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Old 12-26-2010, 08:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucygirl951 View Post
This thread is not about whether teens will or should have sex. It's about an 18 y.o. who still lives at home and is blatantly disrespecting his parents' rules. If it's important to his parents that they don't witness these sleepovers with the girlfriend, then the son has the choice to either move out on his own or respect his parents wishes as long as he lives under their roof.
This goes back to how much control a parent should reasonably expect to exert over an adult child. I don't think telling an adult child where and who he spends time with is reasonable.

 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
It isn't happening at their house. It might not even be happening at her house. Sometimes people actually sleep in the same bed without doing anything else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nayabone View Post
I get it, you write comic books for a living and have never experienced real life... or, you're a stand-up comic...
I find it amusing that many of you are Just So Sure that people cannot sleep in the same bed without having sex. My goodness...how very quaint of you.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:26 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,076,504 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slbailey617 View Post
There have been no punishments for the disrespectful behavior. When he doesn't do the work around the house that he's asked, we do it for him but then we deduct an amount of money from his checking account (we still have signing authority on his checking account) to pay for the work we did for him. That's about it.
Your 'punishment' is what TAUGHT him to not help out around the house.

You sent a clear message that he can CHOSE to help or not.

You taught him that he could HIRE you to do work for him instead.

Don't you see how YOU created this mess that is causing you to feel unappreciated?



On an side note, I think it's bizzare that you still have access to his bank accounts and you readily use that access.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Yes and not just on this issue. What if the parents were against guns and the kid decided he was going to have one and target shoot in the back yard? Or the kid wants to stay out until 4 am but the parents want the doors locked and everyone in by 1 am? Or the parents are tea totalers and the kid decides to hold drinking parties?

There's a reason that kids can leave home at age 18 - and they have done so for years. Once they don't like the rules of the home - then they must understand that it's time to go make their own way.

If the kid wants to view himself as nothing more than a non-paying roommate, it's time for the kid to learn that's not the way it works and the parents can just decide he's not the roommate they want around.

It sounds to me like this kid needs to man up and grow up and get out on his own. And the girl's parents aren't too bright so maybe he can go move in and be supported by them.

Playing with guns in the parents backyard is to going to a shooting range as sleeping with a girlfriend under your parents roof is to sleeping with your girlfriend at HER house.

Holding a drinking party at the parents house is as going to a party at someone else's house as sleeping with a girlfriend under your parents roof is to sleeping with your girlfriend at HER house.

IOW, your examples are ineffectual and not based on the same type of example given in the OP.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
This goes back to how much control a parent should reasonably expect to exert over an adult child. I don't think telling an adult child where and who he spends time with is reasonable.
If he's an adult at 18, then he should be supporting himself and paying his own rent for his own place.

I think it's the half little child who needs mommy and daddy to provide him a home and everything else but then wants to be an adult when it comes to having sex and making his own rules.

Consistency would be best - if he's an adult, then it's time he begin living like one which means his own place, he buys his own food, pays his own bills.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Playing with guns in the parents backyard is to going to a shooting range as sleeping with a girlfriend under your parents roof is to sleeping with your girlfriend at HER house.

Holding a drinking party at the parents house is as going to a party at someone else's house as sleeping with a girlfriend under your parents roof is to sleeping with your girlfriend at HER house.

IOW, your examples are ineffectual and not based on the same type of example given in the OP.
Mooching off the parents means the kid is not an adult. That's what it's about. Once he is actually an adult and packs his bags and moves out and takes care of himself - then it all changes.

You don't have to teach your own kids anything, that's all up to you, they can have zero values and zero respect for you and if you tolerate that - fine but no one else has to put up with that from their kids.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:39 PM
 
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IMO if this is about the lack of respect that he has for you as a parent, then the best way to handle this situation is to talk to him like man to man. He is not a child that you can tell him to go to his room anymore. He may be an adult by legal terms, but this does not indiciate that he is an adult either. I know teens don't turn into adults in one day, but if he wants to be treat like an adult, then NOW is the time him to practice. He thinks that he doesn't have to obey you anymore now that he's 18. It still doesn't give him any excuse to disobey you, but he can make his decision and choice by respecting by disagreeing with you.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
1. If he's an adult at 18, then he should be supporting himself and paying his own rent for his own place.

[COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]2.[/color] I think it's the half little child who needs mommy and daddy to provide him a home and everything else but then wants to be an adult when it comes to having sex and making his own rules.

[COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]3.[/color] Consistency would be best - if he's an adult, then it's time he begin living like one which means his own place, he buys his own food, pays his own bills.

1. That's not true. I know many adults who live with other adults and don't support themselves financially. That doesn't give the other adults a right to dictate the other's actions and every move.

2. Ah, the ole "mommy and daddy" dig. Listen, these parents are allowing their legally adult child to live with them. If the kid screws up, he's an adult. If the kid wants to join the military, he's an adult. But all of the sudden if the kid is doing something the parents don't like he's a "little child". Interesting.

3. I don't buy my own food, pay my own rent or bills. My husband does. Does he then have a right to tell me what I can and cannot do?
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:41 PM
 
27,995 posts, read 19,677,561 times
Reputation: 16471
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Mooching off the parents means the kid is not an adult. That's what it's about. Once he is actually an adult and packs his bags and moves out and takes care of himself - then it all changes.

You don't have to teach your own kids anything, that's all up to you, they can have zero values and zero respect for you and if you tolerate that - fine but no one else has to put up with that from their kids.
No, being an adult is about being over 18, period. There is no statute in any law stating one must be totally financially independent to be considered an adult.

Not sure what in the heck you are trying to say with your second paragraph.
 
Old 12-26-2010, 08:45 PM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,761,562 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
1. That's not true. I know many adults who live with other adults and don't support themselves financially. That doesn't give the other adults a right to dictate the other's actions and every move.

2. Ah, the ole "mommy and daddy" dig. Listen, these parents are allowing their legally adult child to live with them. If the kid screws up, he's an adult. If the kid wants to join the military, he's an adult. But all of the sudden if the kid is doing something the parents don't like he's a "little child". Interesting.

3. I don't buy my own food, pay my own rent or bills. My husband does. Does he then have a right to tell me what I can and cannot do?
Again it completely depends on how someone feels about it.

If the parents - like the gf's parents are fine with it - that's their problem or perogative.

The OP isn't fine with his kid's attitude and he's got every right to give the kid the boot and it would be best for the kid to learn what growing up really means.

Just like if the girl gets knocked up and he wants to bring his kid home for the parents to take care of - fine if that's what they want but if they want him to grow up and take care of his own responsibilities, that's what they need to have him do.

As for you and your husband, if he pays your whole way and allows you to lay around and do nothing all day while he does everything - it's completely up to him. Others would want a different kind of adult-adult relationship and that's up to them.
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