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Well that often backfires and leads to pregnant and unsafe sex.....Its better to not suppress peoples hormones and let them have safe sex..... Thats also your opinion , people should not be forcing there opinions on others....history tells us that backfires.
I am only expressing my opinion. I am not forcing it on anyone.
Sex is not only physical. When young people are not prepared or mature enough for the emotional effects of a sexual relationship, it often causes long term distress. No matter how careful they are, you cannot foresee the emotional effects.
Encouraging is not allowing them to sleep hand in hand in one bed. Encouraging is giving them condoms or something like that.
Allowing them to sleep at eachothers place is giving them a good time.
God has nothing to do with this and is therefore a useless comment. The TS did not say anything about religious reasons but about the way their son behaved and the lack of respect he has.
Somebody living under your roof is obligated to treat and your household standards with respect. If he doesn't like it, he's an adult and can get his own place where he can set his own lifestyle standard. Using your parents for free room and board as an adult and behaving is if you're at a motel is having your cake and eating it, too. If he's all grown up and can make grown up decisions, he can pay his own rent like a grownup. There's no reason to shelter a disrespectful adult child.
This isn't about who's having sex and if they're able to make their own decisions on that, it's about the disrespect of using your parents as a crash pad while refusing to treat them or their house rules with respect. Time to grow up.
Our 18 year old son still lives with us and we've made it very clear to him that we do not approve of him spending the night at his girlfriends house. She is also 18 and lives with her parents. Her parents have no objection and even let them sleep in the same bed. This makes my wife and I absolutely crazy because it goes against everything we were raised and the way we raised him. All we get is that "I'm 18 and you aren't allowed to tell me what to do." To which we've responded that come Jan 1st after the holidays, we're going to help him get his own apartment since he doesn't like the rules living here.
We don't want to kick him out but we also don't enjoy having our son thumb his nose in our face and say "I'll do what I want and you can't stop me."
Steve
That doesn't sound like kicking him out -- you're giving him advance notice, and presumably giving him the option of telling him that if he chooses to abide by your house rules then he is still welcome in your house. He is 18 and can do what he wants to do -- but he doesn't necessarily get to do that while still living with you in your home. If he gets his own apartment and takes on adult responsibilities then he can choose to live as he likes. Moving out seems a drastic step, but it's also pretty extreme on his end that he's spending the night with his girlfriend against your wishes.
I don't see this as having anything to do with sex; plenty of teens manage to squeeze in time to have sex but still make it home for bed. I agree with TabulaRose that this is about respect for the house rules.
Does he want out on his own? Or does he want to be able to tell his parents that he is going to his friends house for the night without getting complained at? Maybe that's why he "snuck" away on Christmas... because he knew that telling you would cause an arguement.
Are you going to be paying his rent on an apt? Or just 1st, last, and deposit? Is the lease going to be in your name? Does he have a job to be able to afford an apt? Don't overlook the option of him moving straight into GF's house... that may happen and you will have not say in it.
How about sitting down with him and making a list of expectations? What he needs to do around the house to keep the peace. Have you considered charging him rent? (If you go with this option... you can't really lay down ground rules because you've opted to take the role of landlords instead of parents with him, IMHO).
Worrying about him sleeping with his GF is a mute point now... it's already happened from what I can tell. Perhaps making sure he is having safe sex is the best approach now. You can prevent him from having his GF spend the night at your house, but you are not going to prevent him from having sex.
LOL what should be and what is going to really happen are 2 different things entirely. And you don't have to be a parent of teens to think those views are archaic.
Teens will find a way to have sex. There is no doubt about that. I did.
But it should not be encouraged by adults. No matter how they feel about it.
God forbid that a parent act like a parent for fear of creating tension.
Really funny because in most of the western world it is semi encouraged in a safe manner and they have more then half the teen pregnancies that we do....so whose method is working?
Our 18 year old son still lives with us and we've made it very clear to him that we do not approve of him spending the night at his girlfriends house. She is also 18 and lives with her parents. Her parents have no objection and even let them sleep in the same bed. This makes my wife and I absolutely crazy because it goes against everything we were raised and the way we raised him. All we get is that "I'm 18 and you aren't allowed to tell me what to do." To which we've responded that come Jan 1st after the holidays, we're going to help him get his own apartment since he doesn't like the rules living here.
We don't want to kick him out but we also don't enjoy having our son thumb his nose in our face and say "I'll do what I want and you can't stop me."
Steve
Yes but you have to realize that HE does not have the same moral views as YOU....so of course he is going to ignore you. If you want him out you have every right to that though because it is your home and he is 18. I mean i think it's pretty crappy you are booting him for that but like i said it's your house.
Last edited by paganmama80; 12-26-2010 at 10:41 AM..
I didn't get the vibe from the OP that he's unhappy that his son is having sex. I don't think he's thrilled but there's nothing that can be done about that.
He sounds upset because his son wants to be able to play house with her and stay over there and come home whenever he feels like it and take advantage of his parents' food, internet, phone and whatever else without lifting a finger to help out or contribute in any way.
Having such little information, it's hard to know how the situation got that way. You can sit him down and explain that now that he is 18 you are not able to enforce rules as a parent would to a minor child, but you can enter into agreements about what is acceptable and what is not. It's no different than he will experience in life. If he rents an apartment, there are rules about noise and what have you and if he does not follow them he will be evicted. If he gets a job and shows up late he will be fired.
You can give him a list of what the expectations are if he plans to continue living at home. Then it's up to him whether those expectations are something he can live with. If they are not, then he can exercise the option to move out. If you help set him up in an apartment, he may be more motivated to maintain it because it's his and there are no parental rules to follow. Of course, this is all under the assumption that he has a job that will enable him to make rent every month.
Edited to add: I was waiting for paganmama to weigh in !
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