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Old 01-06-2011, 03:17 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,237 posts, read 23,793,029 times
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When you do not live at home, Parents nor anyone else has a right to tell you how to live.
I would just tell your Parents that they are not allowed to dictate what you do, and don't do, period and end of it.

Should they not like it, well, then that would fall under the category of what Judge Judy would say is TOUGH !
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Old 01-06-2011, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Brooklyn New York
15,237 posts, read 23,793,029 times
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..............and also, to save yourself the aggravation, no one other than you should be answering your phone!! I cant stress that enough !!
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Old 01-06-2011, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Striving for Avalon
1,411 posts, read 2,004,571 times
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On the scale of parent-child interfering, my relatives rank relatively (no pun intended) high.

HOWEVER, their limits are as follows:
You may do as you please when:
1) You have your own income;
2) Have your own place;
3) And pay your own bills.


If you wish to host an orgy of sorority girls, that's your own damn business.

I might add, does the $1500/month for $18000/year include rent, utilities, food, transport, and taxes? If so, you are quite a frugal person. People our age are "struggling" with $60,000.
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Old 01-06-2011, 03:34 PM
 
14,777 posts, read 34,552,424 times
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Tell them if they would like to begin paying all of your bills out of their pocket, than you will be more than happy to abide by their rules. This seems like the type of situation that requires a gentle but firm hand. If you don't handle it now while you are single, just wait until you are married and have kids. Respect is a two way street and some parents seem to have difficulty adjusting to the fact that their children are now independent adults and the old rules no longer apply.
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Old 01-06-2011, 03:47 PM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
425 posts, read 650,340 times
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I think you really need to set boundry's with your parents, especially since you are single. When you do decide to make someone your wife she may have a hard time dealing with that kind of situation. You need to kindly, but firmly tell your parents enough is enough and that you are 28 years old and I will live my life as I see fit. They will still love you and it may take repeating a few times, but you need to tell them to back off.
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:04 PM
 
Location: DFW
6,719 posts, read 11,187,950 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by omigawd View Post
Hold on.... I just looked at your screen name. Are your parents from a different culture than the US? Are they immigrants from somewhere like India, Pakistan, Egypt, etc??? If so, then they are NOT going to stop. They have very strict upbringings and believe in being an upright and moral person ---- meaning, no g/f sleeping over, not being out late, respecting elders, etc.
We're Chinese. So is my gf, who has strict parents (but not as extreme as mine.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
I'm also wondering what your culture is. (You don't have to tell us.) I have Asian women-friends in their late 50's who are still arguing with their mothers over these things. My best friend just had a humungous fight with her mother over how she is parenting her son. Who is 20. In public. A very upscale restaurant. A cell phone was thrown.

I learned this at a get-together a few weeks ago. All the other Asian women were nodding their heads and saying, "That's my mom!" Lunches with those friends are "The Joy Luck Club" come to life.

I think they all nod their heads a lot and work up the courage to answer the phone when they know Mom is on the other end of the line.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amelorn View Post
On the scale of parent-child interfering, my relatives rank relatively (no pun intended) high.

HOWEVER, their limits are as follows:
You may do as you please when:
1) You have your own income;
2) Have your own place;
3) And pay your own bills.


If you wish to host an orgy of sorority girls, that's your own damn business.

I might add, does the $1500/month for $18000/year include rent, utilities, food, transport, and taxes? If so, you are quite a frugal person. People our age are "struggling" with $60,000.
A general breakdown of the $1500 (this belongs more on the Frugal Living forum but oh well...)

$650/mo rent, including utilities and free high speed internet.
$150/mo fuel
$250/mo food
$150/mo health and auto insurance
$150/mo student loan payments (almost finished.)
$200/mo misc. (unexpected expenses pro-rated, cheap cell phone plan, Skype VOIP, etc.)

No cable TV (since I rent part of a house, I'll watch any one of my landlord's big screen TVs)

No gym membership.

