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Old 12-22-2010, 03:08 PM
 
22,770 posts, read 25,218,368 times
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I need some advice from parents.

I know a woman, about 26, who has a newborn baby girl. The mother is college educated and fairly intelligent, but she is irresponsible, naive, undisciplined, and generally unprepared to be a mother.

While she is nursing, she is taking painkillers like Oxycontin, and smoking weed, and drinking beer.

Common sense dictates that this is bad for the child, although I'm not a doctor, so I don't know if the risk is mild, moderate, or severe.

Anyway, if you cared for the welfare of the little girl, and wanted to talk some sense into the mom to persuade her that she's making a big mistake, how would you do it? What would you say, how would you frame the issue? Or just in general - would you get involved at all?

I'm a little out of my element when it comes to babies in general, much less other peoples' babies.
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Old 12-22-2010, 03:13 PM
 
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I'm surprised she nurses seeing her lifestyles & how you desribe her.
Depends on your relationship w/ the parent to the degree on which you get involved.
Depressants & painkillers make babies lethargic & if taken in high amounts, could care permanent damage. That's about the gist of it.
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Old 12-22-2010, 03:19 PM
 
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I would think level of involvement really comes down to how close you are and how strong your relationship is. Is she a regular use of all of the above, or an occasional recreational user? Is it possible she is not breastfeeding for a period of time after partaking? For instance, you can drink, but then you need to not breastfeed for about 24 hours. They actually make testing strips for this. Marijuana use is much the same. The most troubling one is probably the Oxy as that can stay in your system for a long time. However, if she is a recreational user the risk is small. Overall the more she uses the substances, the more danger she is putting her baby in.
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Old 12-22-2010, 03:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804 View Post
Depends on your relationship w/ the parent to the degree on which you get involved.
Well.. I would not need to confront the mom. It is actually my girlfriend who is friends with the mom, who would confront her.

But my girlfriend is at a loss on how to persuade her, and so am I. The mom in question lacks a family that would support and advise her, so someone else needs to fill that role.

I see this as a very 'feminine' and 'motherly' issue that I just don't understand. I always thought women had a motherly instinct that tends to steer them away from harming their children. I suspect that if it were explained to her in a certain light, there's a chance she could do what is best for the kid, instead of what makes her feel good.
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Old 12-22-2010, 03:24 PM
 
1,692 posts, read 2,034,534 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi View Post
I know a woman, about 26, who has a newborn baby girl. The mother is college educated and fairly intelligent, but she is irresponsible, naive, undisciplined, and generally unprepared to be a mother.

While she is nursing, she is taking painkillers like Oxycontin, and smoking weed, and drinking beer.
Having seen first hand the results of drug use during pregnancy and subsequent neglect and who know what else afterward, I would not hesitate to call social services. No child deserves that environment.
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Old 12-22-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi View Post
I always thought women had a motherly instinct that steers them away from harming their children.
A few google searches on moms who kill their children can put that to rest. You would think mother's instinct would be there for all, but not every mom bounds w/ their child.
Nursing is a very bonding experience so it is confusing why she does that but does not take care of herself.
And really, unless you have direct involvement, not much you can do other than a call to CPS.
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Old 12-22-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by NJGOAT View Post
Is she a regular use of all of the above, or an occasional recreational user?
I'm not sure. I'm fairly certain she drinks beer every day, she probably smokes weed every other day or so, and she takes Oxy once or twice per week.
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Old 12-22-2010, 03:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi View Post
I'm not sure. I'm fairly certain she drinks beer every day, she probably smokes weed every other day or so, and she takes Oxy once or twice per week.
Then it all comes down to how much you really care. If the relationship isn't very strong, than just expect to get a mind your own business and a door slammed in your face. What she is doing is child abuse and I wouldn't hesitate to report it. She's an addict and needs help. You just need to come to terms with the fact you probably won't have a friend anymore, but you may have saved a child's life, or at the very least, their health.
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Old 12-22-2010, 03:42 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,302 posts, read 3,759,048 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi View Post
I need some advice from parents.

I know a woman, about 26, who has a newborn baby girl. The mother is college educated and fairly intelligent, but she is irresponsible, naive, undisciplined, and generally unprepared to be a mother.

While she is nursing, she is taking painkillers like Oxycontin, and smoking weed, and drinking beer.

Common sense dictates that this is bad for the child, although I'm not a doctor, so I don't know if the risk is mild, moderate, or severe.

Anyway, if you cared for the welfare of the little girl, and wanted to talk some sense into the mom to persuade her that she's making a big mistake, how would you do it? What would you say, how would you frame the issue? Or just in general - would you get involved at all?

I'm a little out of my element when it comes to babies in general, much less other peoples' babies.
It depends how close you are to this lady. If you think you are close enough to tell each other things, go for it. When you do so I would suggest you appeal to her as a caring mother that may not realize the harm to her child, take care.
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Old 12-22-2010, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Location: Location
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Why would you even ask? This 26-year-old college educated woman has had a sufficient amount of exposure to the dangers of drugs, not only to her child but to herself. She is breast feeding because she is LAZY! Or so whacked out on oxy and mj that she can't figure out how to put formula into a bottle. Ever see a drug-dependent baby in withdrawal?

You think explaining to her in a certain light will do the trick? Nuh-uh. Girlfriend's friend or not, call social services and let them do the explaining.

Merry Christmas.
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