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Old 02-13-2011, 09:37 AM
 
Location: 60630
11,656 posts, read 17,070,650 times
Reputation: 10641

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Quote:
Originally Posted by slbailey617 View Post
Our 18 year old son still lives with us and we've made it very clear to him that we do not approve of him spending the night at his girlfriends house. She is also 18 and lives with her parents. Her parents have no objection and even let them sleep in the same bed. This makes my wife and I absolutely crazy because it goes against everything we were raised and the way we raised him. All we get is that "I'm 18 and you aren't allowed to tell me what to do." To which we've responded that come Jan 1st after the holidays, we're going to help him get his own apartment since he doesn't like the rules living here.

We don't want to kick him out but we also don't enjoy having our son thumb his nose in our face and say "I'll do what I want and you can't stop me."

Steve

He is 18.....And a man.....and he has needs just like you....What more can I say.

 
Old 02-13-2011, 10:53 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 45,254,652 times
Reputation: 45820
Quote:
Originally Posted by slbailey617 View Post
Our 18 year old son still lives with us and we've made it very clear to him that we do not approve of him spending the night at his girlfriends house. She is also 18 and lives with her parents. Her parents have no objection and even let them sleep in the same bed. This makes my wife and I absolutely crazy because it goes against everything we were raised and the way we raised him. All we get is that "I'm 18 and you aren't allowed to tell me what to do." To which we've responded that come Jan 1st after the holidays, we're going to help him get his own apartment since he doesn't like the rules living here.

We don't want to kick him out but we also don't enjoy having our son thumb his nose in our face and say "I'll do what I want and you can't stop me."

Steve
Well, your house means your rules.

If your son wants to pay for his own apartment, buy his own clothes, food, and gasoline, furniture, television, telephone, cable, and the million other amenities that make life pleasant, then he can bang whomever he wants.

But if you're footing the bill, then no.
 
Old 02-14-2011, 07:31 PM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,677,768 times
Reputation: 20198
Their house their rules, as it applies to their house. He's not bringing his girlfriend over their house to sleep with her there. He's leaving their house to sleep at her place, and her parents have no problem with it. They can't dictate what an adult man can and cannot do anywhere -except- in their own home.

As the rest of the thread progresses, you'll see that this is not the actual issue. The issue is with the OP's perceived lack of respect overall, on the part of the OP's son. The sleeping thing was only one very vague example of the son's attitude toward his parents.

I only got to page two but it looked like the OP keeps adding more and more and more "issues" as he goes along. I stopped reading at that point, because it looked like the OP was just swirling himself into a dervish, and coming up with more things to blame his son on, and taking no responsibility in raising his son to behave exactly as he is behaving.
 
Old 02-14-2011, 07:52 PM
 
2,060 posts, read 4,914,798 times
Reputation: 1652
Quote:
Originally Posted by glass_of_merlot View Post
He is 18.....And a man.....and he has needs just like you....What more can I say.
You know who else has needs? Babies.
 
Old 02-14-2011, 11:04 PM
 
6,780 posts, read 6,864,418 times
Reputation: 6951
This is an old thread, the OP hasn't responded in a couple months, and is likely not even reading it anymore.
 
Old 02-15-2011, 11:48 AM
 
Location: West Orange, NJ
12,542 posts, read 17,751,269 times
Reputation: 3681
start charging him rent and make him contribute to the grocery bill, then he can live by his rules. otherwise, he can move out to his own place. is he going to college? i didn't make it through the entire thread. but if it's about sex, it's gonna happen, sleepover or not. when i was in college i visited my then-girlfriend, now-wife and slept at her apartment, and she visited mine and slept in my room. i don't see what the big deal is...but if they are local, i also don't see why they'd even want to do that.
 
Old 01-17-2012, 12:34 PM
 
1 posts, read 815 times
Reputation: 13
This also happened to me. Definitely tell him he has to go. For pete's sake do not help him find an apt. You are codependent. It's your way or the highway. Give him a sandwich in a map and say adios. He will find out your way is pretty good after all. Or not.
 
Old 01-17-2012, 12:43 PM
 
Location: North America
14,212 posts, read 9,629,574 times
Reputation: 5534
it's 2012
 
Old 01-17-2012, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,956 posts, read 6,389,608 times
Reputation: 3019
Quote:
Originally Posted by lukesgrandma View Post
This also happened to me. Definitely tell him he has to go. For pete's sake do not help him find an apt. You are codependent. It's your way or the highway. Give him a sandwich in a map and say adios. He will find out your way is pretty good after all. Or not.
Oh yeah because at 18 a man with ehh manly needs and feelings is going to LOVE to be told by mommy and daddy you can't sleep at her place even though you're an adult, lets just treat you like you're 7 for the next few years.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
it's 2012
Exactly, we did not just step off the mayflower, this is not little house on the prairie, I don't see why we still need to be so conservative and prudish.
 
Old 01-17-2012, 05:27 PM
 
15,836 posts, read 18,481,958 times
Reputation: 25622
Quote:
Originally Posted by slbailey617 View Post
Our 18 year old son still lives with us and we've made it very clear to him that we do not approve of him spending the night at his girlfriends house. She is also 18 and lives with her parents. Her parents have no objection and even let them sleep in the same bed. This makes my wife and I absolutely crazy because it goes against everything we were raised and the way we raised him. All we get is that "I'm 18 and you aren't allowed to tell me what to do." To which we've responded that come Jan 1st after the holidays, we're going to help him get his own apartment since he doesn't like the rules living here.

We don't want to kick him out but we also don't enjoy having our son thumb his nose in our face and say "I'll do what I want and you can't stop me."

Steve
Your house, your rules. But, he is supposedly doing it at his girlfriends house, you have no say.

BTW, how do you know he is sleeping w/ his girlfriend there?

Regardless, moving him out may or may not be the right thing, they'll just be sleeping together at his apartment. You'll loose this argument.

If he respects you enough not to be doing it at your home, why isn't that enough?
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