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Old 07-16-2007, 07:17 AM
 
Location: VA
784 posts, read 3,117,275 times
Reputation: 932
Default Do you teach your kids social skills?

I am constantly amazed at the lack of social skills in my extended family. There are tons of kids at family events but none of them will have anything to do with the adults. A friendly question or hello is ignored and I never hear any of the kids display any of the social niceties that my parents taught me many years ago. I would like to send all the extended families kids to charm school.

I understand that a 12 year old boy and a 50 year old are looking at life differently but how about common courtesy?

Some type of greeting when we arrive. Even a simple hello would be nice.

A few words when we ask them something. Instead of a grunt or a stare.

A please or thank you

Say good bye when we leave.
==========
Am I asking to much?
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Old 07-16-2007, 07:24 AM
 
Location: Highland Village
1,430 posts, read 2,553,964 times
Reputation: 972
I am with you. We have a 16 month old and we are working on the basics of please and thank you. I worked in a school (pre-K-8th) that was run by Sisters (nuns) and it was such a positive place. The children stood up when adults entered the room and said Good Morning. I think kids do need to be taught these skills, especially in today's world. I hope others are teaching it to. I know I am fighting an uphill battle!
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Old 07-16-2007, 07:30 AM
 
Location: ARK-KIN-SAW
3,433 posts, read 6,501,474 times
Reputation: 1529
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingler View Post
I am constantly amazed at the lack of social skills in my extended family. There are tons of kids at family events but none of them will have anything to do with the adults. A friendly question or hello is ignored and I never hear any of the kids display any of the social niceties that my parents taught me many years ago. I would like to send all the extended families kids to charm school.

I understand that a 12 year old boy and a 50 year old are looking at life differently but how about common courtesy?

Some type of greeting when we arrive. Even a simple hello would be nice.

A few words when we ask them something. Instead of a grunt or a stare.

A please or thank you

Say good bye when we leave.
==========
Am I asking to much?
I dont think you are asking too much,
IMHO i think children ought to have enough respect that when someone ask them something, they reply. I never got by with doing that, and my children dont either, I believe it starts at an early age, the ignoring and not responding, I mean. My neice is two and has already started it, When my children were two, If they ignored an adult, close family anyway, I would make them walk back in the room and at least acknowledge the person talking. Maybe Im just old fashioned at 33--idk.
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Old 07-16-2007, 08:32 AM
 
6,586 posts, read 16,008,940 times
Reputation: 2988
It has to be explicitly taught and reinforced. I work with my 12-year-old son and his [private] school spends 30 minutes every day working on social skills. It's a lot of work and even then he will meet someone and look them in the eye (good), shake hands (good), smile (good), but then not say. Nice to Meet You. Ugh! So frustrating. I guess he is still a work in progress.

We are also starting to work on "Ladies First" which is a new concept for him. We haven't done, Yes ma'am and No Sir, although his school tries for that. I guess that's a southern thing and we have more and more transplants here and they don't get that, maybe? I don't know. It's losing ground all over.

When my son was younger, he wasn't receptive to this type of instruction, but now that he is older it sticks better. Those kids can still be taught. Perhaps they can take a Cotillion class.

Last edited by FarNorthDallas; 07-16-2007 at 09:41 AM..
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Old 07-16-2007, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Chattanooga TN
2,350 posts, read 7,226,167 times
Reputation: 1135
NO it's not too much to ask. I am constantly amazed at how RUDE young people are, even in my own family. Rude to their elders, selfish and lazy. Let's not forget table manners! Can you smack that food just a little louder? Whew! My little guy is 3 and holds the door for me when we carry in groceries, says please and thank you, shakes men's hands, chews with his mouth closed and takes his shoes off when he enters a home (that's his own weird quirk ). While I don't expect Mr Manners I do expect him to behave just a bit better than a monkey.
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Old 07-16-2007, 08:45 AM
 
5,301 posts, read 11,479,116 times
Reputation: 3297
Very important skills which seem to have gone by the wayside. Very important esp. if you want to compete in the working world. Insolence is not rewarded there...
Every boy should be taught at an early age to shake hands.
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Old 07-16-2007, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
2,911 posts, read 7,018,184 times
Reputation: 2479
I agree with all of you. This is a very important part of child-rearing. It's so obvious to see who the quality children are, from quality families, by the way the kids act, ie, their manners. In nearly all cases this training includes honesty, consideration of, and kindness to other people and things.
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Old 07-16-2007, 09:50 AM
 
1,221 posts, read 4,090,983 times
Reputation: 479
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dingler View Post
I understand that a 12 year old boy and a 50 year old are looking at life differently but how about common courtesy?

Some type of greeting when we arrive. Even a simple hello would be nice.

A few words when we ask them something. Instead of a grunt or a stare.

A please or thank you

Say good bye when we leave.
==========
Am I asking to much?
You are not asking for too much. My toddler greets everyone and says please and thank you. The sad part is how often my child gets a blank stare from kids and adults. I've often asked my husband if she'll get discouraged from greeting people because of it. He says, we need to continue encouraging her.
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Old 07-16-2007, 01:37 PM
 
Location: The mountians of Northern California.
1,357 posts, read 4,005,033 times
Reputation: 1095
We work on social skills on every outing. My little girl has autism and things her brother has picked up by mimicking others, she doesn't pick up. So alot of her skills are prompted by us telling her what to say to others, when to wave, etc. That has helped her pick up some skills, but we have a long road. Her teachers at school are also very helpful with that. She is really good at saying please and thank you. We rarely have to remind her. I just wish the hello part would come easier. When we are out, kids from her class (she is mainstreamed with minimal support) will come say hello and my DD just looks at them. I have to prompt her to say hello, how are, see you at school. The autism coordinator for her school district is going to work with her some more on that this year, but its one of those things that is very difficult to teach to an autistic kid.

My DS on the other hand will talk your ear off, so I turn him loose on the relatives, lol. If they are willing to listen, he is willing to talk, lol. He makes his way from person to person, its so funny. It usually starts out, 'Hi, I am Jackson, who are you? Do you know I have a boo-boo? Let me show you. ' Then he goes into random subjects like someone being naughty at pre-school, the dog, dinosaurs, why otter pops are the most awesomist thing ever, etc. LOL

But the thing we are really trying to discourage my son from doing at gathersings is announcing when he has to go to the bathroom. LOL Everyone always laughs, but he just turned 5, so its time for that one to stop. He has stopped yelling it out at the store. But when he is having a fun time, he forgets and just yells it out.
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Old 07-16-2007, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Virginia
6,530 posts, read 8,893,163 times
Reputation: 3045
I think a large part of life is made SO much easier simply by having good manners and speaking clearly and articulating properly. These are things I can teach my children without any degree or certification and I will do so...
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