconstruing what was happening in the classroom.
Wow. I was kind of hoping that your son was wrong too. I'm sorry you have to deal with this situation, and it certainly is difficult because your son will be in her room for the rest of the year.
Well, it's absolutely true, and now that's it's confirmed I realize how much I was hoping it wasn't. The other child told the same story with a few more details; she named several kids who gave the teacher their snack, she told the same exact story as my son regarding who had to give a snack last Friday, including name of child, type of snack and the fact that it was already half eaten.
The other child recounted how one student was told that because he/she didn't have a snack to give the teacher, he/she would now have to do extra spelling homework that night, and this other child also said that the teacher has even taken away kid's bottles of water. Not paying attention apparently ranges from talking while the teacher is teaching to not being able to answer a question the teacher asks regarding what is being taught.
This child went further to recount another disciplinary action this teacher takes which my son did tell me about a while ago, but at the time I did not place much stock in it as I was in "give the teacher the benefit of the doubt" mode, and which I later forgot. Apparently, the kids are allowed to use the bathroom twice a day; once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Personally, that sounds reasonable to me for 4th graders, but if for some reason a child has to use the bathroom other than those 2 times, they lose part of their recess.
Doesn't take a genius to figure out what will happen here; rather than lose recess, the kids will be holding it in, no matter how badly they need to go. The other parent is livid; her daughter has frequent UTI's.
BTW, I have only discussed this with one parent because truthfully, she is the only parent I actually know well enough to call on the phone, and I just wanted to be absolutely certain my son was not misconstruing what was happening in the classroom.
That's all sounding pretty strange.....normally if I had an issue with a teacher I would approach the teacher first but I'm not sure I'd bother starting there in this case...
What's the deal with the teacher? Is it retirement time? Has this been her classroom management since the school year started? It's all sort of heading towards the dunce cap...
I am surprised that this thread has reached almost eighty posts and no one has asked why a kid is being "punished" for not paying attention. Kids get distracted sitting in a classroom. Sometimes they daydream. This doesn't mean they are bad, it simply means they are kids. A gentle but firm reminder to focus would go just as far as any "punishment".
When my son was in the first grade I went to the teacher parent conference and the teacher was concerned that my son might have ADD (not hyper, mind you) because sometimes when she'd call on him it was clear he hadn't been paying attention and he might have been daydreaming. I asked her if he was getting his work done? Yes. Was he learning? Yes. I told her that I wasn't planning on putting him on medication and that he had demonstrated several hours of sustained attention at home when building with Legos.
Sometimes the inner theater of the child's mind is much more exciting/interesting/relevant than what is being covered in school. Because a kid isn't ready to spend so many hours focusing on the mundane, it doesn't mean he or she as done anything worthy of punishment.
I have a friendly acquaintance that is my age - mid forties. He was diagnosed with ADD when he was a kid because he couldn't pay attention in class to save his life. He had supportive parents that were unwilling to medicate him. He grew up to be an entrepreneur. He sold his company a few years back for millions of dollars - he now spends his time running a foundation that he formed in his mother's memory and honor that exposes low income children to the arts. Not being able to pay attention in school didn't hurt him at all.
One thing for the OP.... none of these "disciplinary actions" have come down on your son. Not one. Soooo, are you going to go up there and complain to the teacher or principal about what MIGHT have happened to someone else's kid?? Something you truly cannot confirm and is NOT "absolutely true"?????? If you do, you will be "THAT parent" for the rest of your son's days in that school. And you'll be putting your son at a disadvantage since no teacher is going to want to worry about you being a chronic complainer.
I would leave it to the parents of the kids who have to give up their snacks. Let them get together and talk to the teacher and/or principal. They should speak to the teacher first to get her side of things ---- sounds like the story gets bigger and bigger as time goes on. First, it was just "snacks" now it's water bottles, bathroom breaks, recess times, etc..... I think in a few days, it will be standing in the corner on one foot while balancing rulers on their fingertips and singing the National Anthem and doing basic algebra between verses.
