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Old 01-05-2011, 10:58 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,378,467 times
Reputation: 3018

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What can a parent control with their adult child who lives at home?
What rules can they place down?

Can they tell them if they can date?
Can they tell them if they can or can't spend the night at a bf/gf's house?
Can they make it mandatory that they sleep in their own bed every night and not out at a friends or bf/gf's?
Do parents have to be informed of whereabouts etc?

Or do the rules only extend what goes on in the house?

I'm asking because I am back home.
I do spend the night at his house.
I do leave whenever and typically briefly give something like I am going out be back later.

She hasn't said anything yet mostly she doesn't want my friends over, only person who is allowed in the house is him.
She just wants me to pick up after myself.

However I want to be very private about what I do and where I go and I want it to be like I don't even exist for the short time I am here.

Plain and simple I don't want things to end up like before.
I want to keep my stuff clean and out of the way like I am not even here and fly under the radar as much as possible.
I don't like to share my personal business either.

Mommies...how do I fly under the radar like I need to?

 
Old 01-05-2011, 11:08 PM
 
Location: California
29,580 posts, read 31,900,225 times
Reputation: 24725
They can do whatever they want, and you can react however you want. Better to move back out or just go along with what she wants. Your third choice is to live there, do what you want, fight about it, and make both your lives miserable.
 
Old 01-05-2011, 11:15 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,608,566 times
Reputation: 46993
how many timeS do you need to be told?

HER HOUSE HER RULES----EVEN IF SHE IS 99 AND YOU ARE 65. tHAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
wHEN WILL YOU LEARN?
 
Old 01-05-2011, 11:26 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,378,467 times
Reputation: 3018
I am just saying.
Can she control if I go out and do shots but come home sober hours later?
Where is the line drawn?

There is a line and certain things over that line that she can't control and what would those be?
 
Old 01-05-2011, 11:27 PM
 
Location: Australia
8,011 posts, read 2,713,293 times
Reputation: 38423
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
What can a parent control with their adult child who lives at home?
What rules can they place down?

Can they tell them if they can date? No I don't think a parent has that right in respect of an adult child.
Can they tell them if they can or can't spend the night at a bf/gf's house? Not in a general sense, although it isn't unreasonable if they ask you not to spend the night at someone else's house on a specific night, for a specific reason (like a family dinner, or a relative coming to visit). And if - for any reason - they don't want your bf/gf staying at their house, they have the right to veto that.
Can they make it mandatory that they sleep in their own bed every night and not out at a friends or bf/gf's? Mandatory? No, that would be unreasonable IMO.
Do parents have to be informed of whereabouts etc? I guess they don't HAVE to be informed, but it's common courtesy (for anyone, adult child or other person staying in your house) to give you an idea of their whereabouts. I currently have a BFF staying with me, and she's just gone to meet some friends in town for coffee. She didn't have to tell me where she was going, but she did. She has no reason not to.

Or do the rules only extend what goes on in the house?
Parents do have the right to make certain rules about what goes on in their own home.

I'm asking because I am back home.
I do spend the night at his house.
I do leave whenever and typically briefly give something like I am going out be back later. My adult daughter is 32 and has only lived in my house sporadically since college - the last time being a few weeks ago when she stayed with me for a month. She would never ever say "I'm going out, be back later". She has always told me where she expects to be, and roughly when she expects to be home. And if plans change and she stays out much longer than she anticipated or decides to stay overnight with a friend, she will call or text. Same deal for me - if I go out, I tell her where I'll be and when I expect to get back. I think it's unfair, unreasonable and unnecessary to appear to be so secretive. Why do you not want to tell her?

She hasn't said anything yet mostly she doesn't want my friends over, only person who is allowed in the house is him. Fair enough
She just wants me to pick up after myself. Fair enough

However I want to be very private about what I do and where I go and I want it to be like I don't even exist for the short time I am here.

Plain and simple I don't want things to end up like before.
I want to keep my stuff clean and out of the way like I am not even here and fly under the radar as much as possible.
I don't like to share my personal business either. Why? I'm sure your mother doesn't even want to know the details of your personal business, but she deserves to know where you expect to be and when you expect to be home. Mothers worry about their kids, whether we want to or not and are reassured by knowing where to start looking if you go missing.

Mommies...how do I fly under the radar like I need to?
Why do you feel you need to?
 
Old 01-05-2011, 11:32 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,378,467 times
Reputation: 3018
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kobber View Post
Why do you feel you need to?
You must be new here.
She takes every one of my actions and harasses me for them.
I wish I could let her know if I was going to spend the night at his house but then that gets into the whole thing where she knows I am having sex and I don't even want to talk to her about birth control or anything.

If I told her that she'd get pissed and she fight and argue with me over it and I don't even think it should be a discussion.
 
Old 01-05-2011, 11:45 PM
 
Location: Australia
8,011 posts, read 2,713,293 times
Reputation: 38423
Not so new here - and hard to be on the parenting forum for more than a few minutes without reading one or another of txtqueen's dramas!

She wants and needs to know that you have the BC thing under control - she's your mother - and both you and she would be in a huge pickle if you had a baby any time soon! The fact that you don't want to discuss stuff with her is probably making her more pushy about wanting to know what's going on. Tell her you have it under control (assuming you have) and that she has nothing to worry about. Let her ask a few questions if she wants to - if she oversteps the mark, politely tell her she has all the info she needs and that you'll ask for her advice if you want it in the future.

Same with any other stuff she 'harasses' you about.
 
Old 01-05-2011, 11:53 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,378,467 times
Reputation: 3018
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kobber View Post
Not so new here - and hard to be on the parenting forum for more than a few minutes without reading one or another of txtqueen's dramas!

She wants and needs to know that you have the BC thing under control - she's your mother - and both you and she would be in a huge pickle if you had a baby any time soon! The fact that you don't want to discuss stuff with her is probably making her more pushy about wanting to know what's going on. Tell her you have it under control (assuming you have) and that she has nothing to worry about. Let her ask a few questions if she wants to - if she oversteps the mark, politely tell her she has all the info she needs and that you'll ask for her advice if you want it in the future.

Same with any other stuff she 'harasses' you about.
Lol.

I am on BC and there is a need for it right now but I don't want her to know that.
The more she knows the more she yells and screams and starts fights and I rather she think I am this little squeaky clean little angel than the 21 year old that I am.
 
Old 01-06-2011, 12:10 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,940,518 times
Reputation: 30255
Just be respectful.

Do your part at home, not just picking up after yourself. Help clean the house, not just your room. Staying there isn't a free ride. Contribute to the general household chores.

Stop sleeping in the living room. That will annoy her. Move your stuff back into your bedroom so you're not underfoot and messing up the livingroom.

Tell her what she wants to hear and make plans to move out as soon as possible.
 
Old 01-06-2011, 12:25 AM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
5,944 posts, read 6,378,467 times
Reputation: 3018
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
Just be respectful.

Do your part at home, not just picking up after yourself. Help clean the house, not just your room. Staying there isn't a free ride. Contribute to the general household chores.

Stop sleeping in the living room. That will annoy her. Move your stuff back into your bedroom so you're not underfoot and messing up the livingroom.

Tell her what she wants to hear and make plans to move out as soon as possible.
Yeah, my "room" is a music room....I'll have fun moving back into there while my brother screams about how I am ruining him life, I'd be better off cuddling with the spiders and insulation in the nasty cold recently flooded unfinished basement....which my mom wants me to do!!
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