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Old 01-05-2011, 09:43 PM
 
Location: DFW
6,717 posts, read 11,177,059 times
Reputation: 4980

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Am I the only one out there with parents like this?

Btw, I'm 27 (almost 28), living on my own with my own place and own income.

1) My GF stayed over one weekend and she picked up my phone when parents called. They're infuriated saying I can't have any girls over (btw, this is my own place where I pay my own rent, and they've never met her anyways.)

2) I stay out "late" Sunday night. Late, by their standards, is 8:45pm. I'm driving home when they call and I never pick up (it's dangerous and illegal to talk while driving.) When I get back and call, they're infuriated again that I shouldn't out "late" since I have work the next day.

3) They want to discuss my monthly budget. Normally, how one spends their own money is their own business but I open up for the discussion anyways, hoping maybe to learn a thing or two about their budgeting. My monthly budget totals up to a little less than $1500/mo, and they're not pleased, saying how they live on only $1000/mo. I'm a fairly frugal person and my income easily affords a $1500/mo budget.

Granted, if one were actually living at home or if parents are paying for one's way through college, these may be reasonable rules.

I love my parents and have no desire to ruin my relationship with my parents. But I'd like some advice to convince them to let me live and let live my own life without constant harassment.
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Old 01-05-2011, 09:56 PM
 
4,502 posts, read 11,664,230 times
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Sounds like they think you're still their "baby". Watch "everybody loves raymond" and see if your parents match up to Frank & Marie. LOL!!

It seems they want to make sure you're doing things to their standards. You have to sit down with them and have a talk (not a shouting match) that you're an adult, on your own, paying all your own bills, etc and they shouldn't be interfering with what you do so long as it's not life threatening or illegal.

Good luck. LOL!
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Old 01-05-2011, 09:58 PM
 
4,502 posts, read 11,664,230 times
Reputation: 4039
Hold on.... I just looked at your screen name. Are your parents from a different culture than the US? Are they immigrants from somewhere like India, Pakistan, Egypt, etc??? If so, then they are NOT going to stop. They have very strict upbringings and believe in being an upright and moral person ---- meaning, no g/f sleeping over, not being out late, respecting elders, etc.
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Old 01-06-2011, 04:47 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,656,980 times
Reputation: 46995
what ever they are, he still has the right to live his own life. I don't think OP should be as open with your parents as you have been. You need to slowly be a little more autonomous and keep your business to yourself.

Sounds like you are trying to do this but at 28 and having to run your finances by them is too much....unless you owe them money. If that is the case, then pay them back asap so they have no say in your finances.
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Old 01-06-2011, 08:32 AM
 
12,430 posts, read 14,569,865 times
Reputation: 14142
Just agree with them to keep the peace, they have no way of knowing any of your business unless you tell them...so..you are the one choosing this "path".You need to exert some power over your own life.
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Old 01-06-2011, 11:44 AM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,178 posts, read 14,264,444 times
Reputation: 14779
good grief, just "yes" your parents to death. And don't volunteer so much information. Are your parents concerned you are not putting any funds aside - as in savings? Perhaps they want to make sure you don't come to live back home should you wind up without a job - in these times, that wouldn't be unheard of - and through no fault of your own.

As for you staying out late, you don't owe your parents an explanation as to why you are returning their call as opposed to having taken it - you can always say simply, I was unable to answer when you called. That could be as simple as you were taking a shower to not being home - but it isn't your parents' business any longer, so don't offer the info.

Girlfriends who answer the phone in your apt is NEVER a good idea. I wouldn't have it - male/female, friend/lover. Un hunh, not done. And even more so because your parents are so interfering and nosy/controlling.

Until/unless they begin arriving at your apt unannounced, I wouldn't make an issue of things. No need to have a confrontation; just avoid and stop giving them so much information.

When my boys first moved out on their own, it was soooooo difficult to not ask questions, but I bit my tongue. They knew where I was if they needed help or advice. I did my best to teach them independence and it was now up to them to put my lessons into practice. They didn't offer info on their daily lives and I didn't ask no matter how much I wanted to know. Separation is important at your age.
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Old 01-06-2011, 12:23 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 1,984,310 times
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You don't owe your parents an explanation, but they will probably continue to make your life a living hell anyway. Just wait until you have kids...it will get much worse.

I agree with the posters who advised you to "yes" them to death. Yes, I'm saving. Yes, I'm getting home at a decent hour; I was in deep prayer and didn't hear the phone ring, etc.

Just be vague about everything. I am very vague, especially when my parents ask me about finances, which are none of their business since they haven't supported me in 20 years.

Good luck. I'd suggest family counseling, but I doubt that would do any good. They're not likely to change.

I moved to a different state partly to get away from this kind of nonsense, but it still goes on when they call to check in.
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Old 01-06-2011, 12:47 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,346,221 times
Reputation: 32238
I'm also wondering what your culture is. (You don't have to tell us.) I have Asian women-friends in their late 50's who are still arguing with their mothers over these things. My best friend just had a humungous fight with her mother over how she is parenting her son. Who is 20. In public. A very upscale restaurant. A cell phone was thrown.

I learned this at a get-together a few weeks ago. All the other Asian women were nodding their heads and saying, "That's my mom!" Lunches with those friends are "The Joy Luck Club" come to life.

I think they all nod their heads a lot and work up the courage to answer the phone when they know Mom is on the other end of the line.
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Old 01-06-2011, 01:08 PM
 
5,945 posts, read 12,726,291 times
Reputation: 6677
If you have a home phone and a cell phone, just use call forwarding so that all your phone calls to your home phone go directly to your cell. That way if you're out and it's your parents you can convince them that you're not dead or anything.

You're an adult, it's none of their business what you do on your own time, but out of respect you should try to pacify them as much as you feel you can without going totally mental.

Don't know what to say about the girlfriend thing. If it's against your religion or something then they might just be looking out for you. But if it's not something like that, then it seems like they are being overly controlling or manipulating and you need to have a talk with them. Maybe with some sort of mediator there to help.
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Old 01-06-2011, 01:22 PM
 
Location: MMU->ABE->ATL->ASH
9,003 posts, read 16,139,085 times
Reputation: 9676
@28 why do you have a Home phone? Go Cell only save the $40 a month.......
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