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Old 01-07-2011, 03:20 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,325,866 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Can she control if I go out and do shots but come home sober hours later?
How many hours? Who has determined you are sober? Are you driving?

Why are you out in a bar buying shots when you have no money?

Her house. Her rules. You are 21 years old. You should be thankful you have that safety net and aren't under a bridge somewhere or sleeping in a big tent with 200 of your best buddies in Kandahar Province. For pity's sake txtqueen. Suck it up! Put your head down and your shoulder into it.

If living with your mother and brother is so gosh-darn awful than don't. Quit buying shots and put that money towards first and last month's rent. Sheesh!

And while I'm on it..

We have been over this ad nauseum. The questions you should be asking us right now would be along the lines of: "Who should I use as a reference on my application for the academy?"

Last edited by DewDropInn; 01-07-2011 at 03:30 PM..

 
Old 01-07-2011, 03:33 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,252,313 times
Reputation: 3980
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
What can a parent control with their adult child who lives at home?
What rules can they place down?

Can they tell them if they can date?
Can they tell them if they can or can't spend the night at a bf/gf's house?
Can they make it mandatory that they sleep in their own bed every night and not out at a friends or bf/gf's?
Do parents have to be informed of whereabouts etc?

Or do the rules only extend what goes on in the house?

I'm asking because I am back home.
I do spend the night at his house.
I do leave whenever and typically briefly give something like I am going out be back later.

She hasn't said anything yet mostly she doesn't want my friends over, only person who is allowed in the house is him.
She just wants me to pick up after myself.

However I want to be very private about what I do and where I go and I want it to be like I don't even exist for the short time I am here.

Plain and simple I don't want things to end up like before.
I want to keep my stuff clean and out of the way like I am not even here and fly under the radar as much as possible.
I don't like to share my personal business either.

Mommies...how do I fly under the radar like I need to?
I'd recommend this: Amazon.com: Pulling up roots: For young adults and their parents : letting go and getting free (A Spectrum book): Quentin F Schenk: Books
it's an old book, but still valid. unfortunately by the time I got ahold of it it was too late for me, but too soon for my kids. I think all adult-aged kids & parents thereof should read it.

bottom line, from my own point of view- adult-aged kids shouldn't treat the home as a freebie hotel or their parents as outsiders, and parents should realize the kids are no longer children. in other words, it requires basic mutual respect.
 
Old 01-07-2011, 04:39 PM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,613,675 times
Reputation: 20198
I'm guessing the answers haven't changed much since the last time you posted the same question in a thread several months ago.

My answer is still the same, that's for sure.

The person responsible for paying the rent and/or mortgage, is the one who can make the rules for "their" home. If you are an adult living in that home, you are there because the responsible person (your mom) has given you permission to do so. You can either follow her rules, or move out.

Even if her rules are ridiculous. Even if she says no TV after supper. Even if she says put your shoes in the hall and you get 10 demerits if you're caught with them somewhere else. Even if she says you MUST drive her car 10 minutes every third tuesday.

Her home, her rules. When you become the adult person responsible for paying the rent/mortgage, you'll have the privilege of setting your own rules, and she will have to abide by them if you allow her to live with you.
 
Old 01-07-2011, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,379,685 times
Reputation: 3018
I think what I am going to do is move this mattress that is in the living room up into my old room, along with the boxes of my clothes and a couple lamps, my tv and tv stand and then stay like that for awhile...I A) like having my bed low to the ground and B) don't wanna move a bunch of crapola around anymore.

So it'll be a bed, two or three lamps, my tv and tv stand and then my clothes.

Oh and I am trying to be more open with her about the guy but its hard like he wants me to come over tonight and I don't work till 5 tonight so I will probably stay there, have a few drinks, chill with him and his roommate and then go to sleep and come home around 11am after I drop him off at work.

If she doesn't like it, I am an adult and have the right to indulge in adult things and live my life accordingly to how I think it should be lived and as long as what happens IN her home is up to her standards she has no room to complain.

