U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:07 PM
 
27,993 posts, read 19,641,873 times
Reputation: 16471

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by maureensacks View Post
Its not trying to control someone it is about setting limits as to what behavior I would allow in my home.
And sleeping over someone's house has nothing to do with any behavior in the OP's home.

 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:07 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,690,207 times
Reputation: 22158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
I would think any logically thinking person would find the idea of controlling another adult so completely is ridiculous and overkill. It's sad that people do not though.
I would think any logically thinking person would find the idea of supporting another adult so completely is ridiculous and overkill. It's sad that people do not though.

As long as my kids live in my home, and are financially supported by me, they must respect my rules for my home. It's no less than I did when I wanted to save money and go to college and chose to continue living in my parents' home after I was 18 years old. I let my dad pay the bills so I could pay my tuition - his home, his rules. That seemed natural enough.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:07 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,102,729 times
Reputation: 35503
Quote:
they deserve notice regardless of their age
Absolutely agree. It would be unfair to kick someone out for breaking a rule they were unaware of.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:08 PM
 
27,993 posts, read 19,641,873 times
Reputation: 16471
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
I don't see it as controlling....it's a deal, like anything else in life. You want X, you do Y to get it. That's how it is with work too.. If I want a paycheck, I do what is expected of me by my employer. If I don't want to do that anymore, I need to find another job. If I choose to live somewhere I need to abide by the rules outlined in the lease...I have to pay a certain amount, to park a certain place etc etc. Same with living in someone else's home....I can not agree with the rules and move out. No hard feelings..simpy a decision to make...as an adult.
This isn't work.

This isn't a rental contract.

It's a private, family relationship.

My husband doesn't get to control me because he pays the bills. He doesn't get to tell me what friends I have or not or when I can leave my house or not. Financial independence does not equal autonomy.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,608,566 times
Reputation: 46994
Hopes---you can't have it both ways. You talk about "child"one minute and then adult. If you think a 18 year old is an adult, then the parents have the right to expect their house rules be followed if he wants to still live in their house.. If you are talking about children, then no a child should not be tossed to the streets but still needs to respect the parents rules and regulations.

I know plenty of adults who smoke but would never think of doing it in the presence of their parents. They respect their parents.

As far as being judged by neighbors, etc. Since when is parenting a popularity contest. Of course we are all judged on many criteria but parenting is a personal choice and I don't give a hoot what neighbors think of what I do as long as I abide by laws, keep my kids safe and healthy and don't think I need to force my values on other people. Isn't that what individual freedom is all about?
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:09 PM
 
27,993 posts, read 19,641,873 times
Reputation: 16471
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
I would think any logically thinking person would find the idea of supporting another adult so completely is ridiculous and overkill. It's sad that people do not though.

As long as my kids live in my home, and are financially supported by me, they must respect my rules for my home. It's no less than I did when I wanted to save money and go to college and chose to continue living in my parents' home after I was 18 years old. I let my dad pay the bills so I could pay my tuition - his home, his rules. That seemed natural enough.

I guess we see things very differently. Supporting someone financially doesn't give anyone the right to tell that person what to do all the time. Especially when the behavior isn't happening in the person's home.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:09 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,940,518 times
Reputation: 30256
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
What on earth is so wrong with 18 year olds moving out?
Nothing is wrong with asking 18 year olds to move out. But they deserve notice so they can save security deposit and rent an apartment.

The law provides that everyone be provided notice of eviction, even people who are relatives not paying rent.

Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
If I was the parent of the daughter and she insisted on bringing men into the home to have sex with, she would be told to pack up and move out.
For all you know, the girl's parents might be talking with each other about doing just that!

Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
And to be honest - when it comes to 18 year olds, I wouldn't really consider in the two sets of parents calling each other up and talking about their kids' sex lives.
Then don't make assumptions about the girlfriend's parents if you won't even talk to them about it.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:10 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,102,729 times
Reputation: 35503
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
This isn't work.

This isn't a rental contract.

It's a private, family relationship.

My husband doesn't get to control me because he pays the bills. He doesn't get to tell me what friends I have or not or when I can leave my house or not. Financial independence does not equal autonomy.

Totally different situation. I bet you bring something to the table as an equal partner in a marriage. An 18 yo living at home is not bringing something to the table as an equal partner to the household.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:11 PM
 
Location: California
29,580 posts, read 31,900,225 times
Reputation: 24725
Quote:
As long as my kids live in my home, and are financially supported by me, they must respect my rules for my home. It's no less than I did when I wanted to save money and go to college and chose to continue living in my parents' home after I was 18 years old. I let my dad pay the bills so I could pay my tuition - his home, his rules. That seemed natural enough.
"rules for my home" is one thing but does that include everything the kid does outside of the home though? Who they are friends with? They kind of job they have? The clothes they wear? At some point it's not a "house rule" anymore.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:19 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,690,207 times
Reputation: 22158
Well I start giving my kids notice that they can move out if they don't like the rules from the first time they seem not to agree with the rules. They know from a very young age that by age 18 they are free to leave so there wouldn't be any surprises. They've heard the "When you're 18 and have your own place, then you can make the rules" - but that's the same thing I heard growing up also.

I think that's one reason children grow up and leave home - the way it's supposed to be.

And sex should come with responsibility. Too often boys are told just to go have some sexual fun with their gf's - just use her and toss her aside when finished with her - but what's so wrong with parents who believe in responsibility? If the gf should become pregnant then what? This boy isn't even paying rent to his parents, so paying child support would be a big surprise.

There's nothing wrong with parents trying to teach self-control and responsibility to their kids. After all the son isn't ready by a long shot to raise and support a baby he might sire.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top