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Old 12-31-2010, 06:57 PM
 
Location: Arizona
563 posts, read 1,271,604 times
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I wouldn't see a need of saying anything to the grandmother, but you should be able to tell your kids the truth. Let it be a lesson to them to not mess with pills.
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Old 12-31-2010, 07:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
I would offer that some things are better told when your children are adults. And, by that, I mean mature adults.
That undoubtedly the best advice one could offer....I strongly second the "mature adult" point.....good luck...!
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Old 12-31-2010, 07:25 PM
 
897 posts, read 2,097,284 times
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I plan to go back and get the death certificate without cause of death- I see no reason to tell them right now- He was NO part of their life-I know he was their Dad but why do this to them now? One day maybe I will tell them-I am sure that they may have assumed it already b/c My son said" I hope that he had a heart attack" a few days after he died- to his cousin
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Old 12-31-2010, 07:33 PM
 
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The only exception to my previous post would be that as the kids grow older...(teenage) should you observe a potential behavioral pattern developing that suggests substance abuse....It may be necessary to "explain the facts"....I hope for you....and them that day never comes.....best of luck !
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Old 01-01-2011, 07:47 PM
 
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My uncle died in a similar fashion.

He was addicted to cocaine. One day, my aunt kept calling him to come to the table for dinner and got no response. So she sent my cousin to his room where he was taking a nap and asked her to wake him. She was 8 or 9 at the time.

He wouldn't wake up. He was dead from a heart attack suffered due to an overdose.

For years my cousin and her sister were told their dad died from a heart attack. When they were in high school they overheard some of our great aunts talking at a family gathering. They were saying that it was a shame Johnny couldn't be there and that his kids no longer had a dad because he was a drug addict.

Needless to say they were shocked and upset. Actually they were traumatized to the point where they had to go to family counseling with my aunt. They are in their late 20s now and they are still angry at her for lying to them.

I think children should be told the truth. Not, "Your dad killed himself by overdosing on illegal drugs," but something like, "Sometimes when people are sad or have problems they take bad medicine to feel better instead of reaching out to a doctor or counselor for help. Your dad took bad medicine called X and it made him stop breathing and he died. He was a good man who made a bad choice and paid dearly for it. That's why if you are ever feeling bad it's important for you to talk to me or another adult you can trust instead of trying drugs and alcohol."

I would also offer to go to family counseling after having this discussion as I'm sure it will bring a lot of hurt and angry feelings to the surface. Good luck. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
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Old 01-02-2011, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,676,318 times
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I'm with the posters here who say, do NOT tell your kids he committed suicide. It sounds like a drug overdose. If you feel the need to tell them he overdosed...that should alleviate your need to give them a reason. Drugs killed him... too MANY drugs killed him, regardless of whether he intentionally did it or not. Some coroners will call it suicide, because it wasn't "natural", but self-inflicted.

At your children's ages, they were likely wondering if he was going to eventually overdose, therefore it wouldn't be such a horrific shock to them, knowing that he finally died of that overdose. Perhaps this will help your children to avoid becoming entrapped in a life of drug abuse. My condolences to you and your family. Oh his poor mother....watching a child go like that. So very sad.
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Old 01-02-2011, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Northern California
970 posts, read 1,747,332 times
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I wouldn't tell little kids the truth, but at 15 and 18 they deserve to know. At 18 someone I know found out they were the product of their mother being raped. He didn't go through any horrible mental trauma as a result. He was happy that his mother told him the truth and grateful that she loved him dearly. They talked seriously about love, family, and how to treat women with respect.

I think I was about 12 when I found out my grandfather died and I learned just how much my grandmother hated her daughter (my mother). It was confusing at first but my parents explained seriously that sometimes families have issues and also why we weren't going to be visiting that grandmother anymore. I was glad to know the truth even at that age.

How does one learn to heal from past traumas if no one is being honest? Maybe the teens are already wondering what really happened and will come to their own conclusions. Maybe they don't understand why no one will tell them the truth. Teens are not idiots.
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Old 01-02-2011, 02:27 PM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,571 posts, read 17,975,799 times
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My stepdaughter died from a overdose a few days after her mother passed away from Cancer.

The feeling of being HIGH can have negative results. A person can stretch a rubber band only so far before it breaks. Same with taking pills...one too many over a short period of time can back fire in a persons system. Am not sure to what extent my daughter was using at the time other then she was asleep on the couch and never woke up again. There was NO police investigation.
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