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If, as an "adult" you choose to live somewhere that has certain requirements (whatever they may be)...that is certainly your choice..but then, you must accept the terms of living there. That is being an adult.
We're not talking about a little "child" here, we're talking about an 18 year old adult who wants to be an adult on one hand - doesn't want to listen to or respect his parents, or even let them know when he won't be home. 18 year old is grown up enough to be working and supporting one's self.
Even 18 year olds shouldn't be kicked into the streets without warning.
People deserve a chance to save money and find a place to live. It's the law. Even adult children are protected by landlord tenant laws.
Kicking them into the streets knowing they have no means to provide themselves shelter is weak parenting, not strong parenting.
And assuming other friends' parents will take them in is just downright pushing your problems off onto other people.
The young adult deserves official notice that allows enough time to save money to rent a place to live.
If, as an "adult" you choose to live somewhere that has certain requirements (whatever they may be)...that is certainly your choice..but then, you must accept the terms of living there. That is being an adult.
So, you are saying that unless one is financially independent, they are beholden to the whims and rules of the other adults in the home who are paying the bills and for food, etc?
So, you are saying that unless one is financially independent, they are beholden to the whims and rules of the other adults in the home who are paying the bills and for food, etc?
Yep....that's pretty much how life works.
If I were to go live with someone, as an adult, in their home, I would expect to abide by the rules of their household, or live somewhere else. It seems pretty straightforward to me.
So, you are saying that unless one is financially independent, they are beholden to the whims and rules of the other adults in the home who are paying the bills and for food, etc?
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
Yep....that's pretty much how life works.
Controlling other people is not how life works. It's sad that you think it does.
Don't make the assumption the girlfriend's parents are fine with anything. They could simply be struggling with it just like the boy's parents. At least the girlfriend's parents haven't kicked their daughter out of the house. At lease they are still trying to parent their daughter---even when she becomes a challenge to parent as a young adult. For all you know, the girlfriend's parents are sitting around wondering why the boy's parents are fine with him sleeping over. The biggest mistakes parents make are assuming what other parents think instead of picking up the phone and talking to one another.
What on earth is so wrong with 18 year olds moving out? If I was the parent of the daughter and she insisted on bringing men into the home to have sex with, she would be told to pack up and move out.
18 year olds that want to see themselves as all grown up should be moving out - people have moved away from home at age 18 for centuries. Some are even so grown up they moved out and married - and they did just fine.
By age 18, it's not so much about parenting the child any more, it's about respect for the parents' home and opinions.
And to be honest - when it comes to 18 year olds, I wouldn't really consider the two sets of parents calling each other up and talking about their kids' sex lives.
So, you are saying that unless one is financially independent, they are beholden to the whims and rules of the other adults in the home who are paying the bills and for food, etc?
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
Yep....that's pretty much how life works.
I agree. But if the financially independent young adult doesn't follow the rules, they deserve notice regardless of their age.
Every person in the country deserves notice by law before they are evicted. They don't need to be paying rent to be protected by that law.
Don't make the assumption the girlfriend's parents are fine with anything. They could simply be struggling with it just like the boy's parents. At least the girlfriend's parents haven't kicked their daughter out of the house. At lease they are still trying to parent their daughter---even when she becomes a challenge to parent as a young adult. For all you know, the girlfriend's parents are sitting around wondering why the boy's parents are fine with him sleeping over. The biggest mistakes parents make are assuming what other parents think instead of picking up the phone and talking to one another.
But do you want to pick up the phone and talk about two 18 year olds? I wouldn't. I didn't even like doing that when they were little kids.
There is compromising on both sides that have to be done when adult children continue to live at home. I've seen many people try to control their kids with "house rules" but it seems to me what they sometimes want is for their kids not to grow up at all.
The OP's son is sleeping with his GF and the parents don't approve. Is the problem premarital sex or would all of it be ok if the son and gf had a place together on their own? You don't have to allow anything to happen in your house, including people sleeping over, if you don't want.
Controlling other people is not how life works. It's sad that you think it does.
I don't see it as controlling....it's a deal, like anything else in life. You want X, you do Y to get it. That's how it is with work too.. If I want a paycheck, I do what is expected of me by my employer. If I don't want to do that anymore, I need to find another job. If I choose to live somewhere I need to abide by the rules outlined in the lease...I have to pay a certain amount, to park a certain place etc etc. Same with living in someone else's home....I can not agree with the rules and move out. No hard feelings..simpy a decision to make...as an adult.
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