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Our 18 year old son still lives with us and we've made it very clear to him that we do not approve of him spending the night at his girlfriends house. She is also 18 and lives with her parents. Her parents have no objection and even let them sleep in the same bed. This makes my wife and I absolutely crazy because it goes against everything we were raised and the way we raised him. All we get is that "I'm 18 and you aren't allowed to tell me what to do." To which we've responded that come Jan 1st after the holidays, we're going to help him get his own apartment since he doesn't like the rules living here.
We don't want to kick him out but we also don't enjoy having our son thumb his nose in our face and say "I'll do what I want and you can't stop me."
Steve
He's 18, he has every right to sleep with is girlfriend if he wants; it's perfectly normal and there's nothing wrong with it. He should have his own place, so he's out from under your thumb.
Our 18 year old son still lives with us and we've made it very clear to him that we do not approve of him spending the night at his girlfriends house. She is also 18 and lives with her parents. Her parents have no objection and even let them sleep in the same bed. This makes my wife and I absolutely crazy because it goes against everything we were raised and the way we raised him. All we get is that "I'm 18 and you aren't allowed to tell me what to do." To which we've responded that come Jan 1st after the holidays, we're going to help him get his own apartment since he doesn't like the rules living here.
We don't want to kick him out but we also don't enjoy having our son thumb his nose in our face and say "I'll do what I want and you can't stop me."
Steve
Everyone please note that these parents are not saying they will throw the son out in the street and change the locks on their doors. They gave him a time frame and offered to help. They also did not say he should go live with his girlfriend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by paganmama80
Actually to my understanding that rule is rarely enforced....and many dorms are going coed so that's pretty much going to be a moot point soon.
Pretty much all dorms are co-ed these days. That's not to say there aren't rules.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT
The flip side of that is the parents who want their kid to behave like an adult, get a job, pay bills, etc. but think that it's perfectly acceptable to treat them like little children still and expect them to follow all sorts of rules. It seems that it's not only the kids that want to have it both ways.
Where did I say they brought "nothing"? You conveniently forgot the rest of the quote. You seem to feel that each living thing in a house is on equal footing. That is not how it works in my house - you can choose differently for your house if you so choose. My contribution to my household (whether or not I am employed) is not equal to that of my child - even if s/he is 18.
I do think an 18 year old is entitled to the same autonomy as other adults that are or would be living in my home. IOW, I don't feel that an adult should be telling another adult he cannot sleep at someone else's home.
I do think an 18 year old is entitled to the same autonomy as other adults that are or would be living in my home. IOW, I don't feel that an adult should be telling another adult he cannot sleep at someone else's home.
Well, that is certainly your prerogative and you can choose whatever rules you wish for your home. The OP feels differently however, and is entitled to that same respect. To be able to choose what rules must be abided by for those living in his home.
No, we do not have "rules" and we certainly do not try to control each other. If he wants to go have a few beers with his friends he does. Same with me.
You are extrapolating issues to try and prove your point. The son in OP's scenario isn't doing anything illegal and he isn't cheating on anyone.
I simply followed your train of thought when you were trying to prove your point, and I didn't say cheat, I said SLEEP at a woman's house, that's not the same thing, technically there is nothing wrong (it's not cheating or illegal) with him sleeping at any woman's house, but I'm sure he would not even think of doing something so obviously disrespectful to you because he acts like an adult. You don't have "rules" because you both act like adults and respect the obvious, this kid doesn't have basic respect for his parents so they are under no obligation to continue to let him live with them and take care of all his financial needs.
A true adult has respect for those around him, the kid in question hasn't learned that. It's not a matter of whether he should be having sex or not, I have no issue with that, it's a respect issue that shows his maturity level hasn't reached his legal status and his parents aren't helping him to grow up by letting this continue.
While he's living in your house, it's reasonable to ask him to follow your rules.
But, if you prohibit it he'll probably just lie and say that he's sleeping over a guy friend's house. And I'm sure he'll continue to sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't see anything wrong with helping him to find his own apartment. But, I'd also take some time to remind him of the importance of using birth control every time he sleeps with her (regardless of whether she says she's using it) so that he doesn't find himself in a really difficult situation.
Everyone please note that these parents are not saying they will throw the son out in the street and change the locks on their doors. They gave him a time frame and offered to help. They also did not say he should go live with his girlfriend.
My responses in this thread were directed towards the members who were telling the OP to kick the son out to live with girlfriend's parents. Some people actually fall for extreme advice given in the parenting forum. I felt someone needed to provide a voice of reason by saying DON'T LISTEN TO THAT ADVICE, don't expect the girlfriend's parents to take care of your son. I've seen way too many people do that IRL with their sons and daughters.
Pretty much all dorms are co-ed these days. That's not to say there aren't rules.
The majority are yes but at my school the majority where single sex. Co-ed where by floor and after 2am you where not allowed to have opposite sex visitors in your room. After 11pm you had to escort opposite sex visitors throughout the building.
The flip side of that is the parents who want their kid to behave like an adult, get a job, pay bills, etc. but think that it's perfectly acceptable to treat them like little children still and expect them to follow all sorts of rules. It seems that it's not only the kids that want to have it both ways.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana
That does not seem to be the issue in this case.
I didn't think I implied that it was, just a general observation on an attitude that I have seen expressed often on this forum.
The majority are yes but at my school the majority where single sex. Co-ed where by floor and after 2am you where not allowed to have opposite sex visitors in your room. After 11pm you had to escort opposite sex visitors throughout the building.
Making for some happy lesbians!
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