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Old 12-17-2010, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
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I personally, don't always think I'll get a lot out of staff meetings at work either.....and yet, I am made to go....Sometimes, I'm even glad I went.

Learning to be places you may not want to be and behave in a respectful manner is a good life's lesson. Behaving in a respectful manner to your parents values while you are still a minor who lives at home is a good thing. Especially if you're going to want them to respect your choices down the road.

 
Old 12-17-2010, 02:29 PM
 
Location: Virginia Beach
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I personally, don't always think I'll get a lot out of staff meetings at work either.....and yet, I am made to go....Sometimes, I'm even glad I went.
Bad comparision. You have to go to work. They don't have to go to church.


Quote:
Behaving in a respectful manner to your parents values while you are still a minor who lives at home is a good thing. Especially if you're going to want them to respect your choices down the road.
And the same can be said in the opposite. If the 16 year old feels so strongly that he doesn't want to go to church, the parents should respect his decision, or he won't respect them as he leaves the roost.

Respect is a two-way street.
 
Old 12-17-2010, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
8,323 posts, read 15,137,208 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skeet09 View Post
Thank you sharing this Rita. Did you ever have a discussion with your parents about religion and your thoughts?
We (my parents and I) didn't have a discussion, my parents were catholic but didn't go to church so I am curious on how a son or daughter has a conversation with their parents who feel the opposite.
Well, to provide more details, like I said, I was 12 in a Jewish home. In other words, I realized that I had no feelings for religion during that period where I was supposed to be preparing for a Bat Mitzvah. That thing I was forced to do (against my will)? Stand up in front of the entire congregation and lie out my teeth and arse.

Two months before my Bat Mitzvah, I approached my dad (in tears) about my "problem" - that I felt nothing for Judaism, that I just couldn't believe in a god, that I couldn't believe in any semblance of higher power. I told him, in tears, that I would still attend services with him, but that I just couldn't go through with the Bat Mitzvah. I told him that I would feel like I was lying to myself, him, the Rabbi, and the entire congregation.

The result? Well... let's just say that it wasn't pretty.

On the positive side, I was glad that our Rabbi, whom I had spoken to before speaking to my father, knew the truth and understood. He was the only person that night who both knew the truth and respected my decision to no longer be Jewish. He hated that I was being forced to do the ceremony; it pained him. And I respect him all the more for his guidance and understanding.
 
Old 12-17-2010, 02:33 PM
 
13,233 posts, read 9,852,524 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rita Mordio View Post
I'm going to play the devil's advocate here and disagree with most people here. I've been where Handel is right now. Except I was 12 at the time. ((You know, too young to know my own mind and all that jazz?)) I'm not going to go into full details, but let's just say that I realized at 12 that I wasn't religious... and I'm still not religious to date. But I went through being atheist with a Jewish father... and I hated what he did and forced me to do (all in the name of obeying one's parents), so my view is going to be gravely different than some of the advice here.

To everyone here who thinks "children" should be forced to attend religious services (and even be a part of them) against their will... If your child expresses feelings of "I'm not sure about religion", the last thing you really should be doing is perpetuating the situation. Yeah, children live under their parents rule, but faith is just one of those things you really shouldn't push on a child.

If my daughter wants to attend church or synagogue, then I'll let her. I won't be my father.
I understand what you're saying, and you definitely have a point. But I think the difference here is that the kid is 16, and has figured out what he believes, and you can't force him to believe differently, even if you do make him go to church when he doesn't want to.

He's more mature than a 12 year old, and should be able to understand that not going to church and flaunting his newly found atheist views may shock and upset is family in a way that's totally avoidable and not necessary.

I have very different religious views than my mother in law, and sometimes I have to bite my tongue about it and just respect that her views are her views, because, when it comes down to it, I love her and don't want to hurt her feelings.

Doing things for the sake of others even though we'd rather not is a sign of maturity, and this is a good place to start.
 
Old 12-17-2010, 02:34 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 10,489,449 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Handel View Post
Where I'm from a lot of people are hardcore Christians. I grew up going to church etc. But now, at 16 I've decided I'm no longer Christian. I've thought about it for a long time, and I'm now an atheist.

