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Old 01-04-2011, 08:20 AM
 
Location: Incognito
7,001 posts, read 18,164,277 times
Reputation: 5442

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I have found my son a few times standing by our bedroom door, listening in while the wife and I get our freak on.

This is usually late at night and we are EXTREMELY quiet when at it, so quiet that I could hear his footsteps as he approaches or bedroom door.

The last time I busted him, he claimed he was about to knock on the door to let us know he had a bellyache.

He keeps on stressing on the fact that we (his parents) sometimes need time for ourselves and that doesn't mean it is just to do the dirty deed.

Last night he told me he wanted for us to have more family activities instead of planning for some time alone.

How do I deal with this? Should I have a talk about the birds and bees with him at 10 years old?
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:31 AM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
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Yes, I think 10 years old is time. Although I have to wonder about a married adult referring to relations with his wife as "getting your freak on" and "doing the dirty dead." Maybe someone else should have the talk with him.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:38 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,620,437 times
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You should have been talking to him about the birds and bees way before now. Believe me he knows more than you think and he may not be getting the right info. Doesn't mean you have to get into all the details but by 10 he should know about the basics of reproduction, making love in marriage and most important---spouses having time together in privacy.

Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 01-04-2011 at 10:47 AM.. Reason: Please discuss the topic, not each other.
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:39 AM
 
1,933 posts, read 3,135,776 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
Yes, I think 10 years old is time. Although I have to wonder about a married adult referring to relations with his wife as "getting your freak on" and "doing the dirty dead." Maybe someone else should have the talk with him.
Eww I don't know any adult that does the 'dirty dead'. It would be kind of stinky, no?

OP yes have the talk with your son and explain the birds and bees to him. Also speak to him about getting up at night and wandering about to your bedroom. I am a bit surprised that at the age of 10 he is just up and heading off to your bedroom when its late at night. Is he just being curious or is he just not sleeping at night and wants to come to talk?
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Old 01-04-2011, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,500 posts, read 3,751,187 times
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I think it is time to talk to him. You don't need to get into graphic details, but letting him know that it's perfectly normal for adults to want private time together.

The bigger thing that I'm reading in your post is that he sounds jealous (not about WHAT you're doing behind closed doors), but that you are shutting him out. He is begging you to spend more time with him and obviously feels like he spends too much time alone. Plan some events (even just movie, pizza, popcorn nights where you ALL snuggle on the couch)... doesn't have to be expensive. Have a board game night. Sounds to me like he's trying to tell you how he's feeling... I don't think it really has much at all to do with the birds and the bees, but more about him feeling like he's alone and you and the wife get quality alone time together.
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Old 01-04-2011, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,653,945 times
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I agree with other posters here. It's definitely time for the talk, but please think about your approach and terminology. Sounds like someone is feeling awfully left out here and wanting some close time on the sofa with his mom and dad. As for him creeping up to stand outside your door...you need to address his "spying" and listening to your "private doings". It is definitely time for him to be made aware of how inappropriate and rude it is, as well as how uncomfortable it makes you and your spouse. You might want to ask him how he would feel if he had friends over, having their conversations behind his closed door, with the grownups standing outside the door listening to their private conversations. Maybe you should tell him to imagine you both standing with your ears pressed to the bathroom door while he does his business.....or outside the shower while he's in it! Give him something to compare, invasion of privacy, to!
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Old 01-04-2011, 10:00 AM
 
Location: Incognito
7,001 posts, read 18,164,277 times
Reputation: 5442
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
Yes, I think 10 years old is time. Although I have to wonder about a married adult referring to relations with his wife as "getting your freak on" and "doing the dirty dead." Maybe someone else should have the talk with him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
You should have been talking to him about the birds and bees way before now. Believe me he knows more than you think and he may not be getting the right info. Doesn't mean you have to get into all the details but by 10 he should know about the basics of reproduction, making love in marriage and most important---spouses having time together in privacy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
I agree with other posters here. It's definitely time for the talk, but please think about your approach and terminology. Sounds like someone is feeling awfully left out here and wanting some close time on the sofa with his mom and dad. As for him creeping up to stand outside your door...you need to address his "spying" and listening to your "private doings". It is definitely time for him to be made aware of how inappropriate and rude it is, as well as how uncomfortable it makes you and your spouse. You might want to ask him how he would feel if he had friends over, having their conversations behind his closed door, with the grownups standing outside the door listening to their private conversations. Maybe you should tell him to imagine you both standing with your ears pressed to the bathroom door while he does his business.....or outside the shower while he's in it! Give him something to compare, invasion of privacy, to!

You guys are killing me! Of course I don't use those terms with him! Prudies usually react to this. Jeezus!

Well anyways, the wife and I decided to have a talk with him tonight when I get home from work.
We do have family nights 3 times a week in which we do activities, watch family movies and I even play video games and such.

Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 01-04-2011 at 10:47 AM.. Reason: Edited quoted text
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Old 01-04-2011, 10:17 AM
 
208 posts, read 231,498 times
Reputation: 165
Have you thought, it could be because of your attempts at being EXTREMELY quiet that there's some degree of curiosity. ('what is so fun and so important that they're being so secretive?')

Try being louder while you're getting your freak on. That way, he'll stay away. And you'll get some good quality traumatizing in. I believe that's a two birds, one stone situation.

But seriously, sounds like he's an only child? That could explain some of the 'don't shut me out' feelings (and he is sounding kind of left out). And I'd say 10 year olds should know/already know more than you think about birds and bees, so that would definitely be a good conversation to have whether that's what his behavior is really about or not.
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Old 01-04-2011, 10:24 AM
 
Location: maryland
3,967 posts, read 5,672,835 times
Reputation: 1711
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat View Post
I have found my son a few times standing by our bedroom door, listening in while the wife and I get our freak on.

This is usually late at night and we are EXTREMELY quiet when at it, so quiet that I could hear his footsteps as he approaches or bedroom door.

The last time I busted him, he claimed he was about to knock on the door to let us know he had a bellyache.

He keeps on stressing on the fact that we (his parents) sometimes need time for ourselves and that doesn't mean it is just to do the dirty deed.

Last night he told me he wanted for us to have more family activities instead of planning for some time alone.

How do I deal with this? Should I have a talk about the birds and bees with him at 10 years old?

Tell him if he does it again his penis will fall off. I think you should have the talk with him and also let him know you need alone time.
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Old 01-04-2011, 10:25 AM
 
Location: maryland
3,967 posts, read 5,672,835 times
Reputation: 1711
Quote:
Originally Posted by isisthea View Post
Could you not just wait until he is asleep???? No kid that I have ever heard of likes the idea of thinking about their parents getting their,as you put, it freak on".

he said it's late at night so i think he is asleep.
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