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Old 01-05-2011, 09:00 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,371 posts, read 12,326,282 times
Reputation: 10287

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She's 22 -- probably just not used to the idea of some guy banging her mom. It's up to her mother to handle things, if they need to be handled at all. I don't think you should involve yourself at all, because you are a boyfriend and not a husband.
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Old 01-05-2011, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Chicago, Illinois
3,047 posts, read 7,969,995 times
Reputation: 1367
Quote:
Originally Posted by AK-Cathy View Post

Make blanket statements much?

I can't imagine anywhere on this planet where a healthy adult child is entitled to live off of the efforts of their parents without contributing substantial efforts on the behalf of the family such as working on the family farm or in the family business.
You must be stuck in the 70's. Family farms and businesses...LOL. Those places are all controlled by larger corporations run by baby boomers. They ate up all the ma and pa shops from that were so charming from the 20's and 30's. Darn near every family in America, and the world, does not own a business or farm. That time is long gone.

To me, the OP sounded like a control freak disguised in a "mythical sheet of wonderment and love." The OP just seems to really like telling his g/f, and acting, that they live in some fairy tale where it is them two against the world. I think he wants to g/f to basically give up her life for him. In reality, I think the daughter may sense his weird desires. Sometimes people follow their gut and maybe the daughter senses something about the OP that will not be good for her Mother in the long run.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chacho_keva View Post
Marriage is off the table, at least for now, for several reasons which I will not discuss. It's a likely probability sometime down the road after we've cohabitated, but not right now.

BTW, I've made this clear to my GF, and she understands.
See, it is comments like these that make the OP seem like a control freak to me. It's his way or the highway and he feels his g/f's daughter/children are holding him back from what he wants to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chacho_keva View Post
So, at what point do you see yourself taking on the role of an independent adult? Based on what you wrote, it seems like you see yourself "entitled" to being dependent on your parents until they die. Please tell me I'm mistaken. Please!

My ADULT children are no different than any other present day 20-something year old. They feel it is my obligation to provide for them until they feel ready to move up and out of the nest. It was not easy, but I have given my children a clearly defined deadline. Once that threshold is crossed. . .THEY ARE ON THEIR OWN, period! By then, my youngest will be 23. That is way more than most people of my generation were given by their parents. We had to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. We did it. We made it on our own. And most of us are better persons for it.

What the F_cking hell is wrong with you kids now a days? Why are you kids so afraid of LIFE?
hey chaco, that's not jena that are you berating. That's our citydata poster named cali.

Also:

"But, back to Jena, I will take No Kudzu's advice and not pay much attention to Jena's behaviour"

That will just make things more difficult because now it sounds like you are going to ignore her and have a holier than thou attitude.

Last edited by At1WithNature; 01-05-2011 at 10:21 AM..
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Old 01-05-2011, 09:30 AM
 
Location: overlooking the mighty MO
697 posts, read 1,088,967 times
Reputation: 1249
huh??? where did that come from??

edit thanks for making that post semi make sense

Last edited by the old man; 01-05-2011 at 10:01 AM..
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Old 01-05-2011, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,262 posts, read 15,972,769 times
Reputation: 10024
Quote:
Originally Posted by chacho_keva View Post
I met my GF for lunch today. She told me that after I left last night, she had a conversation with her daughter. My GF informed her daughter that she sensed a certain degree of disapproval from her about our relationship. Jena apologized for making her feel that way and rejected the notion of ill feelings towards me.

I will heed the advise of many here whom have suggested that I ignore Jena's coldness towards me. I had done so with relative ease during month's past. I mentioned Jena's coldness to my GF only because it became apparent to her last night. My concern is mainly about my GF whom I want not to feel as though she has to choose between her daughter and me.

Like most modern day 20-something year olds, Jena is still a teenager inside. Life's realities have yet to sink in. Until they do, I feel confident in being able to deal with her immaturity. Hope her mother will also be able to.
Go rent the movie "Orphan." And then be real careful about them daughters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-05-2011, 09:45 AM
 
1,135 posts, read 1,770,780 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calicali01 View Post
I agree.^^

But one thing about the child to parent issue. I have no shame in saying that my parents owe me everything they have (money, knowledge wisdom) unto death! They brought me into this F up place so they better stand side by side and help me battle to the end.