She's already started the whole, "who are you talking to" when I am on the phone and the whole where are you going nonsense....she may THINK she wants to know what I do but ignorance is bliss in her situation.

Anywho, I start training on my paperwork on wednesday, training thrusday, work on friday( working 7am-10pm both jobs) and then setting my schedule from there. My ideal schedule is Sunday -Wednesday or Thursday 3-11, the 3-11 is set in stone but the days of the week are not I hope for those though.

Things are looking up as long as I can get my ass out of here soon.
 
Old 01-07-2011, 07:20 PM
 
Location: California
29,597 posts, read 31,914,576 times
Reputation: 24731
Quote:
Not so new here - and hard to be on the parenting forum for more than a few minutes without reading one or another of txtqueen's dramas!
Hmmm yes, I've noticed that. It's like a personal therapy forum or something. Perhaps ranting on a personal blog or FB would be more beneficial.
 
Old 01-07-2011, 07:23 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,379,685 times
Reputation: 3018
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
How many hours? Who has determined you are sober? Are you driving?

Why are you out in a bar buying shots when you have no money?

Her house. Her rules. You are 21 years old. You should be thankful you have that safety net and aren't under a bridge somewhere or sleeping in a big tent with 200 of your best buddies in Kandahar Province. For pity's sake txtqueen. Suck it up! Put your head down and your shoulder into it.

If living with your mother and brother is so gosh-darn awful than don't. Quit buying shots and put that money towards first and last month's rent. Sheesh!

And while I'm on it..

We have been over this ad nauseum. The questions you should be asking us right now would be along the lines of: "Who should I use as a reference on my application for the academy?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
Hmmm yes, I've noticed that. It's like a personal therapy forum or something. Perhaps ranting on a personal blog or FB would be more beneficial.
Or seeking advice from wise mature men and women instead of facebitching....
 
Old 01-07-2011, 07:29 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,379,685 times
Reputation: 3018
Was it ever hard for any of you guys to have "those talks" with your parents, the birth control, getting tested, "so where are you in your relationship type talks?"

My mom started talking to me about it today and she saw the panic in my face and quickly stopped. I must have looked like someone died because her reaction to my face was more priceless than what my face must have looked like.

I dread those conversations and absolutely like avoid them at all cost and I think she -knows- or has an idea but hasn't come out and been like I KNOW....

 
Old 01-07-2011, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Rogers, Arkansas
1,280 posts, read 4,035,547 times
Reputation: 1209
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Was it ever hard for any of you guys to have "those talks" with your parents, the birth control, getting tested, "so where are you in your relationship type talks?"
No. Because I moved out at 18, before I did any of that. I managed my own affairs, and my parents respected that, because I was not reliant on them.
 
Old 01-07-2011, 07:37 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,653,945 times
Reputation: 19408
Once again, if you want to be treated like a responsible, adult, roommate, act like one. Stop acting like an irresponsible child who feels the need to hide things from her mother. I can't even imagine NOT offering up information like, "Hey Mom, I'm going to go over to Sam's house for a few hours. I'll let you know if I'm going anywhere else." Seriously, OMG! Why, oh why are you so clueless as to appropriate social etiquette? Wow! As for talking to my mom, yeah, after I reached the age of an adult, I talked to my mother about EVERYTHING! My 23 year old daughter talks to ME about everything! Do I like everything she says? No! I don't!, but she knows I'm not going to like it when she plans on talking about it! Also, MY daughter does NOT go out drinking with friends, spending the night at her BFF's or boyfriend's house. She is far too old for slumber parties! She has responsibilities...such as co-running this house where she's living, studying for her college classes, etc. She's not boring, and in fact is an amazingly popular young woman, one whom her many friends respect for her maturity, responsibility and consideration!
 
Old 01-07-2011, 07:39 PM
 
29,988 posts, read 35,848,534 times
Reputation: 12719
Is this a re-run of a previous txqueen thread?

Same answers apply as did before.
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