Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When these 18 year old adults are living in college dorms, they are also prohibited from having sleepovers with boyfriends/girlfriends. The students can sneak, of course, but the rules are there. Most college campuses have fairly detailed student conduct codes that stipulate these things. It's not as simple as "18 year olds are adults, so they can do what they want."
Are they prevented from sleeping in OTHER homes here and there though? That's the crux of the issue.
Don't you and your husband have rules about appropriate behavior? Your husband is an adult, does that mean you have no say if he wants to sleep at another woman's house, get drunk and not show up for plans, or just be a jerk to you because he feels like it? Do you treat him with disrespect and expect it to be fine because you are both adults and can do whatever you want?
Life is full of rules, and people who live in the same house always have certain rules of behavior they expect the other to follow. A true grown up usually knows they have to respect people they share space with, be it at work or home and if they don't show respect they will be asked to leave. This kid may legally be an adult, but he sounds like a spoiled child who needs to grow up and actually act like an adult.
No, we do not have "rules" and we certainly do not try to control each other. If he wants to go have a few beers with his friends he does. Same with me.
You are extrapolating issues to try and prove your point. The son in OP's scenario isn't doing anything illegal and he isn't cheating on anyone.
Respecting rules and boundaries in one's parents' home, where one is living, voluntarily, as an adult, is hardly "being controlled." This person is obviously free to go live in another situation if the terms of those whose house it is are too much for him. His living with mom and dad is a choice.
Telling the adult child where he can and cannot go OUTSIDE THE HOME when it is neither dangerous nor illegal *is* controlling.
I think at the point that the adult child is showing that they want complete freedom and independence from their parents' rules, it is time for them to move out. It's not a punishment, but rather the natural way of things. If you live in someone else's house, you follow their rules. It's pretty simple. At the point where you don't wish to do that any longer, it's time for you to have your own place and pay for it as well.
So my advice would be for the OP to help his son pack up, help him look for an apartment (but don't pay for it) and wish him well. I would not allow him to continue living at home when he's refusing to help out around the house and basically living as a high school kid who thinks he doesn't have to follow the rules. Once you pass 18, things become different if you want to stay at home.
For me, it's less about the sex issue (as people will have sex if they want to), and more about what is permissible when you're allowing yourself to live off someone else entirely. If he wants to be a "real man" and have free run and control of his decisions, it's time to stop doing that on mommy and daddy's dime.
I would be stunned if these rules were actually followed. STUNNED.
It depends. The students in the honors and athletic dorms follow the rules pretty closely. In the other dorms, not so much. But if students are caught breaking the rules, there are sanctions. That's the adult world, and that was my point. Life is about following the rules, whether we agree with them or not.
When these 18 year old adults are living in college dorms, they are also prohibited from having sleepovers with boyfriends/girlfriends. The students can sneak, of course, but the rules are there. Most college campuses have fairly detailed student conduct codes that stipulate these things. It's not as simple as "18 year olds are adults, so they can do what they want."
Actually to my understanding that rule is rarely enforced....and many dorms are going coed so that's pretty much going to be a moot point soon.
You're in for a big surprise. The rules are fairly relaxed in the dorms these days. There are no curfews. They are allowed to have friends for guests. Since many dorms are co-ed, there's no way to know if a guest is a boyfriend or girlfriend or just a friend. (Plus, the girlfriend/boyfriend might live in teh same dorm on the same floor!) Some areas of the country might have stricter dorm policies, but it's still not like the 60s. There isn't a nasty dorm master walking the halls and enforcing the rules. As a matter of fact, the rules are very simply at the dorms around here: no loud music or loud disturbances after 11pm. That's about it. They can come and go as they please. They can have friends over, etc.
Now if i read that before i wouldn't have had to post pretty much that same thing .
BS. Every member of a family contributes *something* to the unit. Even my elementary aged and preschool aged children do. It doesn't have to be green to be a contribution.
"..as an equal partner...."
Where did I say they brought "nothing"? You conveniently forgot the rest of the quote. You seem to feel that each living thing in a house is on equal footing. That is not how it works in my house - you can choose differently for your house if you so choose. My contribution to my household (whether or not I am employed) is not equal to that of my child - even if s/he is 18.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
.