However, my parents are still trying to force me to go to church and pray etc. I don't know why they can't just go and let me stay home or go to a friend's house or something. They can't force me to believe, so why force me to go? How do I convince them to just leave me alone?
Guess I could be labeled a strong Christian, but not hardcore. I have a very firm belief in my Christian values.
That being said, I did all sorts of questioning for many yrs.
My parents never wavered on that under their roof, Christianity is the religion of the home & we go to church as a family. I sat & sulked through many a service.
That being said, so glad my parents allowed me to fight my way through MY feelings on it all but never wavered on their own. It gave me a very strong sense of foundation.
As someone said, until you can support yourself, maybe look/listen from your viewpoint; you may hear some things that you were not hearing before that have nothing to do w/ "one" religion.
 
Old 12-17-2010, 02:38 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX, USA
5,142 posts, read 13,085,259 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rita Mordio View Post
Two months before my Bat Mitzvah, I approached my dad (in tears) about my "problem" - that I felt nothing for Judaism, that I just couldn't believe in a god, that I couldn't believe in any semblance of higher power. I told him, in tears, that I would still attend services with him, but that I just couldn't go through with the Bat Mitzvah. I told him that I would feel like I was lying to myself, him, the Rabbi, and the entire congregation.

The result? Well... let's just say that it wasn't pretty.

On the positive side, I was glad that our Rabbi, whom I had spoken to before speaking to my father, knew the truth and understood. He was the only person that night who both knew the truth and respected my decision to no longer be Jewish. He hated that I was being forced to do the ceremony; it pained him. And I respect him all the more for his guidance and understanding.
Oh Rita, it pains me to hear that your Rabbi was more understanding than your dad. Is religion something that you and your dad talked about after the incident?
 
Old 12-17-2010, 02:40 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,568 posts, read 18,056,555 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Langlen View Post
Bad comparision. You have to go to work. They don't have to go to church.




And the same can be said in the opposite. If the 16 year old feels so strongly that he doesn't want to go to church, the parents should respect his decision, or he won't respect them as he leaves the roost.

Respect is a two-way street.
Actually you are comparing apples to oranges. His parents may feel they have to go to church. And they believe it is in their child's (OP) best interests to attend with them. It isn't asking all that much of him to honor their wishes in this case.

If you said the OP HAD to go to school, and therefore HAD to attend meetings/assembly at school, you would have the proper comparison to having to work and go to meetings.

The OP isn't supporting himself. He HAS to do as his parents request/demand or he is free to emancipate himself and get a 40 hour a week job (IF he can find one not having even a high school diploma/GED). Giving up his childhood in order to save himself one frigging hour a week doing something he hates doesn't sound like a smart move.

Whether his parents SHOULD require/force him to attend church with them is not the subject of this thread. The parents aren't asking for advice, the son is.
 
Old 12-17-2010, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Barrington, IL area
1,594 posts, read 3,051,077 times
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How do they force you? Do they grab you by the hand, drag you out to the car, strap you in and lock the doors?
 
Old 12-17-2010, 02:46 PM
 
Location: in here, out there
3,062 posts, read 7,010,809 times
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I'm sure he'd rather be home playing Nintendo.
 
Old 12-17-2010, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Land of Thought and Flow
8,323 posts, read 15,137,208 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skeet09 View Post
Oh Rita, it pains me to hear that your Rabbi was more understanding than your dad. Is religion something that you and your dad talked about after the incident?
No. After the Bat Mitzvah, we did not speak about religion. I did whatever he asked of me regarding religion and bit my tongue until it bled. I went through the Confirmation ceremony without a single argument because I knew that fighting it would only end badly.

Even today, my father is still under the assumption that I did both of my own volition. If you asked him today, he would still say how proud he is/was.

As for my Rabbi, he is a great man who is extremely understanding. I have an overwhelming amount of respect for the man and was grinning like a mad-girl when I read this article about him.
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