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Old 01-04-2011, 09:53 AM
 
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All good advice so far.

Don't do the whole "let's sit down and have a talk." Even if you don't have an agenda, it always comes across that way. My dad used to do that and I always thought I was in trouble, even when I wasn't, so I would go into it with caution.

Some other good activities IMO are listening to music together, seeing a movie together then having a meal. Talking about the movie can easily morph into talking about each other.

Another one is don't ask anything that makes it obvious there's a double standard, even if there is one. For example, don't ask your daughter if she's kissed someone if you wouldn't tell her who you kissed in high school. Adults who ask questions they wouldn't themselves answer automatically land themselves in the situation of having the teen in question clam up.

Don't dump a lot of heavy news or bullet fire them with questions either. My parents always used to do this to me and then wondered why I clammed up. "What are your plans for the future?" at age 15. "Um...I don't know!"
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Old 01-05-2011, 10:30 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
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Footstomp on the sit down dinner. We try to do it as much as possible and it's not all about eating and getting away from the table. Talk about your day, theirs, school, etc.
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Old 01-05-2011, 09:50 PM
 
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You guys are just full of GREAT ideas! I also appreciate the "what not to do's. Thanks to the rest of you too!

Nancy
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:11 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,736,370 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BioAdoptMom3 View Post
I am looking for your creative ideas in getting your adolescents and teens to talk, share information willingly, etc. We've raised two boys (now 23 and 20) and our DD is 11. She seems to be a lot different than her brothers (I guess girls are a lot different than boys huh?). So, what tricks have worked for you in getting them to willingly confide and share? Our boys seemed to naturally do that a bit more, but we are having trouble getting DD to do it.

Thanks!

Nancy
Good luck with that. Counseling helps with my daughter. So does spending a lot of time with her. Since she attends the school I teach in, she rides in with me in the morning and home at night. My husband makes it a point to drive our youngest to school every day just for the contact time in the car.

If you are not doing so, make sure you are having family dinners every night. The dinner table is a great place to talk.

Planning family outings and vacations is another one.
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Old 01-06-2011, 08:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Drive somewhere....my kids both seemed to talk more in the car...or over food...I will also second what lucygirl says....when they get to chatting, don't react too much....
Same here. Something about the car and confessions. My son is now 14 and he is getting more difficult on opening up about things. So I suggest a car ride to get out of the house. He says he doesn't want to go and I make him. We drive around for a bit and then he starts talking. I can tell he enjoys the car rides once I break him away from his ipod. The last time we took a ride he pointed out a house of a kid he knows at school. He told me the boy steals his mother's meds. I thought wow, if we hadn't taken that car ride he probably never would have told me about that.
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