One thing for the OP.... none of these "disciplinary actions" have come down on your son. Not one. Soooo, are you going to go up there and complain to the teacher or principal about what MIGHT have happened to someone else's kid?? Something you truly cannot confirm and is NOT "absolutely true"?????? If you do, you will be "THAT parent" for the rest of your son's days in that school. And you'll be putting your son at a disadvantage since no teacher is going to want to worry about you being a chronic complainer.
I would leave it to the parents of the kids who have to give up their snacks. Let them get together and talk to the teacher and/or principal. They should speak to the teacher first to get her side of things ---- sounds like the story gets bigger and bigger as time goes on. First, it was just "snacks" now it's water bottles, bathroom breaks, recess times, etc..... I think in a few days, it will be standing in the corner on one foot while balancing rulers on their fingertips and singing the National Anthem and doing basic algebra between verses.
Omigawd, I can understand your doubt. After all, what the hell kind of teacher uses the withholding of a child's basic needs as punishment? But the fact remains that this other child told the same exact story, just with a few more details than I got from my son. As far as the bathroom breaks, I did not even mention this to the other mom; her daughter brought it up, and again, the story was exactly the same as my son's.
Also, it IS happening to my son. Just because he has not yet been "caught" not paying attention and hasn't had to physically give the teacher his snack, he is still under the threat of having to hand over his food or drink to the teacher every single day! Every child in that classroom is under the threat of having to either give the teacher their food or drink or go home with extra homework if the teacher thinks they are not paying attention. Every child is under the threat of having to 'hold it in' or lose recess time.
Therefore, it is happening to EVERY child EVERY day.
I don't know how old your kids are, and I'm assuming if you post on the parenting board you do have kids, but this is happening right in your backyard. You know, the backyard where you pay about a gazillion dollars in taxes! If your kids are younger, who knows, this teacher may become your problem soon as well.
Well, it's absolutely true, and now that's it's confirmed I realize how much I was hoping it wasn't. The other child told the same story with a few more details; she named several kids who gave the teacher their snack, she told the same exact story as my son regarding who had to give a snack last Friday, including name of child, type of snack and the fact that it was already half eaten.
The other child recounted how one student was told that because he/she didn't have a snack to give the teacher, he/she would now have to do extra spelling homework that night, and this other child also said that the teacher has even taken away kid's bottles of water. Not paying attention apparently ranges from talking while the teacher is teaching to not being able to answer a question the teacher asks regarding what is being taught.
This child went further to recount another disciplinary action this teacher takes which my son did tell me about a while ago, but at the time I did not place much stock in it as I was in "give the teacher the benefit of the doubt" mode, and which I later forgot. Apparently, the kids are allowed to use the bathroom twice a day; once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Personally, that sounds reasonable to me for 4th graders, but if for some reason a child has to use the bathroom other than those 2 times, they lose part of their recess.
Doesn't take a genius to figure out what will happen here; rather than lose recess, the kids will be holding it in, no matter how badly they need to go. The other parent is livid; her daughter has frequent UTI's.
BTW, I have only discussed this with one parent because truthfully, she is the only parent I actually know well enough to call on the phone, and I just wanted to be absolutely certain my son was not misconstruing what was happening in the classroom.
Well the next thing to do is call the school principal and schedule a meeting.
One thing for the OP.... none of these "disciplinary actions" have come down on your son. Not one. Soooo, are you going to go up there and complain to the teacher or principal about what MIGHT have happened to someone else's kid?? Something you truly cannot confirm and is NOT "absolutely true"?????? If you do, you will be "THAT parent" for the rest of your son's days in that school. And you'll be putting your son at a disadvantage since no teacher is going to want to worry about you being a chronic complainer.
The classroom management style still affects the OP's son, I'm not sure that I would wait until my own child was punished to ask some questions or seek some clarification about the atmosphere in the classroom...
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