Amercian parents are LAZY, they want to have all the fun of having a child and getting all the attention (i.e.,baby showers) but as soon as a child turns 18 they kick them to the streets because legally they know they can get away with it.

Don't have kids if you want to "live a life" and "have time to yourself!"

This is the first quote I've ever seen that made me think "WTF?" Sounds like a relationship terrorist and thank goodness I've never met anyone like this!
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Old 01-05-2011, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Maryland
2,653 posts, read 4,101,647 times
Reputation: 2320
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
Could be she feels as though she's being squeezed out, both physically and emotionally. It probably has less to do with you personally. She'd probably behave this way regardless of who her mom was dating. She may not yet be used to the idea of her mom being with another man.

Also, although she may not get along great with her dad she may feel as though she is betraying him by accepting you. Over time I think she'll warm up to you. She's still young and you are still relatively new to her life.
I agree with Coolhand. I've lived this life. The kids don't care who it is. Just don't want anyone near the parent. Not you personally. Just a person.

Keep your head up.
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Old 01-05-2011, 11:11 AM
 
2,565 posts, read 3,087,009 times
Reputation: 3720
Quote:
Originally Posted by Childfree35 View Post
I agree with Coolhand. I've lived this life. The kids don't care who it is. Just don't want anyone near the parent. Not you personally. Just a person.

Keep your head up.
Thank you. I am determined to continue forward with our thus far beautiful relationship despite Jena's behaviour. I have and will continue to respect Jena as much as I respect her mother.

My GF and I have continued discussing Jena's behaviour since I first posted this thread. We both agree that while her behaviour is a bit cumbersome, it is something we can deal with. Afterall, there is little Jena can do to cause a rift between us.

When one is in love and committed, there is very little that can get in the way.
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Old 01-05-2011, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Where there is too much snow!
6,076 posts, read 10,742,729 times
Reputation: 2923
Sounds like to me that the daughter needs to get out, get her own place and get over the fact that Mom is her own women and need no approval from her children on how she live her life and with whom she shares it with.
Mom, it's time for you to live and have fun. To often these kids move back in with the parents and turn around and start telling the parents how to live their lives.
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Old 01-05-2011, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Maryland
2,653 posts, read 4,101,647 times
Reputation: 2320
Quote:
Originally Posted by chacho_keva View Post
Thank you. I am determined to continue forward with our thus far beautiful relationship despite Jena's behaviour. I have and will continue to respect Jena as much as I respect her mother.

My GF and I have continued discussing Jena's behaviour since I first posted this thread. We both agree that while her behaviour is a bit cumbersome, it is something we can deal with. Afterall, there is little Jena can do to cause a rift between us.

When one is in love and committed, there is very little that can get in the way.
This is true, but sometimes bad azz kids can get in the way.

It can make a love affair difficult and stressful.

btw: Nothing wrong with living with someone you love. Marriage isn't for every relationship. I don't believe everyone living together should get married. Whatever is best for you and your lady.
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Old 01-05-2011, 01:21 PM
 
2,565 posts, read 3,087,009 times
Reputation: 3720
Quote:
Originally Posted by Childfree35 View Post
This is true, but sometimes bad azz kids can get in the way.

It can make a love affair difficult and stressful.

btw: Nothing wrong with living with someone you love. Marriage isn't for every relationship. I don't believe everyone living together should get married. Whatever is best for you and your lady.
Truth be told, Jena's not a bad girl. From my vantage point, I see an educated young adult who is dealing with growing pains. She might be going thru the pain of seeing her mother flourish in a commited relationship. She may be bothered by the thought of having our relationship encroatch upon her comfort zone. After all, her mom still washes her clothes and feeds her daily. But that may not necesarily be the case if and when we cohabitate.

The other growing pain Jena might be experiencing may well have to do with the fear of becoming an independent adult. As I've stated in this thread several times, most young adults today are utterly phobic about growing up without mommy's or daddy's hand to hold on to.

Equally, most young adults are not eager to confront difficulties, especially on their own. For many, the concept of sacrifice is equivalent to "something being wrong." It's as if life were supposed to be an easy stroll in the park each and every day. Ha! ha! Truly, I laugh at this concept (normally in private) each time I see or hear the reactions of a young adult whensoever life's tough issues are brought up in conversation. They have so many opportunities, even in this economic downturn. However, because some opportunities require a little sacrifice, those opportunities immediately turn into "non-options." Absolutely mind boggling!
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