U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 12-31-2010, 03:06 AM
 
Location: Tampa (by way of Omaha)
13,752 posts, read 18,393,018 times
Reputation: 8941

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by kygman View Post
We told our sons the same thing my parents told me. Yeah, you're 18 and should make some decisions. But it doesn't matter if you're 18, 28, 38. If you're in our house you will go by our rules.
If he has a job and wants to sleep with his girlfriend then help them find a place like you mentiones.
When he's sleeping over at his girlfriends house, he's not "in your house" is he?

May sound trivial but it goes back to the point I made in my previous post. Most people (including no one I know personally) has ever thought that using the "my house, my rules" mantra was an appropriate way of trying to control the kid's behavior outside of the home, with some obvious exceptions.

Reasonable curfew? Chores and duties around the house? Limits on what people and how many can visit? Not playing music too loud? Those would all be applicable. Using it as an artificial (and I guarantee you, flat out ineffective) chastity belt? Not so much.

Just curious, but would you or the OP still feel the same way if they spent the night at a hotel rather than her parents house?

 
Old 12-31-2010, 10:16 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,699,632 times
Reputation: 22158
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
Oh BS. Seriously. No parent ever? That's so generalized and insulting it's not even funny.

I'm sure some kids are spoiled today, some kids were spoiled yesterday and some kids will be tomorrow.

The word "no" is not "out" in my house and no doubt countless others of today's parents. I'm sick and tired of getting lumped in with the stereotype that all of today's kids are spoiled and all of today's parents are weak minded patsies for their devil offspring.

I'm sure you don't include yourself in this terrible child run wild parenting generation so I'll thank you to leave me out of it as well.
When did I say I included YOU in this terrible child run wild parenting generation?

I'm pointing out the difference between parenting styles. For one no teenage boy would be telling me he's moving into my house to sleep in the same bed with my daughter. I don't CARE if that would make me the dorkiest parent ever.

I remember when I was about 18 and believed that my parents were the dorkiest parents a kid could have. I was somewhere and some guys from school were telling me that I had a really cool dad - and I was like "what????" because I never thought he was cool. He was a nice dad, a good dad and very funny but no way did I view him as cool. Now I think he was and still is cool but partly because he didn't just go along with every latest trend and if he wanted his kids home by a certain time, he wasn't afraid to tell us so.

I almost think it can be a good thing for kids to have a parent that isn't afraid to use the word no to somethings once in a while. Kids don't always know where to set their limits. Until a child becomes self-supporting, and is living in my home being supported by me, they can tolerate my rules.
 
Old 12-31-2010, 10:37 AM
 
27,993 posts, read 19,647,023 times
Reputation: 16471
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
When did I say I included YOU in this terrible child run wild parenting generation?

I'm pointing out the difference between parenting styles. For one no teenage boy would be telling me he's moving into my house to sleep in the same bed with my daughter. I don't CARE if that would make me the dorkiest parent ever.

I remember when I was about 18 and believed that my parents were the dorkiest parents a kid could have. I was somewhere and some guys from school were telling me that I had a really cool dad - and I was like "what????" because I never thought he was cool. He was a nice dad, a good dad and very funny but no way did I view him as cool. Now I think he was and still is cool but partly because he didn't just go along with every latest trend and if he wanted his kids home by a certain time, he wasn't afraid to tell us so.

I almost think it can be a good thing for kids to have a parent that isn't afraid to use the word no to somethings once in a while. Kids don't always know where to set their limits. Until a child becomes self-supporting, and is living in my home being supported by me, they can tolerate my rules.
Ummmm, right here?:

Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Today no parent ever wants to be viewed as uncool and tell a child no to something. Kid wants an iPhone but parents can't afford it? Just go into debt, the kid *needs* to be cool, have unlimited text messaging. Girl tells her folks that a boy is pressuring her for sex and the parents haul he to the birth control clinic telling her she needs to think of her social life first, have sex, be popular.

Today kids make the rules, the parents seem very afraid that they won't have the coolest kid if they aren't the coolest parent. The word "no" is out.
 
Old 12-31-2010, 11:06 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,699,632 times
Reputation: 22158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Ummmm, right here?:
You really don't need to get snarky - this is a discussion board - it's not really your way or the highway.

You can discuss the merits of kid-led parenting, others can discuss other parenting styles. Some parents choose to never say no to a child - the word no and rules of any kind might traumatize the child. Others believe in setting limits. To each his own.
 
Old 12-31-2010, 01:04 PM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,723,723 times
Reputation: 11008
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
When did I say I included YOU in this terrible child run wild parenting generation?
Right here. If I'm a parent today, then obviously I'm included.

Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Today no parent ever wants to be viewed as uncool and tell a child no to something. Kid wants an iPhone but parents can't afford it? Just go into debt, the kid *needs* to be cool, have unlimited text messaging.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Girl tells her folks that a boy is pressuring her for sex and the parents haul he to the birth control clinic telling her she needs to think of her social life first, have sex, be popular.
How many folks do you know that are doing this, because I certainly don't know any. If parents are taking their daughter to get birth control because she's sexually active that's one thing. That's a responsible thing to do. I highly doubt there are many parents telling their daughter they should be having sex in order to be POPULAR. Good lord.

Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Today kids make the rules, the parents seem very afraid that they won't have the coolest kid if they aren't the coolest parent. The word "no" is out.
Again, maybe in some people's houses, but not in mine, and I doubt in most other people's who post here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
I'm pointing out the difference between parenting styles. For one no teenage boy would be telling me he's moving into my house to sleep in the same bed with my daughter. I don't CARE if that would make me the dorkiest parent ever.
No, you weren't pointing out the difference between parenting styles, you were making sweeping generalizations about ALL parents of today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
I remember when I was about 18 and believed that my parents were the dorkiest parents a kid could have. I was somewhere and some guys from school were telling me that I had a really cool dad - and I was like "what????" because I never thought he was cool. He was a nice dad, a good dad and very funny but no way did I view him as cool. Now I think he was and still is cool but partly because he didn't just go along with every latest trend and if he wanted his kids home by a certain time, he wasn't afraid to tell us so.

I almost think it can be a good thing for kids to have a parent that isn't afraid to use the word no to somethings once in a while. Kids don't always know where to set their limits. Until a child becomes self-supporting, and is living in my home being supported by me, they can tolerate my rules.
I agree. The odds of my child thinking we're cool parents when she reaches her teenage years are probably bupkiss as well. But you said nothing like that in your first post, so you can't blame me for getting my knickers in a knot. I hate being swept into that "parents of today are terrible and have no boundaries with their kids" pile. It happens all the time here, and irks me no end, because it's simply not true.
 
Old 01-01-2011, 08:44 AM
 
1,219 posts, read 3,744,009 times
Reputation: 579
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Today no parent ever wants to be viewed as uncool and tell a child no to something. Kid wants an iPhone but parents can't afford it? Just go into debt, the kid *needs* to be cool, have unlimited text messaging. Girl tells her folks that a boy is pressuring her for sex and the parents haul he to the birth control clinic telling her she needs to think of her social life first, have sex, be popular.

Today kids make the rules, the parents seem very afraid that they won't have the coolest kid if they aren't the coolest parent. The word "no" is out.
Wow. Your world is not like my world. I have 2 teens (and three youngers). My teens are good, decent kids, as are their friends, and the teens we know at church. Maybe you need a new peer circle?
 
Old 01-01-2011, 10:01 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,699,632 times
Reputation: 22158
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
Right here. If I'm a parent today, then obviously I'm included.





How many folks do you know that are doing this, because I certainly don't know any. If parents are taking their daughter to get birth control because she's sexually active that's one thing. That's a responsible thing to do. I highly doubt there are many parents telling their daughter they should be having sex in order to be POPULAR. Good lord.



Again, maybe in some people's houses, but not in mine, and I doubt in most other people's who post here.



No, you weren't pointing out the difference between parenting styles, you were making sweeping generalizations about ALL parents of today.



I agree. The odds of my child thinking we're cool parents when she reaches her teenage years are probably bupkiss as well. But you said nothing like that in your first post, so you can't blame me for getting my knickers in a knot. I hate being swept into that "parents of today are terrible and have no boundaries with their kids" pile. It happens all the time here, and irks me no end, because it's simply not true.
Okay - fair enough as I also am a parent today and am my goal is not to be a "cool" parent and certainly my kids don't set the rules for my home. I make the rules as I see fit, my kids know what they are and we have very few problems.
 
Old 01-01-2011, 01:23 PM
 
9,056 posts, read 6,723,723 times
Reputation: 11008
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Okay - fair enough as I also am a parent today and am my goal is not to be a "cool" parent and certainly my kids don't set the rules for my home. I make the rules as I see fit, my kids know what they are and we have very few problems.
See, I knew we weren't all like that.
 
Old 02-12-2011, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Canackistan
746 posts, read 1,452,433 times
Reputation: 676
Quote:
Originally Posted by slbailey617 View Post
Our 18 year old son still lives with us and we've made it very clear to him that we do not approve of him spending the night at his girlfriends house. She is also 18 and lives with her parents. Her parents have no objection and even let them sleep in the same bed. This makes my wife and I absolutely crazy because it goes against everything we were raised and the way we raised him. All we get is that "I'm 18 and you aren't allowed to tell me what to do." To which we've responded that come Jan 1st after the holidays, we're going to help him get his own apartment since he doesn't like the rules living here.

We don't want to kick him out but we also don't enjoy having our son thumb his nose in our face and say "I'll do what I want and you can't stop me."

Steve
If you've done your job right as a parent, I'll assume you've had the talk.
Throw the boy some condoms, and remind him to use them.

Other than, what can you do?
 
Old 02-13-2011, 07:29 AM
 
Location: NC
1,696 posts, read 3,844,713 times
Reputation: 1852
hes 18.

its not your house.

get over it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top