No credit card debt, no car payments, no other misc debt.
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Old 01-06-2011, 06:58 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,368,217 times
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My gosh, ragnarkar, you are doing very well with your budgeting. Especially considering the fact that you live in Orange County. I am very impressed. All of the Asian ladies I mentioned complaining about their parents live in O.C. I fear you are fighting something that is ingrained in the Chinese culture.

They do this because they worry about you. Just keep doing what you are doing to show them you are responsible. I have an idea most parents would be very proud to have you as a son.

BTW Whe my friends were your age their parents wanted to go over their budgets with them. You aren't the only one and try not to take it personally. Very common.
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Old 01-07-2011, 10:32 AM
 
14,777 posts, read 34,552,424 times
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I had a coworker who was Chinese. She used to regale us with tales of "Chinese Mother Guilt". She told us about her grandmother in Taiwan who reached across thousands of miles to torture her daughter (coworkers mother). She then told us about her mother who lived very close to her and her husband. The incessant phone calls of; why don't you call me more, why don't you see me more, my grandchildren don't know who I am, I am all alone and no one cares, why do you need to work can't your husband take care of you...on and on and on. Her stories were always good for a few happy hour laughs.
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Old 01-07-2011, 12:31 PM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 4,242,895 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ragnarkar View Post
Am I the only one out there with parents like this?

Btw, I'm 27 (almost 28), living on my own with my own place and own income.

1) My GF stayed over one weekend and she picked up my phone when parents called. They're infuriated saying I can't have any girls over (btw, this is my own place where I pay my own rent, and they've never met her anyways.)

2) I stay out "late" Sunday night. Late, by their standards, is 8:45pm. I'm driving home when they call and I never pick up (it's dangerous and illegal to talk while driving.) When I get back and call, they're infuriated again that I shouldn't out "late" since I have work the next day.

3) They want to discuss my monthly budget. Normally, how one spends their own money is their own business but I open up for the discussion anyways, hoping maybe to learn a thing or two about their budgeting. My monthly budget totals up to a little less than $1500/mo, and they're not pleased, saying how they live on only $1000/mo. I'm a fairly frugal person and my income easily affords a $1500/mo budget.

Granted, if one were actually living at home or if parents are paying for one's way through college, these may be reasonable rules.

I love my parents and have no desire to ruin my relationship with my parents. But I'd like some advice to convince them to let me live and let live my own life without constant harassment.

What??
Tell them not to call you with ridicules things
If they want to call to say how your doing or just talk is fine
When they try to tell you how to run your life..you need to stop them mid sentence..and say Im not at home..I'll do what I want when I want.
GROW UP
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Old 01-08-2011, 11:56 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,761,562 times
Reputation: 22167
Quote:
Originally Posted by ragnarkar View Post
Am I the only one out there with parents like this?

Btw, I'm 27 (almost 28), living on my own with my own place and own income.

1) My GF stayed over one weekend and she picked up my phone when parents called. They're infuriated saying I can't have any girls over (btw, this is my own place where I pay my own rent, and they've never met her anyways.)

2) I stay out "late" Sunday night. Late, by their standards, is 8:45pm. I'm driving home when they call and I never pick up (it's dangerous and illegal to talk while driving.) When I get back and call, they're infuriated again that I shouldn't out "late" since I have work the next day.

3) They want to discuss my monthly budget. Normally, how one spends their own money is their own business but I open up for the discussion anyways, hoping maybe to learn a thing or two about their budgeting. My monthly budget totals up to a little less than $1500/mo, and they're not pleased, saying how they live on only $1000/mo. I'm a fairly frugal person and my income easily affords a $1500/mo budget.

Granted, if one were actually living at home or if parents are paying for one's way through college, these may be reasonable rules.

I love my parents and have no desire to ruin my relationship with my parents. But I'd like some advice to convince them to let me live and let live my own life without constant harassment.
Don't worry about it - if you're on your own, taking no money from them, you can do your own thing - but also they are entitled to their own opinions. You can't control how they think so leave them alone.

Don't talk about your money situation if they aren't paying any of your bills. That only invites others (parents included) to form opinions.
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